Czarne, I've been thinking about you, especially the way your girls idolize their dad and lay no responsibility at his feet. My guess is that because for so long you were the hard worker, bread winner, probably disciplinarian, that he's gotten away with being the fun easy going parent. If he comes to London, make him do ALL the work in caring for the kids. And get a plan in place beforehand so you don't have any contact with him. How long before you can file legal divorce/separation/visitation?

Jennifer, spot on, I am disciplinarian, he is a fun dad. Takes them swimming, ice skating, activities etc.
I deal with homework mostly, housework and bills ( I usually pay the bills too!)

He is gone back to Spain today, saw him yesterday when he dropped off the girls and of course we had a fight.
He asked me to talk to him and took out an A4 sheet with all type of imaginary accusations....
Jeez, that was fun, I walked off after point three which was to ask my Spanish friends to stop sending abusive emails to his girlfriend.
I could not believe he thought I would do such cheap thing.
I asked if he saw those emails, and he did not, but he said that he trusted her ( OW), wow, must be true love...

PokerFace,
I don't think he is manipulative, I think he is plain stupid and being very efficiently manipulated by her ( OW).
She is losing her ground and therefore is trying to make me look horrible in his eyes. Awful wife, awful mother.
This won't work.

Will need to try again plan B, need another IM, or retrain my sister.
We also have issues with a flat which is in his name, but I put third of the money, my sis put third too.
Now he doesn't want to sell it and pay us off.

He has all his c/cards blocked, finacial history is a mess, cannot pay anything here ( UK) or there ( Spain) exept for the mortgage and I am serioulsy worried that if it goes like this for a while they will take the flat.
And we will all lose.
I have no trust in his money management abilities, I was the one to run his accounts. He has no clue.
I am now realizing that I have been doing way too much for the past 11 years, thinking that we were partners!

And just for laughs, he asked me if I could wash his clothes while he was here.... and then just before he left he told me that I was not aware of his sacrifice to come and see the girls.
He had not enough money, and I wasn't providing so he had to buy food for the girls and go hungry, apparently he lost two kilos ( four pounds) because of that ( my fault, I know).

Surreal, isn't it?

Dear C

You both, but especially him are starring in an Almodovar movie!

FaithNMore
Woody Allen movie would be good too :o)

or any love story science fiction style....

Finally I am moving to my own place.
Managed to save up some money and with the help of my family have enough to pay the deposit and one month rent in advance.

I cannot wait!!!! Life is so beautiful even in London with no sun :o)

My work is great, girls are really well eventhough their dad left last Sunday, his promise of coming back to live in London lifted their spirits big time.

I am back in plan B, no contact since last Saturday ( five days), need to take it day by day, stay strong and disciplined.

It is so much easier when he is thousands miles away. Hopefully he won't be able to move here too soon.
I am praying for 6 months....

New Year, New Me!

All the best to all of you, thank you so much for being with me.

Glad to hear it.

How is your IM situation? Is your sister able to follow the IM training thread?

Hi BH,
I sent my sis the training thread, she's agreed to act neutral ( very difficult, but doable).
He keeps asking my girls to put mommy on the phone, I say no and then they get upset that I don't want to say hello to daddy...
I told them last time that I don't want to fight with daddy because I care about him and this is why I cannot talk to him yet.
Guess it worked.

Good I'm glad that she's able to.

Also don't be afraid to tell the girls that it hurts too much to talk to daddy why he is with his girlfriend. Let them know it's because of the affair. If you say it's because you don't want to fight, it may sound to them like you can't control not fighting. You can control your anger, but you can't control daddy's actions.

Just to catch up, there is nothing new.
Which is great as it means that I am beautifully following plan b to the dot and nothing is happening ( so wonderfully boring...)

My daughter only told me that he wrote some emails to me but I have automated deleting system set up so that I cannot read his emails.

We moved to a new home two weeks ago and had no phone/internet for 10 days, so obvioulsy he could not call ( he cannot afford mobile rates!!!)
It was amazing, girls did not cry, did not ask for him, as if he had not existed.
Yesterday he phoned and the drama began again!
Maybe I should ask the telecom company to disconnect me again???

When you find a hole in your Plan B, plug it up.

It's amazing how many people I know that do not have a landline. The only time I use mine is for the fax and I think it is now possible to fax over the computer so I have been thinking of getting rid of my own.

Good to hear you are and the girls are doing well.

Glad to hear you are doing well. I did wonder! Maybe you can get your number changed to an unlisted number. Kudos to you for having a good plan B so far.

What have you been up to, now that you can do as you like?

BetrayedP,
haven't been here for a while
I am working now 6 days a week, very busy setting a business, extremely tired but so happy.
I have lovely friends here in the UK, loving and very supportive family too.
Girls are much better, my older one got a place in a fantastic academy that is impossible to get into.

My plan B is super dark so there is NOTHING to write about as NOTHING is happening!!!!!

HE still calls everyday, for the past two weeks twice or three times a day but my girls are fine now and there is no drama when talking to him.
I think he misses them terribly.

My DD7 told me that it's boring talking to Daddy....
My DD10 asked me when her Dad is coming back, I replied I don't know honey, you need to ask him,
she said: "I mean my real daddy, not this person that he now is"
WOW, that got me thinking, 10 year old child gets it, but 46yo man doesn't?????

Holy Smokes !
Your 10 year old is one sharp cookie.

I concur.

To all betrayed S please watch this:

My children ask me to talk to mommy on the phone too.
I explained to them that as long as she lIves with OM I will not speak to her, as it makes me feel sad.

My D10 told me yesterday that Daddy is moving to the UK next month.
Oh dear, I don't know if I am ready for this just yet.
My girls have settled here beautifully and it is all going so well that I am sometimes worried that it is too easy too soon.
If he really comes there are going to be more changes again, my girls will be affected again, will need to set some boundaries, visitations, schedules etc.
I am worried that my DDs' school/studying will be affected and they are doing so well.

I haven't been in contact with him for nearly three months.
My IM informed him that we need to sell our flat in London,pay bank debts and split the remaining equity in half.
He agreed and I spoke with him today very briefly for literally 2 seconds and told him to give me power of attorney so that I can move the sale forward ( the flat is in his name, but it is ours). He told me that he will take care of it next month as he is moving over here for good.
I said, ok, speak to you when you are here, bye.
That's it.

Started ice skating twice a week, going to gym and zumba classes, I am going out often and life is beautiful!!!!!
I am starting to think that it all happened for the better ;o)

What's your plan to remain in a dark Plan B for when he gets there?