My husband has lied to me about a number of things. I don't really feel like recounting everything at the moment so I'll skip right to the question.

Since WWS's have a tendency to lie and lie and lie, even though you know it, how can you get them to admit the WHOLE truth. Maybe some people don't want to know the whole truth. But I need to know so I know what I'm really dealing with.

Usually my instincts about people are spot on. But he has confused me to no end. Getting information from him is basically like pulling teeth. It's beyond frustrating. So what do I do?

Give him an opportunity to come clean and confess everything followed by a polygraph. Scheduling a polygraph usually motivates a WS to tell the truth. If not, you don't have a marriage anyway and are better off getting divorced.

That's why Dr. Harley says we must have radical honesty.

BUT with Waywards they will lie.

So you must have snooping techniques in place. Never confront a wayward because they will lie.

What snooping techniques do you have?

Also, have him take a polygraph.
Here Polygraph Testing

I check his Facebook and email. Check his phone. Check his calls and texts on the cell phone provider's site and match up numbers in his phone. Every once in a while I'll randomly ask what's this number and ask him to match it in his phone. Sometimes I'm able to confirm these numbers with his friend's number's on Facebook. I also have K9 Web Protection on the computer which saves all internet history from every browser, even in incognito (stupidest thing ever invented). I can then match those up with things in the history to see if he has been attempting to tamper with the history or cookies.

I don't think a GPS would do me any good because his job requires he goes to customer's houses. His employer is very strict about doing anything with customers (it's a small, family owned business and has fired people for inappropriate conduct with customers before). I don't think my husband would risk his job like this because he works closely with the owner and values his opinion.

I don't feel I need a keylogger. He only gets on the laptop when I'm here (in general I'm always home when he is except on rare occasions). Today I blocked all data on his phone.

My main issue isn't what is happening right now. It's finding out what has happened in the past. He was in the military and had too many opportunities to cheat on me. He would never admit it, but while he was enlisted I saw he had made 3 dating site profiles in one day. Meaning he intended to cheat on me at the very least. I think I could maybe deal with that. But if he actually did something physically with another woman after we were married I don't think I'd even want to work it out. I found the dating sites the day after he made them and there were no messages sent on it. Just the profiles filled out and the confirmation emails sent. He lied that he ever made them.

We've also had issues with pron and him trying to get in touch with old female friends from high school/ ex girlfriends. So far as I know that's all he's done. But it's eating me alive thinking he could have done more.

Part of me wants to believe he'd never actually go have sex with someone else. But the military effectively brainwashed him into someone I barely recognize. I've realized he lies about everything. So maybe what he's told me about cheating and his beliefs on it are also a lie. I just want to know how to get HIM to admit the truth.

Have him take a polygraph.
Polygraph Testing

Msfur, you would be surprised how many people in high-risk jobs like his would have affairs with clients/others, that could result in their firing. They get selfish and think they're invincible...etc, etc. The job just gets in the way.

I guess I mean that at this time I don't think he'd risk that. Besides, he doesn't have the opportunity right now bc he is working one on one with the owner while he is training.

I do also think most of those high profile job people work closely with the person they have an affair with. With this job it's generally you see them once for about 30-60 minutes while you do the job and don't have much down time because you have to get on to the next job. But I see what you're saying.

Are you going to schedule a polygraph?

I'm looking in to the polygraph thing. First I'm going to ask him what he'd think of taking one.

If he acts like he really wouldn't mind, should I bother scheduling it?

By the way, I have done some research on polygraphs in the area and have sent them an inquiry.

Yes follow through.

Then on the way there give him a list of your questions. We see a lot of Wayward's come completely clean. Read the polygraph thread for what others have asked.

I would first schedule the polygraph and about 2 days before the test hand him a list of all your questions. Tell him you won't remain in dishonest marriage and you are giving him the opportunity to prove his past faithfulness. He has one last chance to come clean but you fully expect him to pass the test.

Typically what happens is the WS will confess to several affairs before the test in the hopes you will call it off. When you don't call it off, you can expect a few more "confessions" on the way to the polygraph. That is how you get to the truth.

And if he does mind, you will know he is lying about something and can make the decision if you want stay married to him.

Have you been checked for STDs? I would strongly suggest you get that done.