Iffy in what way? Fake?

Yes fake. Touch� JK I see your point she was in withdrawal before. Now she is saying she doesn't care about how I feel towards her. Foggy talk sucks.

if there is one thing I have learned to this point, is to ignore, or at least not trust, anything they say with regards to you. They have a way of projecting their issues on you to shift the blame.

TD,

"Why are you bringing other people into our marriage"

Why is she bringing OM who have multiple casual sex partners off some internet hook up site, who likely gave her HPV which is a very well know cause of cervical cancer and pre-cancerous cells!?

God Bless
Gamma

I so wanted to say that to her gamma. Matter of fact the old me would of said just that. Thanks to lovebusters I didn't I used the opportunity to make love bank deposits.

Today was WW birthday got her a necklace and a card signed by me and DS. She came over to talk and everything was "normal". Gave her the gift she teared and smiled. She then went into the fog... "If I accept this what does it mean?" I said its your birthday I got you a gift and I love you. She gave me a blank look and started to talk about her day. Talked for about 30-40 minutes and then left. I'm picturing that pond with pebbles patience isn't my strong suit.

I plan A'ed with my exgf during her affair: I know how much the fogbabble hurts & how it feels to 'fall apart' after the wayward tries to project her anger onto you.

It's OK to be angry & desperate.
No human was build to take abuse.

Hang in there TD, you are fighting for your family and are doing your very best!

How long have you been doing a good plan A?

I use to be a big baseball fan. I would never miss a game. Not on TV, then radio, not home in car the radio would be on.

Point is I have seen a lot of come backs. Whether to win a game, end of season play off to get into the post season, or win the series after losing the first 2 games.

You just have to make every at bat count. The fat lady has not sung. Even if you come up a day late and a dollar short you will be able to walk away proud because you have done all that anyone can do.

Well I was doing a plan A wrought with Lovebusters since this started back in July. I started my good plan A on November 14. So it's almost been a month. Divorce is filed I'm hoping my plan A efforts cause her to want to stop it. I plan on ending plan A around march.

Till March?
Do you have someone to talk to on a regular basis about all of this? I would not be able to keep plan A up for that long.

According to Dr. Harley men can plan A up to 6 months. That's my plan

Hi TranquilDark,

I've been reading your thread and am sorry you are having to go through this. I am cheering for you.

I wanted to question your wife's possible cervical cancer and point out a couple of things. I hope you go to the appointment with her so you can get the scoop from her doc and not be drawn into unnecessary drama. Of course any form of cancer is very frightening so I do not want to minimize, just inform.

Most cervical cancer starts with HPV (human papillomavirus), which is a sexually transmitted disease. It is extremely common and very slow moving, so not likely to be from a recent affair. If the doc says "somereallylongword cells of unknown origin" that is not cancer. That is precancerous or potentially cancerous. They will remove the cells and keep an eye out. Like I said, it is very slow moving, like years to become cancer. If she has been getting regular papsmears, which she likely has being in reserve, don't get all panicky.

If you go with her to the appt, you can ask questions and should. Your wife may not be able to hear past the word cancer, so you can be the one to fully understand her options. There are several choices with pros and cons. The LEEP procedure, for instance, removes the least amount of the cervix (so if it ever returns years later there is still something to remove to get rid of it without chemo/radiation), while the cone removes most of it.

Anyway, just wanted to reassure you that just because she hears the words "cervical cancer" does not necessarily mean cervical cancer.

During my wife's affair, after I found MB, I thought of boxing and i commited myself to going into the Ring to fight for my marriage. Whether I lost or won, I would be able to look at myself in the mirror and say I gave it my best.
Although I am now divorced, and lost the fight, I walked away knowing I did my best.


Regarding plan A, Dr Harley often recommends plan A for years, even after divorce.

I would not be able to keep plan A up for that long.

Nor would I, brother.

