Two most weeks. I am currently lobbying for one more.

And are you guys having sex after (or during) the dates?

What's preventing the one more?

We have scheduled Tues, Thurs, Sat for SF.

Currently, Sat is the only date night that matches up. So I have suggested we also go out Tuesdays and Thursdays. Last week, we did get our date in on Thursday.

Even though we haven't been getting out on Tues and Thurs, we have been spending at least two hours together beforehand on those days. Of course, after reading around and getting advice I am trying to change that up.

It doesn't seem to matter though. Last Saturday night she told me that "The only problem with sex night is we have to do it."

She doesn't want to spend the money. She is not enthusiastic about it.

I don't understand why you are scheduling sex on different nights besides the dates! That doesn't sound like Dr. Harley's plan. No wonder it's not working.

So I should refuse sex if she won't agree to the dates?

I'm saying we have sex scheduled for Tues, Thursday, and Saturday. We have dates scheduled for Saturday and I'm trying to get her to agree to Tuesdays and Thursdays as well. Or pick any other two days. Doesn't matter to me?

What time do the kids go to bed? What do you do in the 2 hrs on Tues and Thurs. I'm thinking you can do formal dinners and/or movie nights at home. Prepare a simple but scrumptuous dinner (Steak and potatoes with asparagus and red wine.. yum!) Set the table with your best china, candlelight, music, dim the lights and voila! In house date! Option 2, movie night... best to do romantic comedies (chick flicks.... haha). Dim the lights, popcorn. SF in front of the TV? Option 3. Game night; twister? Jenga, scrabble, etc... poker.. invent options that involve losing an item of clothing, or doing something silly like a striptease for the losing person.

BE CREATIVE!!!!

On "The doctors" one of the doctors did a minifeature where he and his wife did nude body painting before SF.

Point is brainstorm with fc ways to get in a good date night at home without spending money.

BTW. Great job on digging up those old posts. That 2 yr one is a gem.

You're missing the point.

You are supposed to schedule the sex on the nights of your dates. She needs to have the 3 hours of dating before sex. Otherwise, it is very likely she will not desire the sex at all.

Dr. Harley says that for each time you would like to have sex, you need to give her a 3 hour date that proceeds it FIRST.

She very likely cannot enjoy sex without these dates first. That is why she feels she "has to do it." And this is why you are feeling worn down.

Having sex scheduled on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday, but only 1 scheduled date on Saturday, will not work.

I'm not missing the point. I get what you are saying.

I just want to make these two points clear though:

1. Her statement about "having to do it" WAS at the end of a 3+ hour date.

2. She is not enthusiastic about going out more than once a week. The specific objection stated by her was "We live in financial hardship already."

Essentially, the answer to my question


..is boiled down to "Yes".

With the exception that "refusing" is an optimistic word to use.

She would have to be offering in order for you to refuse.




Here's the thing; you do the work to eliminate your Love Busters and meet her Emotional Needs.

You create the opportunities for UA time.

If she refuses to follow, she is refusing Just Compensation - and nobody would advise you to stay in a loveless and sexless marriage.


However - I'll bet you a wooden nickel there is something else going on here - do you still have monitoring in place?

Essentially, yes. Because of the way you're doing it.

No, you should not refuse sex if she offers.
But she is not offering.
You are scheduling sex on nights with no dates.
Those sex nights should not even be scheduled because there are no dates to precede them.

SCHEDULE the dates, which are then followed by scheduled sex.

Well, we went on our date last night and she has rather unenthusiastically agreed to go out next week on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. So that's where I'm at.

I'll do my part to plan these out and make them as fun as possible.

If she will go on the dates, even if she doesn't believe it will work at first - it will still work.

Be conversational. Read and reread the friends and enemies of good conversation every day. Start tracking yourself on whether you are including/excluding them each time.

Good idea.

On a positive note, I was informed today I will be getting a raise at work. Not sure on the amount yet, but it should help with the cost complaint.

Well, no date night tonight because the babysitter couldn't come. She will for sure be here Thursday and Saturday.

..so what kind of conversation should I have withe my W?

"Since we aren't going on our date tonight I don't think we should have sex" ???

Otherwise, she is going to initiate it. It's scheduled.

Give her a bubble-bath instead.
Concentrate on the shampoo.
Paint her toe-nails something garish.
Massage her back while she listens to her favorite music.

Eventually, one of the two of you is going to have to convince the other that "making love" first makes "having sex" precious.

She was content to go to sleep early. I'm going to concentrate on Thursday and Saturday and do my best to make them good dates.