I have been out of a 24 years relationship for at least 3 months now... I was living at my friend house how has a son to make the story short i was dating him (n its ok with his mom) but he made me feel very good and wanted to go on holiday with me and stuff n we talk he told me that he would take care of me, and he you not hurt me and stuff like that but that he had a hard time with relationship..but also told me that he would not cheat on me because it happen to him before and that it hurt too much to do this to someone...

So we see each other for a while well 2 month but i had notice after the 1 month he reduce the txt and i did not see him quite often and he did not call me (babe, or sweet heart) like he use too�
One weekend I ask him if he wanted to do something with me ..he said that he was too tired he was going to bed cause he work on Saturday�but when I pass by his place I can see that he was up �his sister told me that he was up but she taught that he just wanted to be alone and did not wanted to tell me�the Sunday after he was going with his friend so we did not talk he call me at night inviting me over so we had supper and went to bed�
But the next weekend after I wanted to do something with him on Friday he was busy he said but inside I had a feeling that something was up..i drove by his place he was up but had the feeling that he was with someone �(his sister confirm that with me the next day that he was with a girl, she sleep there and the Saturday he drove home before going to work) the Saturday night when I ask him to do something with him he said that his friend was picking him up for watch a fight..(but I find out that he never went for a fight..that that girl was there all along with him..) so the Sunday his sister was so pissed that he play with me like that that she told me to come over and see for myself cause I had a hard time to believe he would to that to me�so I went and yes he was there in bed with her..i rip my heart open� he got out of the room and goes (what�s up) ..wow what up..he told me I never said I would commit to you�after we talk he wants to continue to see me again but no commitment �me I am sad, because I don�t understand even that he did that to me I am still in love with me �I am stupid or what�not too sure what to do�the last time I saw him was last Friday�I went over, he was working on Saturday so I did not see him but he was suppose to come check my hot water tank that was not working on Sunday he never came because he was working but did not even bother to call me to tell me so now I have not heard from him since Saturday am when he left for work�I have a hurge to text him to see how he is doing�.but everyone tell me not too to let him chase me but I got the feeling that he not too much into me I guess� I am sad, and feel lost with all of this�I guess I got attach too quick to someone�

Also I need to let you know that 8 years ago he was in a relationship and they got to a fight and the girl commit suicide then next day he found her in the house hanging in the basement and think it�s his faults. His mom think that he really got attach to me and realise that he got scared so to snap out of it he went with someone else�

Welcome to MB.

How did your 24 year relationship end? Were you married?

How old are you? How old is this guy?

24 years is along time and 3 months is so short. Are you sure you're healed from your 24 year relationship?

What healing have you done for yourself? Have you read Dr. Harley's basic concepts?

Please read.
Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders

my relationship ended because i had no more feeling i could feel it for a while but i could not talk about it...its was hard for me to express myself...in the 24 years time we had a lots of problem and my ex were all the time briging the past up wich cause problem and so on...so i end it...i told him that my feeling were not there anymore...i still talk to him and see him because he said he want to be with me still i am trying but i don't know why my feeling just disapeard..!!!

The other guy is 32 and I am 44.... i don't know why its like that guy infactuate me....even now that i know that he is not honest with me and that he has been with other femele when been with me ...I still have to hurge to be with him..whats wrong with me....i can,t get him off my mind...why is that...!! i have never experience this before ..but its true that i was in a relation ship for 24 year so i have no clue about dating anymore..but now i am sceard i have a hard time to trust people!!!

Were you ever married?

Did you read the link I posted to you?

no i was never married...no i will read the link sorry i just saw the link i will read it now...

iread it...i am not sure what he is ...but

freeloader or renter but all i know is that ...he use to seem to care before but as soon as his mom make a comment that we were in a relationship he has seem to back off...an other think is that why i am attracted to him if he's like that obviously there is something wrong with me...

I saw him last night but before that i was there only last friday the 9th...and on his shelver were a bocket of cream for women please nipple and ect cream..well i have never seen this before and he surely did not use this on me so obviously he did on someone else during the time i did not see him or he just clean his room because it was really clean since the last time i was there and he find this and put it there.. i am 44 and i feel like a teen like i not sure how to think anymore about this situation...its insane! I feel insane!

So he obviously has moved on.

I would break all contact with him and heal yourself. Do some soul searching to teach yourself that you deserve better.

Why not date others before you get into a serious relationship?

Why settle for less? Do you have any children?

I know....i just can't get him off my mind i don't even know why...!!!

Yes i have two kids but they are adult now..one is 26 (girl) and the other one is 20 this december!!!

