Bon Voyage Indie, enjoy your holiday. What a great post D treat! Looking forward to reading about your adventure.

There is no try, only DOOOOO. HAve a great trip.

It's Diwali in Jaipur. Watching fireworks in the hotel garden. So great! When we arrived we thought this town was bonkers. Tonight they've gone super nova crazy. My kind of town.

Cool!

(I am using flooding for your thread right now since the OW in my marriage is from India).

Indie!!! Have fun and be safe!

India is (scratch, scratch) now the top of my list. Damn these (scratch, scratch) itchy feet!

Have a super nova time!

So peoples, an update of sorts.

My solicitor wants another thousand pounds to sort the financial agreement. Even though we're now divorced we have to separate the finances properly and prevent future claims from ever coming up. Its peanuts compared to what the house is worth, but part of me still has that pre-divorce attitude going on. 'I never planned to pay for any of this! I shouldnt have to! I have already paid lots! But I will woman up and finish this thing.

Ive also joined two dating sites, Plenty of Fish and Match. Been on them a week. I'm going to do Dr H's 30 dates. I dont think I want much out of them really except a date, a chance to get my feet wet. So far, Ive had some good chats, some hilarious offers, but not a sign of a date..

Time will tell.

Hope all goes well on the finances.

Have fun with the 30!!

Good luck with the financial agreement. The legal fees certainly suck but will be worth it if it protects you from future claims etc.

Good luck and have fun with the dates ... you'll have to give us an update

Indie, thanks for the update. It is always lovely to read your posts... I find them reassuring too. You and I seem to be approaching divorce the same way.

As for the 30 dates, I am wanting to do this too. I have had some dates. I am finally seeing what Dr H teaches so well... that EN's are so important, and the LB$ really works. Of course I knew this, but practicing it are too different things. I am struggling with a freeloader mentality... it doesn't come easy to me.

As for the offers...hilarious... Luckily, I am approaching this with a sense of humour. Anyone too serious would be eaten alive!!!

What do you think about a nice TEMPORARY relationship with an umm younger man that serves just to put you in the scene and restore your confidence?

Theres a few different ideas in there so I just need to seperate those out:

- nice, Well its nice to be nice

- temporary, It would be madness to get into anything permanent just now. the only thing I view as permanent is marriage!

- younger, Well my minimum age is 30 as I think women tend to be more mature and confidence is important to me. That said I am chatting with someone who is 27 who seems highly intelligent and quite grounded

- 'put you in the scene' , I think it is my job to do that!

- 'restore your confidence', Luckily there is zip wrong with my confidence and I am as cocky about how amazing I am as I ever was . I also think it would be quite dangerous to get your confidence from that sort of temporary source....

I don't know about you but I am having serious problems with the transition from married to single. For so long if a man said anything flirty to me, he was a sleaze. And of course I did not flirt, even though it was previously a natural skill for me. So I'm struggling with the culture change.

I'm seeing lots of pitfalls too. I'll make a deal with you. I am considering charting my dates (if I ever get one) on the D&R forum. I think it will help me organise my thoughts and might help others out too. Want to join me?

Sorry about the financial aspects you still have to deal with. Hopefully, you can get everything sorted out soon, so you can close this chapter of your life.

30 is your youngest age? WOW, even I would date someone about 28 and I am 4 years older than you, deary. Of course, this is just in my mind, since I am still married. I think it is more about where the person is in their life, so they can closely match yours. I guess it would be more about maturity.

Now, as far as the 30 dates goes, what if you really click with someone? You will consider seeing where that may take you, I hope.

I wish you well. You are an amazing, and beautiful woman, and any man would be lucky to snare you.

wow, indie, dating! how exciting! and 30 is your lowest cutoff, eh? lucky you! if i were in the position of dating, my low end would be 50! imagine having to date old men?! i am so excited for you that i'm going to pop into R&D (or is it D&R?) to follow your new journey. i kinda feel it'll be like watching love actually (without the [censored] alan rickman/emma tompson part).

I would if they were reasonably sensible. But I work with a lot of men in that age bracket and they are afraid of commitment and talk about turning 30 as though it is a huge DDay which is irritating. I'm getting lots of winks and messages from men my Dad's age AND I got a very disrespectful one from a teenager so you have to send a firm message out when setting out your age preferences.



Haha now I have to do it!

Indie I like you
Well I am sure you are amazing and you are very young too. Of course you are not getting your confidence just from dating but...What if you attract a MUCH younger sweet guy w/o even trying...lets say 13 years younger! OK I am talking about me I admit it

tl referred to this as the grandpa brigade. I think whenever I am in position and an ready.....I might go with the +10/-10.....but then again, I am old.

Indie you are a true MB success. Have fun dating, armed with your MB knowledge you will find the right partner (when your ready) and go onto a happy succesful romantic relationship. The world is your oyster, I'll certainly follow your journey ... what an inspiration.

Oh I broke Plan B big time.

I knew he might be home for Christmas. That he might come here. He will have known that tomorrow night I'd be at my parents for Christmas Eve.

And though I thought I had a plan, I STILL opened the door tonight, and when it was him..I talked to him!

He was talking utter garbage, about needing to talk sometime, about closing a book, and not being able to move on. He wouldn't utter a word of sense, probably couldn't. Oh and he's still denying ever having had an affair. I said then we absolutely had nothing to talk about.

I said it was disregarding my wishes to come round. I must have asked him to leave ten times. I told him I didn't feel anything for him anymore and he was too late. He said we would need to talk sometime. I said that would never happen. He then said it had taken him a long time to come around and I said it really didn't matter any more. I ended up having to close the door on him. Of course he wasn't going to go away voluntarily. He made some sarcastic remark as I did so. It's 11pm at night, I am nothing to him any more yet he thinks he has an endless right to my time..

Then I cried in a way I haven't done for over a year.

Not only have I caused myself renewed pain, but I've egged him on to try and break Plan B again.

So I need to get tougher and reinforce it after this mistake. Do I ignore all the more diligently and become more silent? Or do get my IM to send him something? Perhaps threaten a restraining order?

My nerves are too jangled to know right now.

Oh and I could not have looked worse!!

I am wearing brightly coloured slipper boots, old pyjamas, a tatty grey hoodie and my hair is all crazy. I'm covered in icing sugar from making my gingerbread house.

I just told my friend this on the phone and she said: "Do you care?" And honestly, no I don't (surprisingly), I just found it strange he could look at me so seriously, anyone else would have burst out laughing.