ok,I know i probly messed up,but I could no longer hold it in,after 5 months of stress and rejection I had to say something. I was calm throughout the whole thing,I asked her if she would tell me the truth about the info i have because we can never move forward if someone doesnt do something, she told me no matter what she says i wont believe her and basically yelled at me for attacking her,this went on for about 30 min.

then she stormed upstairs got her phone went outside and threw it all over smashing it,I said where would you like to go from here? she said she didnt know and asked me, I said i wanted to work onn our relationship and be in love again.I said this all started because i told her i wasnt comfortable w this friend a long timme ago,and she basically ignored my feelings and kept the relationship in secret and i believe thats wrong,I also said I dont believe there is any honor in a man that would pursue a married woman w a family, and thats disrespectful to that family.

I said I love you and still want the same things and hope you will too, she has said nothing since,I know it may not have been th right choice but i feel some relief,

I haven't read the whole thread, but it is very likely she will say whatever it takes to appease you and keep the affair going.

You must expose it, bring it to light. It likely can't stand scrutiny, but will thrive in secrecy. You have alerted her that she needs to go underground. Make that impossible.

You can't stop until it is destroyed. No mercy on it.

You have given them the chance to get out ahead and make you seem like a jealous fool, you realize that, right?

In my opinion, you had better get the exposure done immediately with what you have to everybody, everybody. She is just trying to keep it going now.

tunedin, since you don't seem to be able to get the truth of the affair, I would go pay him a visit ASAP and see if you can get him to tell you. Tell him you know a little about the affair and want to hear his side of it. Ask him what his intentions are with your wife. Tell him he is not to contact your wife again or he will be hearing from your lawyer.

See if you can get him to spill his guts. And you had better do this today before your wife gets to him and they make up their story.

well i just exposed to her parents and they agreed w me and told me they loved me and they understood of course my parents already know and im pretty sure her coworkers are going along w her so

put the var in the car one last time to see if i get something better to tell her, well see after work,should i tell her i told her parents, or let her talk to them, i worry shes gonna go a little ballistic after the way shes been acting this wknd, she brought up the fight we had a year ago again to basically blame me for everything which made me feel like crap, i just wannna get moving in some direction the stress is killing me and i can tell the kids sense it, this is not a healthy environment for any of us.

She will be ballistic, expect and embrace it. The madder she is, the better it worked.

Unless you kill this thing, you don't have any hope. Get that into your brain. There is to be no mercy.

But, you are making a mistake by parceling out the exposure bit by bit. It should be in one large quick and killing blow.

Do you really think you can end this without making her mad?

Tuned in, what did you tell her parents? And will they be talking with her?

Please go read my exposure thread in my signature so you know how to expose.

Did you not read my post about confronting the OM? if you don't run that POS off, you can't save your marriage. You need to DEMAND that your wife end all contact TODAY. She should never have contact with him again.

I told her parents everything i know about txts and the relationship and that i was uncomfortable about it a long time ago and she kept it a secret i told them i really loved her and wanted her to be happy w our family and work to restore our love, they totally agreed it was inappropriate to have that in a marriage, i am pretty close w both parents and they understand, i was not able to find this guy last night but the way my w was acting i didnt know what she would do next so i had to get the ball rolling.

my wife called me this afternoon and was extremely upset that i had talked to her parents andthat she was going home, i had been watching her work today and saw her leave so i went home to meet her, she brought up a couple past fights we had from a couple yrs ago and said it was all my fault that she had to hide the affair from me it was very hard to go through but i just kept saying this man cannot be a part of our life and i want a happy loving family and i want to work on that together and her relationship has to end w him

she said she was sorry for hiding it but she didnt say she would end the relationship,she kept saying it was all because of things i had said in the past,she went to stay w her dad tonite and i told her i thought she should leave the kids at home cuz she was gonna take them, she agreed and left,she hasnt spoken to her dad since christmas and i think its because she knows he would agree w having a happy family.

i know she is gonna try and spin me as the bad guy, but i can only trust that her parents will tell her she should try, her dad told me he went through a similar exp and he understood and loved me and hoped for the same as me

as for this guy the only way i have to contact him right now is through facebook, our phone is shut off. i know this could have gone bette but like i said, my wife was talking about gettting a loan yesterday and my gut told me i had to act w what i had while i still had a chance

I would certainly not call him or email him. Go pay him a visit. FACE TO FACE. Leave your pistol in the car. Do you have a big friend you can take with you?

He needs to hear from YOU that his affair is over. Tell him he is DONE.

I don't understand the relevance of the loan. Were you concerned she was getting a loan in order to leave you?

All I am saying is don't stop now and don't wait. A halfway exposure isn't all that much better than none. You have to do everything to stop the affair in short order.

yes i thought they were planning something w the loan, she also didnt seem to care about getting bills paid when we were talking last nite and she has never been that way b4, she took the car as we only have one, the kids are here w me, i will do whatever i need to right now

She LEFT with your only car?? I would get her home. If she wants to stay out all night, she needs to hoof it! You have children there.

Call her up and tell her to bring the car home. And then go pay the OM a visit.

ML is right. Have a VAR with you as well. Make sure you have a friend and tell your friend to stop you from doing anything stupid.

I don't know what to do, she won't come home till morning she said, I'm just gonna play with my kids n forget about it for tonite,I'm starting to feel like I'm over reacting, I dont believe a word she says, she obviously has never forgivin me for those fights we had, and i can only hope she does one day

You just call her up and tell her to get the car home. That is outrageous that she ran off and left you with carless with your kids.

Do you even know if she is at her parents house? Or is she with the OM? IN YOUR FAMILY CAR?

You are UNDER REACTING. You are being passive while the titanic sinks. That is why this situation has got so out of hand. Your conflict avoidance has created this crisis. And it will get worse if you won't get off your butt and start fighting for your marriage.

What in the world are you talking about? Your wife has run off to conduct her affair in the family car and left you car=less and you are worried if she forgives you for a long ago fight??

YOUR WIFE IS HAVING AN AFFAIR, SIR! WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!

Listen to Mel

You had better wake up, figure out if you are gonna fight and start doing it, pronto.

Good Lord, brother. Your house is under siege and you are worried about angering the thief? Come on now...the thief is the affair. Kill it.

Think of it as chemo...the good cells fight the bad and then the good with no guarantee. Fight regardless of the outcome.