But given different family/history/environment/psychological elements in the lives of the BHs here, we have seen some SERIOUS marathon-length Plan A performances. TD has the DS factor to consider, as well as the more distant SS complication. His ability to absorb and accommodate some truly horrendous WW behavior, without having his LB$ balance plunging into the red, is remarkable. (Find GJM's thread for a BH who assiduously Plan A'd until the gavel came down on the dissolution, and immediately and seamlessly cut over to Plan B.)

The length/strength of the Plan A effort will, even unto failure, endow the BH with the self-satisfaction that all that could have been done, he did. No guilt. No lingering doubts. No share in the destruction. It would be all on her. The lifeline went ungrabbed.

Glad to see your still kicking NG, that's my plan to Plan A until divorce. It seems to be working I see some lucidity from it. A plus side is that the POSOM lives 2000 miles away so it makes it easier I think. I just pray and clean up my side of the fence. My DS really helps me through this. Everytime he sees WW he asks the tough questions like "why aren't you home?" "Daddy loves you" "I want to love with both of you". Spoke with my SS be wants to come home now. I believe the deck is stacked against her now. Anyways, going to anger managment (although I don't need it never been an angry person) completed parenting courses. Taking a cooking class, working out etc. becoming a super dad at the same time meeting her emotional needs as she let me and also when any relationship talk crops up I listen and respond with "I have a plan for our marriage to make it the best ever while all of each others needs are met." She asked for my copy of SAA I gave it to her. Who knows if she is reading it. Other than that I have my depressed days so I workout and play with DS to overcome them. God bless you and all and pray for my family.

OM living away helps a LOT.
Exposure has helped a LOT.
This affair will eventually die a natural death ( well more premature death. The exposure is like assassins shooting at MR Affair and he dies quicker).
Then you will be one left meeting her needs.
Just hang in there.
And remember safety and health come first.

Have you read Buyers Renters and Freeloaders? If not get a copy.

Also I am praying for you. I will also ask my Sunday School class to pray for your marriage and family also

TD, you are doing good. Hang in there. You are on a similar time frame with me and I just noticed the past day and a half some significant changes in my wife's mood toward me. Probably the most congenial and agreeable she has been with me since before she met up with the OM, if not even earlier. After reading several other threads, I keep seeing the same thing: you can't have any expectations and time tends to be on your side. I've seen several threads where progress appeared minimal at best then the tide started to notably turn in the BS's favor.

I'll continue to pray for you as well. God's given me incredible strength to go through this process without going insane or losing my love for my WW. He's doing the same for you. Just keep your eye on the prize; it's the only way to think right now.

I did a sort-of plan A, full of LBs, from 5/2012 until 9/2012. Then I read the MB books and got smart.

I did a "real" plan A from 9/2012 through the end of 11/2012. Just shy of 3 months.

I'm exhausted now, my Love Bank is very close to empty, and I would be completely happy never being married to or spending time with my WW again.

I could have forced myself to make it to six months if I had to, but darn is it hard.

I think it helps if two things are happening: 1) your WW isn't committing a bunch of LB's, and 2) you simply remind yourself over and over of what you had and what she was like and try to think of her in those terms and you are focused on the long term prize of getting her back and having a great marriage. Of course, you have to also be able and willing to let go if that time comes, but the thoughts of what my WW was like and thinking of the long term prize of getting her back, has helped me keep her Love bank balance up, and not constantly withdrawing.

I've always found that, when I'm not getting things my way now, if I focus on what it would be like to get what I wanted someday, and how I could go about getting that (seeing it all in my mind) that I could find a way to keep going. You absolutely have to be able to focus on the long term goal and brush the negative stuff away as fast as possible. I'm amazed how much strength I still have after 3 months. So far I feel like I've really haven't lost any lover for her since the initial dip. I also think God has given me the strength to endure this.

I his profile on a online swingers site should I show this to WW? I really want her to see this holy man for who he is a narcissistic opportunist. Thoughts?