As I believe Mel mentioned earlier and, in fact, what some of my MB friends said to me when I said the SAME thing, these affairs have less to do with how "well" you are doing and everything to do with the fact that your WW refuses to close her LB$ to members of the opposite sex.

Why? Because it feels good to have other members of the opposite sex meet your ENs.

Repeat offenders who are clueless about ENs and how affairs start are one thing.
This is not your WW. She has even posted here on MB before and she did this again anyway.

It's safe to assume that she will never completely close that LB$, and you just give her a reason to have an affair and she'll run with it (I am not feeling good about myself, etc). You will never be able to let your guard down with her no matter how well the M seems or how many years you have been in recovery.

This a dangerous trait that the serial wayward will possess ... it is the worst form of abuse thrust upon the betrayed spouse. This extremely high need for admiration is trying to fill a void that has been created by the level of lies, selfishness, independent behavior, and disrespect by the wayward. You as the betrayed can't fill the level they need because as long as they engage with the "LOVEBUSTERS" you can't compete with them feeling bad about themselves.

They have to unconditionally come to the conclusion their life and the way they live it is unmanagable and then they will want to fundamentally change who they are.

Once she comes to you and states she will do whatever for as long as it takes to recover your marriage, then your ability to fill her admiration need is possible .... but until then you will be competing against a bottomless pit... in the end you end up destroying yourself.

Wow... I think you're right that the LB won't ever be closed... Even in the middle of this span of good years i did discover some emails to and from an old boyfriend that she was deleting. She chose to hide and deny It instead of protecting me.

So what is your plan now?

Later the same day you wrote:


This, to me, highlights a big part the problem here which is actually within your control -- because you can't force your WW to change.

Do you see it? Hint: It relates to your first post on this thread...