I also talk to my ex too..but he still in love with me..i don't have feeling anymore but he wants to see me and spend time with me i said we could do it as friend if you want...but then he turn around and say well if we talk as friend i really would like if you don't engage with dating other person i don't get it we are not together is this a way he try to control me again

I encourage you to read Buyers Renters and Freeloaders by Dr Bill Harley.

hi Jedi Kinght...i read it Brainhurts gave me the link....

Is your 23 yr relationship the father of your kids? Why didn't you ever get married?

Have you thought about going NC with both of these men and work on yourself?

Give yourself time before you get into another relationship?

Frechy, I don't want to sound mean, here, but what you've got is a boyfriend who has moved on. How would you like us to help you?

I'm really sorry for what happened ...There is a possibility like that to be the reason for him acting in that way.I think you should talk to him, you deserve to now the truth, an explanation.What you have to realize is that he cheated on you,he betrayed you even he promised he won't and you can't just ignore that...Think about you. I think you deserve something better then this.I hope you'll make a good decision and you'll be happy. I wish you luck!

ya..maybe...i just don't know anymore...beside my ex is really confusing me..he wants me to go over spend time with him but its weird its make me sad i don't know why i am sad i am the one who left ....but i feel bad also cause i know that it hurts him a great deal me being there it does not help how he will forget me ...now he is planning to move out of the province even go to the state and work and leave my son in the house...i don't think its a very good idea...

But i don't get it why i am hurts about that too...maybe i am too mixed up about everything...

Yes i will try to talk to him its just that when i do see him i freeze it like it does not come out because i am sceard to say something that will push him away...

but lately i am the one who alway txt him or inviting him to do something...my friend told me to stop texting him or inviting him and way for him to do so...cause then i will know if he still want to talk to me or not...but i am nervous to do so because i feel that maybe i will never heard from him again.....i think maybe my problem is that i have a very low self-esteem and that does not help at all...!!!

Welcome to MB

Possibly that your ex really just wants to be friends Its great to work on a relationship as friends first anyhow .. see if you can create some chmistry. Spending time doing things like recreational activites .. and having intimate conversations will likely cause you to fall in love again. You used to have a relationship with him .. you could however fall in love with him and rekindle your previous relationship. Especially if he is the father to your children. You could get your self a few of the books here and really learn about yourself, your needs and how to meet the needs of your partner.

WHy did you just suddenly stop feeling for your ex? Did you cheat on him? Did you have someone in the wing before you broke it off? I take it one of your top needs are admiration and you possibly didnt get that with your ex? Did you know that your ex could learn to meet your needs? This place is amazing and with the tools here you could be happy again.

I say ditch the new guy and go for the ex (especailly if he is the dad to your kids) ... unless there is more to the story than has been told here.

MNG

p.s. I would suggest getting BUYERS, RENTERS, AND FREELOADERS and HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS and FALL IN LOVE STAY IN LOVE and LOVEBUSTERS. Those 4 books are amazing and provide a great practical point of view for alot of scenerios and how to deal with them the MB way.

Hi MrNiceGuy!!!!

Well we had a lots of problem in our relationship with my ex....there were abuse physically and mentally ...and always dig into the past of suff that had no meaning...he accuse me of all kind of stuff and away ...i keep telling him that i had enough of all of this that one day i will leave... but all during the year of abuse and putting me down...i felt that my love for him was going ...

11 years ago he got hit by a semi truck so he had a lots of soft tissu damage on his body that hurts all the time so they put him on morphine, valium and all kind of meds...then after a while he started abusing it with alchool and stuff i was tired ....n keep telling him to relax on that but hes answer was you have no clue what i am going through so if you dont like it leave...so last summer i went on vacation for 11 days and i saw that when i was there i did not miss him...and when i came back i left i could not deal with it..but then he quit everything ...all the meds he was on and everything and say he not the same anymore...but i have a hard time to get my feeling back...

I have seen him a few time and when he hug me i don't get that feeling of warmness or if he kiss me i find this very sad...i don't know what to do...

and regarding the other guy ...well i don't get it..he use to txt me and we use to see each other quite often...but now the last time i heard from him was last tuesday when i was there n the reason why i was there was because i txt him and he follow the conversation and the next thursday he invite me over but i told him i was busy...i am not going to run every time he said boo...but i am very itchy to txt him...i actually miss him but i don't know why i miss him..cause he does not treathe me very well...maybe its because i have so low self esteem...i don't know!!!

Frechy,

Has your ex received help for his abuse that he did? I would not give him the time of day until you have rock solid proof he has quit all addictions and abuse.

Please take this time for you and heal. You deserve so much better than these 2 men. Why don't you think you do?

Have you started to read Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders yet?

Please read these.
Domestic Violence #1
What to do with an Alcoholic Spouse #1