My friend, you are not going to make if you can't put aside your emotions and follow a plan. Can you follow a plan?

My point melody is that if she has feelings for this POSOM then how on earth are we ever going to fix our relationship? OM already trying to contact about medical bills etc... so him being in the picture is looking likely right now

You fix your relationship the way we TOLD YOU. Are you reading our posts?

We KNOW she has "feelings" for the OM. We don't care because it doesn't matter. What matters is that you and your wife follow Dr Harley's instructions and she NEVER has any contact with the OM again.

The point is WW's have feeling for their OM. They let the OM bang them bare back and don't care that the OM will get them pregnant.

WW's get addicted to their OM. Further proof of why WW's have feelings for their OM.

Your WW is just a run of the mill WW. They all have sex without making the OM wear a condom. They all love and become addicted to their OM.

As with any addiction the WW can get clean from her drug/OM.

It takes time and NC.

Have you hired a lawyer to respond to the OM's lawyer?

I think the answer is no. You are wasting time.

When this OM sees that he will never be allowed to see WW, and have to pay OC's CS, health ins, $100,000 college fund he will disappear.

Agree 100% with Mel. Stop asking how she feels. Take charge of the situation! If she won't agree to no contact you might as well separate

She has agreed NC with other man. OM attorney has sent papers to establish paternity today delivered today by deputy sheriff. NC possible especially if he already doing this???

Yes no contact is still possible.

He's waging war on your marriage. You need to put your hard hat on and send a nuclear bomb into his fantasy.

When are you getting your own lawyer?

Nuclear bomb fantasy?? wants to establish paternity and took 1st steps. the child is not mine but product of affair. that makes it WW situation to deal with legally especially when paternity gets established. My wife can admit paternity or dna gets test done. either way he gets paternity established. we all know that it is OM's baby.not going to be possible to keep him away from child and possibly around for next long time of our lives. my options are limited. Do i give my wife ultimatum of choosing our marriage or giving up this baby if we are to make it??? Having an abortion is out of the equation.

Of course! No contact is the ONLY WAY this should be handled. IF the OM has a court order to see the child, an intermediary should be designated so you and your wife NEVER have any contact with the OM. The child exchanges would be handled by the intermediary, which should be paid for by the OM. Did you get an attorney?

And did you read Dr Harley's instructions about how to handle this? I don't get the feeling you are reading our posts.

have an attorney and he says that baby is mine unless paternity is established and that OM has right to at minimum of visitation once that paternity is established and the possibilty joint custody. 1 week with us and 1 week with OM. too many things to contemplate

Melody i do not feel you are reading all of my details. OM is obviously not going away.

With, if you don't get a grip on yourself you are not going to make it. You need to snap out of it and start listening to us. If you can't get control of your situation, you are damning yourself to a life of hell.

Now, you need to sit your wife down and tell her that you will only be staying in this marriage if she agrees to NEVER have contact with the OM again. If he has a court ordered right to see the child, then he will have to pay for an intermediary who will handle child exchanges. The IM would also be responsible for passing on any pertinent information from the OM to YOU - only.

If she agrees to those things, your marriage might have a CHANCE. If not, this is hopeless because keeping the OM around will keep you both wrecked. You will be wrecked and your wife will continue her affair. Your marriage won't survive that.

If she agrees to those things, I would contact a lawyer immediately to get protection. The lawyer must facilitate the above arrangement.

If she won't agree to end all contact with the OM, you need to file for divorce ASAP and get legal custody of your children so you are legally protected.

Whichever way, you have to see an attorney to get protection for you and your kids.

Can you WAKE up and do this?

Why won't you read my posts??? I have read every one of yours and responded. Why won't you follow the instructions?

I have read every post.

Your response please:


I spent alot of time writing this and i would like a response.

If I am not on the BC, my wife not me legally would be the one that would have the set up legal contact with the IM. this is not MY child if i am not on BC and right now that looks very doubtful. I have very little control other than over what i tell my wife she can and cannot do.

But as her husband, YOU set the conditions for your agreement to stay. Do you understand? You have full control over what you will or won't agree to. This is not out of your control and is going to spiral out of control if you don't get a grip here.

You have absolute control over whether or not you agree to stay in this marriage. And you don't set the conditions, you will not have a marriage.

Understand?

You need to go tell your wife what your conditions will be. If you don't, you are screwed.