Last week I was contacted by a strange woman that went way out of her way to locate me. She sent me a message stating that my fiance had an affair with her (one time only) and she felt I deserved to know. She gave me SOME details. One day in July 2012 he told me he was going to the VA hospital for a check-up. I had to work so I was unable to go along. We text all day that day until he arrived home. Apparently, he actually went to pick up this woman, took her to a hotel where she gave him oral sex and had intercourse with him. She says he was texting me the entire time so I would not get suspicious. He stayed at the hotel for about an hour after their intercourse and then took her home and came home to me. I remember this day and did not have any suspicion of anything when he got home that day. When I received this message I immediately called him (he was working) and asked him who this woman was. He didnt know what to say. He started out trying to deny the relations, but quickly realized I had too much information and he admitted that what she said was true. I fell apart. I guess I should mention that 2 months after he did this, he bought my engagement ring, 3 months after we found out I was pregnant, and 4 months after he proposed. I asked him a million questions, main question being "WHY???" and he has answered them all openly and honestly. This woman continued trying to contact me and then tried contacting him. He immediately told me she had called him. He has really been trying. He says it meant nothing and it was a stupid, childish mistake. He promised nothing like it will ever happen again and he has not spoken to this woman since the day he slept with her. Here is my problem. I want to believe everything he is telling me, but its hard. The work he does requires him to have a company phone. This phone is paid for by his work and is on their company plan. I have no access to monitor this phone and I am terrified he will only use it rather than his personal, as this woman stated he would do from time to time. How do I ever truly learn to trust him when he HAS to have this phone for his work? How do I know he stopped all communication with her or any other woman he may have been talking to if I cannot see his records on that phone? I am now 5 months pregnant and I am trying REALLY hard to not stress over all of this. He has been so open with me and I hate that I cant stop obsessing over all of this. I am still with him, but I dont know if I will be able to stay as long as he has the means to continue inappropriate communication. HELP!!!!

Also, please do not simply tell me to leave. I am asking for help to work through this and move past it together...not throw my life away and start over.

Working through it is the goal.

Moving past it is not. You cannot simply "move past" something like this.

You cannot "just trust him". He has to have communications you can monitor and if that means getting a new job, so be it.

You are not even married yet if I read right -- do you really want to marry someone who has already cheated? Dating is an interview for marriage. He has failed the interview.

I got the impression that there was a baby on the way, so walking away is not as simple or alluring as it might seem. If not for that, I would obviously also suggest running for the hills.

AGG

Oh, sorry about that.

Utterlylost, try breaking your text into paragraphs, it's a bit hard to read a wall like that.

Welcome to MB.

I'm sorry for your pain. I have a few questions for you.

Dating is like a job interview. Would you hire someone whom you found out was embezzling money or had a horrible drug problem. Would you hire them?

I know you're pregnant and so that adds in more complications.

What extraordinary precautions will he implement to make you feel safe?

New job? How can he live his life with full transparency? Full access to his financial records?

Take a polygraph?

How can he have boundaries around women to make you feel safe?

Terrible for you to be going through this during your pregnancy. I'm afraid you still don't have full the story yet either as this does not add up. What woman has sex only once and then decides to disclose this single event 6 months later.

There is more but don't grill him yet, first start investigating. He will not tell you the truth if you just confront him. My first thought is that this is the story the two of them decided to present to you. So sorry :-(

My boyfriend had sex with a girl one time and he called her 3 days later and told her he was sorry and that he made a mistake and that it shouldn't have happened. Four months later she wrote her name with hearts all over the windshield of his vehicle with dark red lipstick while we were in a restaurant hoping I would see it when we came out. She saw us in there and didn't want to walk up to me and tell me but wanted me to know something was up. So yes, it can happen...

If this woman had not contacted you, you would still be completely in the dark that this happened. He went out of his way to make his story believable about where he was and initiated a plan using his texting to not make you suspicious. This is all VERY BAD NEWS.

For all you know there are 20 other women out there who have slept with your fiance under similar circumstances. He's not going to admit to any of them unless the women themselves find you.

Do not marry this man.

Ditto