Already did! HE completely agreed!

I think your marriage is worth saving.
I also think there are still lies and half truths.
What are you going to do about that?

I'm still not entirely sure. I found out on Thursday of last week when I was on his facebook. She thought she was talking to him and started talking about it. So of course I pretended to be him. I needed to know. Since that day I have lost an additional 10lbs. Sick to my stomach and unable to eat. But he is too. He has barely eaten. He has been crying and begging me to TRY to forgive him. Or at the very least try and see if we will EVER be able to move on. He tells me how horrible a person he is for hurting me. But wouldn't ANY GUY caught say those types of things. He already has agreed to never speaking to her ever. I have already informed him that regardless of my decision his even saying hello to her is my walking away. he said absoultely. I wouldnt expect anything less.

** Also... the reason I feel like there might be more to this is one day I had a flat tire at work. I called his job because I didn't realize we didn't have a tire iron in the new vehicle. He had gotten off early. Like an hour before I called. At that time we didn't even have cell phones. I kept calling my house for 3 hrs before he got back home. He came up to my job and helped me but when questioned about where he had gone. he said he went to the library. to get online and check his job hunting site. But we have internet at home. His excuse was that our 13yr old daughter was on there. I don't buy it. But he will never admit to it... I know him. There was also one day when he had the entire day off and said nothing. Left like he was going to work to find out he didn't have to. When I questioned him.... he said that he was driving around all day applying for jobs.

Put a GPS on his vehicle.
Did you see this suggestion and simply not respond?

I don't have access to the means to do this.

Tell your H you need $100 for an emergency.
Look up ezoom at radio shack

...he said he went to the library. to get online and check his job hunting site. But we have internet at home. His excuse was that our 13yr old daughter was on there. I don't buy it. But he will never admit to it... I know him. There was also one day when he had the entire day off and said nothing. Left like he was going to work to find out he didn't have to. When I questioned him.... he said that he was driving around all day applying for jobs.

Ahhhhh, the beauty of modern polygraphs! Arrange a lie-detector test for him. Suddenly he'll "remember" a whole lotta details!

Here.
Polygraph Testing

So I told my husband if there was anyway at all we were going to salvage the marriage that he had to start telling me the truth. I told him I had already spoken to the OW and she told me everything. So if his story didn't match he was out the door. So he better think long and hard and make sure he gives it to me straight. After he would tell me something I didn't believe I would say oh really is that what your going with. And he would change it. I am fairly certain after all of that ...I finally have the truth.

He did have an affair. It started 8 months ago. And they've gotten together 5-6 times. What makes me sad the most is it wasn't just sex. He made love to her... and told her he loved her. Though he completely denies loving her. And has already cut ties with her.

What is wrong with me. I was angry... cause he lied. But when the truth finally came out.. I was kind of relieved. And now I'mjust wanting us to be ok... Why can't I hate him, for what he's done to me?

The truth is good and relief from the pain is even better. Savor that for now. In the days, weeks, months ahead, you may experience the rollercoaster of emotions which will bring all of those right back to the front. It's temporary, so I'm told, so keep pressing forward and meeting each other's needs. No matter what happens though, make sure you stay healthy and keep working on you.

Of course he did. You already knew that when your skirt went missing. That was more than weird. It was a clue.

Try not to use euphemisms. Are you telling us that he told you that they had sex 5-6 times? Or, are you telling us that he told you they saw each other 5-6 times?



This makes her dangerous. Know that. In the sick/twisted mind of an OW, this gives her some sort of warped 'ownership' of your H.

He was trying her on for size. He was comparing her to you. That's what WH do.


He needs to PROVE this to be factually true to YOUR satisfaction .... unless you want to make yourself sick with worry & doubt. Complete 100% transparency.


You are heartbroken. Nothing is wrong with you. The situation feels wrong. Do not become the situation.


Bad news, there might be more he is hiding. Watch him like a hawk.


You must NOT sweep this under the rug. If you settle for "OK" there is a strong probability for another future infidelity.

You must study/learn/implement affair-proofing your M.



That's not necessary. Hate is too heavy when coupled with your current grieving.

Are you ready to MB your recovery?

Why can't I hate him, for what he's done to me?

You are still processing, and in time, it's likely (though not certain) you will experience the "joys" of blinding hate. It is good you wrote this line today; it will help to read it then.

Proceed with the polygraph, btw. You don't yet have the full story.

Yes, proced with the polygraph. You might have the truth but probably not. A poly would verify that and give you a chance to move forward.

I agree.
5-6 times in 8 months sounds like a lie.

Has he told you "I never meant to hurt you." yet?

The A started back here.
Started as a secret EA/crush/flirting, what-have-you.
Not buying the 8 months ago timeline.

Agree with the polygraph and I also suspect that he's still seeing her. What are you doing to monitor his communication with her? Never believe the words of a wayward!

I have placed a GPS on his car that I can track from my cell. I also activated a GPS on his phone. While he was sleeping. So he doesn't even know that it's on there. (for now anyway.) as long as he keeps his phone on. which he always does. I can see where he is at random times. Any time of the day. :-D
Also.... I have a question.. The OW started sending me emails. I told her to leave me alone but she kept saying things to hurt me. "He never had any complaints with me." "He Loved every min. of it." then she said a couple of things that I don't know how to feel about them...
She said, "We have been seeing each other on and off for a couple of years. He's a [censored] for lying to not only you but me as well." Next Email... " He told me he loved me. He also told me he loved you more... but he said he loved me MORE THAN A FRIEND!"
Then the next one... "You have him wrapped around your finger. He does everything you tell him to do. That's not a REAL MAN. Did you take his phone away from him too?"

I think that she thinks the more things she sends me...that I'm going to just kick him out right now. Because to me it sounds like she's been trying to get ahold of him. And he isn't answering her. And it also sounds like maybe there were times she wanted them to get together and he said I can't My Wife asked me to do... Whatever. Or she wanted him to not leave after and he did to come home. I don't know how to take this.
I BTW have started just sending her messages to a folder i created in my email. I called it work so he has no clue. But I can't read anymore. She is helping to completely break me and I can't keep doing this.

Canbe,

This is harassment. You have already told her to leave you alone. Ask an attorney to draft a letter to OW telling her to never contact you again.

Good job at keeping the correspondence. Keep a close watch on your husband and his activities.

AM

Contact a lawyer to draft a "cease and desist" letter. In it, make sure to state further harassment will result in contacting authorities and obtaining a RO.

Send the letter to OW and CC it to others in OWs circle...