Thank you Faith...I'm trying to hold my head high and not let her lies upset me...but it did and I keep replaying her lies over and over again. I had to buy alot of wine today and I'm trying not to become an alcoholic because i could drink five bottles right now.

H has been great and had taken care of the kiddos since we've been home and he is trying to help me see the bigger picture because we only have CS to pay (which is kinda ridiculous, the amount) but we don't have to do healthcare which means definitely no C whatsoever for anything...so I guess we have to pay for the convenience of not even receiving medical bills. So, maybe that is a little light or a flicker at the end of the tunnel...but all I see right now is a Tsunami or some other catastrophe.

I know I'm a basketcase and I'm ranting...sorry guys!

Rant away my dear! You certainly have been through a very rough day. Just go easy on the wine.

Calla~
Email JustUss2@aol.com and she should be quick to respond.

Calla, one thing that my pastor once preached about was "It's not about turning away from sin as much as it's about turning toward Christ." The point is that you shouldn't be focusing on the problem but focusing instead on the solution. I know it sounds cliche, but when applied to real life situations, it can make a HUGE difference in your emotional state and healing.

The OW is the problem and your WH seems truly repentant. So you need to find the strength to stop focusing on OW and the problems and start focusing on building love with H. I know you're going crazy with all of this stuff--my marriage has been there too--but ultimately the solution is in recovering your marriage and the love.

I have been praying for you--faceless to me yet a real heart and soul struggling on the other side of a computer screen. I know this is painful, but my prayer is that you can find the moment by moment strength to refocus on loving your H and your family better. Just take it moment by moment, Calla. We're here for you!

I love a good rant.
It's like a colon cleanser.
Rids the crap right quick !

Wanthealing- thank you for your kind words! I do appreciate them.

Well, Im feeling kind of empowered today. After a great weekend with the hubster and some help from my professor...I realize that I didn't lose, OW did, I won! So I want to share where I am today after everything bad that has happened to me these past few years. I have come a long way and I still have a ways to go but I'm glad I'm here. And you all had a BIG hand in it!

Court did not go well as you all know and I think H got raped with CS but after contacting a few attorneys and no help from them with a little relief...lets say I was beyond angry. But then this weekend I had an epiphany (a sober one!)

yes, we are going to struggle with money for a bit, but my hubster told me this weekend that "its just a math problem, and one thing I'm good at is math. I will make more money, that can be replaced but I can't replace you". And he is very good with numbers I don't know how he does it! Then I had an assignment for class (working on masters in social work) and my teacher said something very enlightening "counsel thyself, counselor" so I got to thinking about what I would tell someone if they came to me with this problem.

I will not let OW or Oc, define who I am, where my M is or how I am going to live my life. It is my life and I will and can be happy. I know that I will still have hard days and triggers but all in all I won. I'm still married, my H has been wonderful, I have 5 beautiful healthy kids, I'm finishing my degree in 1 1/2 years and it's MY LIFE! OW got 2 kids whose fathers want nothing to do with her or her kids and a CS check every month...don't think thats what she quite envisioned for her life....hope she sleeps well at night!

This life is not a rehearsal...this is it and I'm going to be happy and live my life with MY Husband and OUR Children. No longer will I let OW and OC dictate how I am emotionally, I'm tired of giving her that much power and I'm taking it back!

Now that is a colon cleansing rant! Whadaya say Pep?!

Good for you, Calla! You are absolutely right--money is just math and numbers. But a recovered marriage is worth more than precious gems. A happy marriage is the goal, not building up wealth. Ultimately love is about meeting each others' emotional and physical needs, and you can do that if you both put OW/OC out of mind and focus on each other.

I'm so thrilled to see your strength, Calla. You are one amazing woman!

I say Hot-Diggity-Doggy !!!!

Quite the epiphany

That is what I have to say about your last post Calla!!

You did win, we don't get do overs, we can only make it as good as we try!!

Fled

Wow...Looking back is crazy!!!!

Well Hello everyone!!! It has been too long, but recovery has been interesting to say the least.

1. I am still M to my H
2. Just had my sixth baby with H on Thanksgiving Morning
3. Almost finished with school...Finally!
4. Moved far far far far far away

NC...only CS...I no longer feel guilty for NC.

Still struggle with triggers from time to time but I have found a way to manage. I learned sooo much from you all and I thank and love you all so much for supporting me and being there for me, when I could barely get out of the bed for a long time.

Things don't always work according to our plans, but work for a greater plan.

A quote that I think about daily is .."In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it" - Mitch Albom, Five People you Meet in Heaven

I felt betrayed, used, lied to, confused, heartbroken, sad, angry and stupid...but I no longer need these feelings anymore because today I am happy, loved, special, blessed and reconciled with my husband. My H is a better H, father and friend. I am a better wife, mother and friend. I still have moments of bitterness but I no longer let those feelings dwell. I have moved on and realized that my life is what I make it and I have to fight for what I want and want I think is right and best for me and my family.

I'm blessed!

Thank you all!!!

Thanks for checking in, Calla!
It looks like your H is paying child support. Is that correct? Was a DNA test done? There's no contact with the OW or the OC?

I'm glad to hear that you're doing well - congrats on the new baby!