And, too long.

No need to say you still love him. Just get to the point.

That being he wanted the divorce and marry his OW, that there is no way that he can be in your life in any manner as long as he is married to OW.

From this point forward there must be NC between us.

Nexy time when XWH breaks NC tell his wife/OW.

The Road,
Thanks. I have to set the record straight. She isn't the OW. He met her mid year 2012 on a job. We've been divorced for 5 years, but maintained contact and a relationship; not physical. Tried forever to make it work. Couldn't. They married roughly six months after meeting. I'm having hard time coming to terms with the whole thing and need to do Plan B.

I'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish with the plan B letter. Are you thinking of reconciliation with him? If I were you I'd shred the letter, block his phone number and email and go into plan B for self recovery.

The plan B letter was recommended here by other posters. I thought contact had stopped until late last week.

Ah okay. I didn't recognize that as a plan B letter. Have you looked at the templates? If you are looking at reconciliation then you would need to say what needs to be done in order for contact to begin again. The plan B letter informs your spouse or in this case your ex that you will no longer talk to them while they are pursuing an affair (in your case while he is still married). You would then outline your conditions for resumption of contact/recovery. I'd only spare a couple of lines to describe your feelings for him in the past and at this present time.

I have to learn how to post links!

Just read a little more of your sitch. OK I see recovery is not the goal. In this case I would just ask him to have regard for his wife and to not contact you any further, and I would cc the wife and forget about it. As the other posters have said, he is now making you the OW in his current marriage.

Well this was months ago. ML suggested forget the letter which was my initial thought.

I should really have read your entire thread thoroughly... I know the veterans wouldn't steer you wrong. They are just ignoring you because you have ignored them! Your letter looks nothing like the one above. I think you should reread your thread. Bye.

Thanks for your response. I did send the email and do not intend to have further contact.

The program here at MB is meant to save pain and anguish. It's meant to bring happiness and contentment. Dr. Harley has built the program based on years of experience and tremendous insight into the human condition; what drives people and what brings on various feelings and emotions.

We at this website try to illustrate those concepts to the best of our understanding.

Thing is, MB is oftentimes in direct conflict with what our normal impulses (or even strongly held convictions) may be. That's why the website is valuable, and why Dr. Harley's books and information is valuable. We often have it wrong if left to our own devices (which leads to....pain and anguish).

I give you lots of credit for trying to handle this situation for yourself L2S. I do. And I thank you for updating us and giving folks with more experience a chance to help you. We want to help, just like we were helped; it's a way to give back and keep our knowledge of the material sharp.

I believe you will continue to experience pain and anguish if you follow your own path which has already lead to nothing but...pain and anguish.

If you follow our advice (like the above by Road, which you ignored and sent your own letter...), I believe that you will turn the corner and find yourself in a better emotional situation.

It will not be easy. But it will be worth the effort.

opt

Jedi, really? I'm sorry but no one has sex with someone they're not married to unless they want to or if it's rape. You could have walked away. To place the blame on your ex-wife is a cop out. I don't mean to be harsh but when I read this, I just had to shake my head. How in the world does a man have sex against his will? Were you tied up? Even if you were (and that's a whole 'nother ussue) there's a part of you that went along for the ride (so to speak). Why not just say you gave in, it's more honest and credible.

Exactly. Not only have you encouraged him by responding at all, you have become the other woman in his new marriage, even if you don't want that role. Do the right thing and tell this poor woman who married your ex what's going on and THEN truly sever all ties. You're both playing with fire. You say he would come after you with a vengeance if you told. How? Physically? If you have to get a protective order, then do it. Do whatever it takes to break the ties. Your heart won't begin to heal until you do. I'm sorry you hurt, but finish this. Aren't you tired of the drama?

I haven't read your entire thread, so I admit I don't know the whole story, but I will say this. After my xH left, he also tried to come back and .... basically hit on me. It was sickening. I shut him down immediately, and told him he was with another woman now and I was not going to be the OW in his new relationship. I did not contact his gf, but she was the OW in OUR relationship and I admit, I felt it served her right.

Waywards are cake eaters and want it all. They truly do. If he feels there is a chance, however small, that you are sitting there being manipulated by him into holding on and waiting, he will take it. And I would bet a million dollars, that if he came back to you, he'd be gone again as fast as he could. It's a pattern. Protect yourself.