Advice please.
My 21 y/0 daughter has been friends for 4-5 years with a now 17 y/o guy from church. He has always had a crush on her and it has always been "cute".
My daughter has never dated anyone. There have been guys that she has liked and she has gone a few first or second dates, but that's it. They never seem to stick and I know that it really bothers her and she wonders what's wrong with her that it keeps happening. In my opinion they are the wrong guys, but to her it's all her fault.
She sees her friends all in relationships or out of one and right back into another or sees family her age engaged or seriously dating and it's painful.
This guy has been a friend and she talks to him or texts all the time. Now, she comes to me and says she really likes him and I'm floored.
No. Not gonna happen. Four years younger than you. A sr in high school and you're about to go into third year in college.
He is in church which is important to me. He is from a good family and I like his parents. I'm just concerned about the age difference and level of maturity.
What advice can anyone give me? Let it happen? Just say no way? What do I do?
Thanks.

Can you get her to read some of Dr. H's material?

Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders? Preparing for marriage?

Life, I don't want to sound mean, but: get your nose out of it. Your daughter is an adult. She gets to make adult decisions which may not include you.

He's young, yes. She may well take up with him, only to have heartbreak down the road - that's her decision to make.

There are things that are in his favor:


Let them own this. It belongs to them, not you.

I agree with MB. It's hard to let your kids make their own choices and potentially, their own mistakes. Harder than raising them in the first place I think. Went through this with my now 21yo and 18yo stepsons. It's a fine line to be supportive of her when you don't agree with the decision but IMHO, it's the right thing to do.

What concerns do you have about his level of maturity? Are there any specific behaviors of his that indicate his level of maturity is unmatched with your daughter's?

Physical age does not always directly correlate to emotional maturity.

I think you should stay and talk to both of them, to see what are there intentions.If he's a good guy and they like each other there's no reason to forbid there relation.The age it doesn't really matter, important is what they feel...you can let them try to see where these goes.I hope you'll think about that and make a good decision.