FTF,

Is it possible for the dates to end in some kind of intimacy other than intercourse? I've found with my W that there is no forcing a horse to drink so to speak, and it might avoid the horrors of artificial lubrication, which I am too familiar with.

God Bless
Gamma

Well, if you're saying what I think you are saying, it usually does. Not by my choice BTW. Ten minutes of one sided SF isn't my idea of a great time.

Well, Thursday date night went well I think. On to Saturday.

We have our next appointment with Jennifer tonight. It's been about a month since we last spoke to her. I'm having trouble organizing what I want to get help with from her. Other than the obvious. Any suggestions from the board on things you see that I need help with?

I don't understand why we're not making more progress. I don't love bust my wife. I've corrected every complaint she has about me, or at least put in a great effort to do so. I'm spending as much time with her as I can. I make time to date her every week multiple times. I study the program and try to put into practice what I've learned.

I don't get it.

How much UA time are you getting?

FtF, are you guys listening to Dr. Harley's radio show? Maybe you can find out there what you are missing.

5/5 - 5/11 = 12.5
5/12 - 5/18 = 15.5
5/19 - 5/25 = 11.5
5/26 - 6/1 = 15.0
6/2 - 6/8 = 14.0
6/9 - 6/15 = 14 (Including tonight)

I listen to the show every day. She really doesn't like listening to it at all.

...and I'm not really sure why either. She doesn't like the forums, she doesn't like listening to the radio show. She says it is repetitive. It would be a Dj for me to speculate otherwise I believe?

Babysitter will be here for our date in 10 mins, so I'll check back later.

Did you share this with Dr. Chalmers, and what did she say?

Well, that's one thing there: you do need to bring this up to 15 or more every week. I see you putting a lot of time in there, but just not quite enough hours. 14 isn't enough. Dr. Harley says there really seems to be something "magic" about getting those 15 hours.

Yes, it would most likely be a DJ to speculate.

It's okay if she's not listening for now - the important thing is to keep YOU listening. Figuring out these last couple rungs on the ladder is going to take a bit of continued education and motivation on your part. The show provides both.

Have you considered emailing Dr. Harley and asking him for some help on the show? It's free!

This is my guess: at this point your wife is not quite in love with you. She probably feels good about you, may even say she loves you, but you're just not quite past the romantic love threshold. You need just a little more time each week (get those 15 hours), and you may need to make a couple more small adjustments in your love bank depositing technique, and you are likely to cross the romantic love threshold.

When you do, your wife is going to change. Her emotions are going to motivate her to meet your emotional needs with a motivation neither of you can imagine right now. It's going to multiply her efforts x1000. You are going to suddenly start to feel a lot better, because she is suddenly going to be making much bigger love bank deposits.

Take a listen to the radio show links below. It's one of the best ever for men, I think. Probably my favorite of all time. (I was actually on the show myself a couple days later!)

Thanks for the feedback. We had a pretty good date last night, but it's not what you would expect. We went out to eat at a place we have wanted to try, and it turned out to be totally different than we expected..in a good way.

After that, we went....grocery shopping. It was her idea. I know it sounds totally unromantic, but we had a pleasant time.

I did not. But, even so, she has specific things she wants us doing more of. The big ones are more time, and more, consistent feedback. She wants us giving each other feedback on how we are meeting each others top 5 needs each week. We kind of slacked off on that the past month. Mostly because my W told me she didn't have any feedback because "she hadn't done anything". (Which is totally untrue by the way).

A couple of things stand out to me, FTF.

First of all, I'm sure you understand that fifteen hours of UA time is the minimum time need to maintain romantic love. A marriage in crisis, working on restoration of romantic love, needs more than fifteen.

I understand you are finding it very difficult to get in even the minimum; however, your marriage will continue to limp along unless you and your wife can somehow jumpstart this requirement.

The other thing that stands out is the conversation you had with Dr. Harley, in which he said your wife has a very high emotional need for admiration and that you need to become the "president of her fan club." Would your wife say she is satisfied with the way you are meeting this need?

It's very easy to slack off on the feedback, but it is so important to keep that up, as Dr. Chalmers told you. It is your road map to romantic love.

When you and your wife were dating, what kinds of things did you both enjoy doing? What caused her to fall in love with you in the first place?

I do understand. I know that the minimum is 15 hours, but that is really intended for couples that are already in love. 20+ hours in recommended to create romantic love. I'm really pushing to get as much time as I can. I mean really, what woman wouldn't be sooooo happy her husband wants this?

One of her friends/customers came to pick up her kid just the other day and said "you are so lucky" because my wife mentioned having a date scheduled.


I'll keep pushing for it. I got about a $375 per month raise starting next month, so I hope this will ease the budget concerns she has.


I don't know. Since then, she hasn't identified it (AD) as a top need. I trust his intuition though. I wonder if he picked up on something that Dr C. has not?


That is my mission for this month. I want to make sure we get our feedback in.

FTF,

After that, we went....grocery shopping. It was her idea. I know it sounds totally unromantic, but we had a pleasant time.

Very good thing to do, any time together is better than falling short. I think I almost never went shopping with my W before MB, I can't imagine not going now. Putting thing in the cart sorting coupons it's all good and provides domestic support.

Sometimes you just have to meet their needs without expectation of return.

On occasion my W gets compliments on my helping her and I think this helps too.

God Bless
Gamma

We got our date in yesterday (Tuesday). Yahoo! We have another scheduled tomorrow (Thursday). This weekend we are going away together without the children. Again, Yahoo!

I'd really love it if my W would join me on the forum and study with me more. Any tips for bringing this up?