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I NEVER said I "called him twice", I said I SPOKE with him twice, I called ONCE, he called me ONCE.
There IS/WAS no "cover". You just sound more incredible with every post, do you realize that? Your defensiveness makes you very unbelievable. You used the phone calls as COVER, which should have set off his spidey senses. I hope he is watching you like a bloodhound. If not, he needs to.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I hope he is watching you like a bloodhound. If not, he needs to. And I'm sure you don't have a problem with that, right?
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I NEVER said I "called him twice", I said I SPOKE with him twice, I called ONCE, he called me ONCE.
There IS/WAS no "cover". Not true... You said this just a few posts back: He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am still at a loss as to why you were shopping when there is a NC letter to be written and sent, and knowing you were going to have to invest some time into finding the way to send it ....
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Whitepages.com is a good website on finding mailing address. Make sure its sent certified and signed by POSOM. Also, let your BH review of for authenticity.
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The OM threatened to end it with me,if I refused to move in with him. How did you not know where he wanted you to move to? I just want to share this with you from the perspective of a BH. You need to put this stuff on the front burner. I guarantee you that your H is thinking about this 24/7. And I mean all the time, day and night. He sees this as the most important issue of his life and it is torturing him relentlessly. The best thing you can do right now is treat this like your most important priority too.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
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Ms. Cen,
I understand where you and your BH are coming from. Right after my A, my H allowed me to go out to dinner with a girlfriend. While out at dinner I called him twice. Not as a cover but just to check on him and make sure he was okay alone without me by his side (it was the first time I went out without him post A). I told him I would be home by 9:00.
My H has never been a stickler for time so when I walked in at 9:05 and he was freaking out and angry with me, it was the first time that I really got a look at the damage I had done. It was the first time that I came to the realization that I HAD to be accounted for at all times in order for him to feel safe.
Even doing something as simple as exchanging a shirt can and will set him off. Even if he says its okay, I would try not to go anywhere or do anything where there is lost time and his mind can wonder. He is VERY fragile and you need to see this and understand it.
I have not personally used it but I have seen it suggested on this site, Spokeo has been suggested for finding people. I think you can get a month free for only a couple of bucks.
I think this might be a good thing for you and your H to do together then send the letter together. This letter is his security blanket right now. Find a way to get it mailed ASAP!!!
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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I NEVER said I "called him twice", I said I SPOKE with him twice, I called ONCE, he called me ONCE.
There IS/WAS no "cover". Not true... You said this just a few posts back: He DID know where I was, I spoke with him twice on the phone while I was at the store. MelodyLane - please actually read my post BEFORE commenting - my post said I "spoke to him twice", no where in there did I say I called him twice, as I explained to you and the other thread readers - he called me ONCE, I called him ONCE - thus making it TWICE that we spoke while I was out.
FWW, 36
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Since my BS has done exposure, I sent my sister a text asking her to find him by name on FB and ask for his address - which she has done.
The NC letter has been written and is in an envelope waiting for my BS to read and approve.
FWW, 36
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How's the NC letter coming?
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Ah, I see we posted at the same time  Is he home to read it?
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Hate to point this out but maybe if the NC letter was sent your BH wouldn't be freaking out as much when you are away from him. Your ignoring a bigger issues for something contrite. What steps have you taken to find the address for this POSOM and get the NC letter done? It was suggested this should be an activity you both do together.
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Has he responded with his address?
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No, he is at work - he checks in frequently and I'm sure will see it at some point this am.
FWW, 36
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Hate to point this out but maybe if the NC letter was sent your BH wouldn't be freaking out as much when you are away from him. Your ignoring a bigger issues for something contrite. What steps have you taken to find the address for this POSOM and get the NC letter done? It was suggested this should be an activity you both do together. BS wanted the info found by the time he came home from work today. As I posted, I asked my sister to find him by name on FB and get an address.
FWW, 36
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Has he responded with his address? She (DS) has not called or texted back yet, I have until he comes home to get it.
FWW, 36
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Has he responded with his address? She (DS) has not called or texted back yet, I have until he comes home to get it. Spend your time exploring other ways of getting it while your sister waits for a response.
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Your BH should not be taking out his justified anger on you. That is the least important bit of information in this whole thing, because that's his battle to fight, not yours.
The most important bit of info in all this is the NC letter. Let me break it down for you. If you could find a way to get in touch with OM in the first place, if you could spend enough time online or on the phone to make a connection, if you could find the ways, means, and time to meet with him and pull your pants down, if you could get so far with your adultery that OM wanted you to live with him and be his Lust Shack Queen, then don't try to say you have no way of sending him an NC letter.
Have a friend, or better yet your pastor, call OM on his cell phone and say you need to send him a letter. Search everything you can think of. Zabasearch.com may have something.
So your initial contact was on FB? Well, unless he's deleted his account, a letter can be sent there. If your BH is unwilling to send it himself, have a friend send it for you, to both OM and BH so BH can see that it was actually sent.
You're spending so much time parsing words about your ill-advised shopping trip, that you're missing the most important thing. Did you call him twice? Did he call you twice? Did you each call each other once? Your defensiveness is at the very least foggy, and at the worst deceptive, but the bottom line is STOP WASTING TIME AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO SEND THE LETTER.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Oh good, it sounds like you've been making some progress while I was posting. Don't just sit around waiting to see if he writes your sis, though. Keep hunting, keep brainstorming. This is a vital first step, and you will get nowhere (nor will your BH) until it's done.
I also noticed that as soon as you began to take concrete action, the tone of your posts changed, and became less foggy and defensive, at least for now. That's also a good thing. Right actions lead to right feelings.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Have a friend, or better yet your pastor, call OM on his cell phone and say you need to send him a letter. Very good suggestion. I was just thinking your husband could text him, posing as you, asking for his address so you could send him a letter.
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