Does anyone have any ideas of what I should do. I have recently started to talk with my ex of 14 years, as we saw each other at my relatives funeral his family & my family are very close.The problem is I am married & have been so for 16 years. I didn't realize how much feelings I still had for him until we saw each other. We have since contacted each other via facebook & txt. It didn't work out between us because of long distance at the time. He has admitted to me that over the years he has always thought about me & has always asked my family for my number, which I told them not to give him at the time. Now I realize that my husband had been taking me for granted by yelling, not wanting to do the things we used to do when we started dating..He has since found out I was talking to my ex again & feels threatened by that. My husband went through my phone logs of ph. & txt from the phone company. I wasn't really thinking of hiding them as I didn't think it was a big deal. I would never act on my feelings for this man, but he says he will always love me until the day he dies & now that we are talking again, he feels
better & that he has a purpose. The sad thing is that I acknowledge that I love him too, I tell him I also love my husband and don,t want to throw my marriage away. He says he is ok with just being friends, but I know the possibility exists for it to escalate further..I am also going to mention that I have a passionate love for this man, unlike the love I have for my husband. Please help...any good suggestions??

I would show your husband this post and cut off all contact with your XH. You are having an emotional affair with your XH. If you gave your marriage the same attention you are giving your affair, you would have a great marriage.

Is your XH married too?

p.s. if this loser had any respect for you or your marriage he wouldn't have said this and he sure wouldn't be engaging in an emotional affair with a married woman. He has spit in your face; not shown you "lurve."

Does his lack of respect for you and the institution of marriage have anything to do with why you are divorced? If you are so in "luuuuuuuuuuurve" then why did you divorce in the first place?

Your current husband loves you.
His checking out your texts,etc show that.

That he says it is okay to be friends with the other man is naive of him.
He said he is afraid it will escalate..well....it most likely WOULD!.

Tell your husband he is right that your marriage is in danger. Tell him you want to work with him on all perceived problems with him using Marriage Builders and

end all contact with the ex.

All.

Thank you all for your advice, I appreciate them all.
In my heart I know you're right, I should never be speaking with him. It's hard but I will have to cut contact with him, it's just difficult because when we have family get together. He is sometimes there, making it an uncomfortable thing. I can't really say anything because his family is still very much close with mine. I am trying to change the way I look at him. He never married but he does have 2 children, saying he could never find anyone that was like me...don't know if that's necessarily
true either. The one thing I am sure of is, I need to stop.

Method, please also advise your family of this situation and ask them to help you not attend functions if your ex is going to be there...ie tell you who is invited and who is not. If your ex shows up unexpectedly, you leave. No contact means not even crossing paths. You need to have no contact with your ex in order to save your marriage.

Both you and your ex have already done severe harm to your marriage, engage everyone, especially your husband to put things right. Engage your husband in putting Marriage Builders practices in place in your marriage and you will end up with tje marriage you both want.

Not to be mean but he has 2 kids by to different women I bet. I'm sure his love for you ruined his other relationships (heavy sarcasm). This guy is a predator IMHO and looking for a easy score with a married woman. It just so happens you have history with him. Tell your husband what's going on and show him all the text. Both of you get His needs her needs book and read.

You should permanently separate from your ex husband and never speak to him again.
You and your husband should read Surviving an Affair by Dr Willard Harley and follow the instructions in the book.
If you do not follow these steps, your affair will escalate and destroy your marriage

Thank you all for your advice, I appreciate them all.

Do yourself a huge lifetime-favor. "Appreciate" the advice a little less, and "follow" the advice a whole lot more. Unless you develop the backbone and commitment to your own honor to tell your husband of the danger to his marriage, you will fail. There is no "maybe" about that. YOU WILL FAIL!

The one thing I am sure of is, I need to stop.

The one thing we are sure of is, you need HELP to stop. (See the paragraph above.)

This hasn't been pointed out but maybe you married your affair partner?

Did you meet the H2 while still married to H1 was going to be my question. Well did you methodman?

Why did your first marriage end?

Road, thanks had it in my head translated over very murky lol.

I do need help to stop speaking with him, but I find that when I am bored or doing nothing I think of speaking to him....any suggestions?

I hope you don't get upset with me but this might be viewed by my family has going over board & if I have to go to such extremes,maybe I don't have a good marriage to begin with. I mean who is to say that maybe my husband has been taking me for granted & doesn't appreciate me anymore.He probably doesn't even know it though. After 3 kids & 16 years of marriage, people might start taking each other for granted..

Answer?!

[quote=TranquilDark]Not to be mean but he has 2 kids by to different women I bet. I'm sure his love for you ruined his other relationships (heavy sarcasm).


In response to your comment he has 2 kids with one woman, which didn't work out. Not sure why?

We had a long distance relationship before, now it just happens that we live in the same state, city & county.

We're you and the ex married? If so did you meet H2 (current husband) while you were married/relationship with H1 (ex)?

Part of me thinks I am doing nothing wrong just by talking to him, I have explained to him that I am not going to risk my current marriage by doing anything that I would regret with him. My ex has agreed to this just says he wants not to have anything more either.But sometimes when I speak with him he says things*(emotional) like I wish it was me & you together right now...etc, I don"t think he is a mean spirited person, or he just wants to ruin my marriage because he knows I am happy, I just thinks he regrets that we never really had a fair chance of making things work back then. There is a reason why people come in to our lives, maybe to help them or vice versa, we might never know the true nature until later on in life.(not saying that this is the case here)...but my question is why?. My family seems to think he is harmless as some of them were in similar situations & they were able to move on so to speak, as one in particular had a boyfriend she practically grew up with & it didn't work out as well she was able to marry & her feelings for him changed where she didn't have a romantic feel for him anymore.
Another part of me thinks why do you still care about this guy. you shouldn't. Look overall, I know I am a good person, so I am going to get the books his needs her needs, & surviving an affair. (although I didn't actually do anything with this man)..& see if I can get any help for the conflicting thoughts in my head because I don't ever want to hurt my husband...

Then why don't you show your husband your communications with this bum and let him decide if it is hurtful to your marriage or not?

You say you don't want to hurt your husband, then why don't you prove it?