I understand I know I was not in plan b before. I will follow everything that has been posted. He is taking our kids camping from tomorrow on. I can't kick him out right in front of the kids (the big kids do know he's being kicked out and why) and he won't leave on his own. Monday when he leaves for work is the soonest I can do this. It will give me time to figure out an IM and we won't be together anyway, me, the baby and my 14 yo dd are staying here.

Have you asked him to leave? You CAN ask him respectfully to leave in front of your kids. Tell him his affair is too painful for you to endure and ask him to pack up and leave.

No, we have seen people have nervous breakdowns from trying to not have an IM.

I have asked him to leave. 3x since Saturday, he has refused yesterday he said no then I told him again and he said he would leave when the kids are sleeping, he did not. He said he'll leave when he's ready. When I asked when he planned on it, he said he doesn't know. I know she is pushing him to stay. He is already packed. I did that for him when I saw him at her house. He said he can pack for himself.
I really don't think that he has any intentions of leaving. I have to do it when he's already out of the house. Even when I kicked him out last time, he still tried to follow me to the car. He told his sister last time he wouldn't have left even though he told me over and over he was going to. I will see if his work friend can be our IM. If not then the only people I have left are people who will tell me everything he says.

You should consult an attorney.
Tell the attorney that your husband is having an affair and comes in and out of the marital home, causing you emotional stress.
Explain to the attorney that you are following the advice of Dr Bill Harley author of Surviving an Affair and you need to get him out of the home and file for child support and ensure your finances are protected.

The attorney can help with this and the initial visit is usually free. I would do this first because you don't want him to empty the bank accounts when he leaves.

And DONT tell him you are seeing an attorney.

Child support was established when he left last time, he also gave me the rest of his check. I just gave him $100 a week out of it, our divorce is also 1/2 paid for. He already knows I've seen a lawyer and paid 1/2 the retainer last time. We never stopped the c.s. order so I would still have that, plus we talked the other day and I told him I would need the same amount of money this time because I wold have a hard time finding a job, and he said he would do that.

Also with NC, our neices graduation party is coming up in August, they waited until other family were going to be here. So how do I handle that? It's his sisters daughter, but I babysat her every day until she was 10, she does feel like one of my own to me. I can't ask him not to go, and I would be so disapointed not to go and so would my niece, also our kids bday party is coming up. One has his bday in june the other july and we always do the party mid july. How do I do that now?
And the IM, it's looking like the only people I can get are going to be ones who will pass everything along or tell us what we are doing. We don't belong to a church or anything, are they better options than text? I can ignore what he texts, but they will tell him my reaction to what he says.

jct, you would need to skip any events that he will be attending. Seeing him at some event will make you feel horrible. Just send a nice present to the niece and explain to her on the phone why you can't be there. You don't need to be there to send your best wishes.

I would keep working on getting a good IM. "Texting' is not an option. It defeats the entire purpose.

Ok, I have a few more questions. I have not gone to plan B yet, our son was involved in an accident and broke both his arm and leg, he may need surgery which we'll find out for sure August 29. I was planning on kicking him out after that. As bad as things are I need him here to help with the kids while we've been to all my sons appointments.
I did a 2cnd workplace expousure, this time certified mail and cc'd. He was approached by upper management and is furious. I'm not sure I ever have seen him this mad, he said I am trying to ruin his life, he can't trust me now, I humilliated him, just all kinds of stuff. So I think it had the opposite effect on him?

As for plan b he has already figured out what I'm going to do (he knows because I was getting ready to do this last time). He said he won't go through anyone else, he wants to be able to see the kids more and he doesn't see why I can't be here as well, that I'm being immature about this. Obviously I can make sure I'm not here when he sees the kids. There isn't any other place for him to see them except for her house and that is not happening. And I can block his phone # from my cell and not answer if he calls the house, but what else can I do? I cannot afford to change the locks, I'm just planning on taking his house key, last time he kept 1 that I thought he lost though. Also some of the older kids don't want to see him when he leaves, how do I handle that? Mostly my 11 & 14 yo. My 16 & 17 both have friends they see on the weekends and my 17 yo has a job that he works on the weekends

Other than this I'm all set for plan B, just waiting to see what the dr says.

Is he still at the house?

You can't go to a Home appliance store and buy new locks and have someone help you install them?

Why did you do a second exposure at his workplace? Did the first one not get through?

Having any communication with him is not Plan B?

If he won't communicate through an IM then he doesn't get to hear from you.

Is he still with OW?

He is still in the house, with our 11 yo being pretty much bedridden until the casts come off, I really need his help w/ our other 7 children. Th casts come off August 29 and hopefully he'll not need surgery.

I can get the locks but I really have no one that could put them in, I can't ask my 16 or 17 yo to change the locks on their dad, and really I know of no one else. We are living pretty much paycheck to paycheck right now, with school starting I just can't afford the cost.

I did a 2nd exposure because I received no response from the 1st and that was done last year he stopped the affair and then restarted it.

He is still with her, I know that any communication is not plan b, I plan on ignoring anything he tries, is it normal for WH's to try and ignore nc?

Do your children know the truth about their dad's affair?

Yes waywards who want to play the "you don't tell me who I have to talk to" card does not respect the BS's need for NC. It's abuse. They continue to be entitled and inflict pain on the BS.

Their dad chose to break up the family not you or them.

My oldest 4 do, the younger ones are 6, 4, 3 and 8 months. I am going to tell the 6 yo, my 4 yo I'm not sure yet and the 3 yo and 8 month old wouldn't understand anyway.

Jct, I just read your thread and wanted to extend my utmost sympathy to you. I am also a betrayed spouse with a large family (not quite as large as yours - we have five kids) and I understand just how devastating this is. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree the 3 and 8mo are too young.

Have you seen this?
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I kicked my husband out last week. I was going to wait until after my sons dr. appointment, but I realised that I would be under less stress with him gone.

I took his stuff to work at lunch along with my plan b letter, and his lunch. I probably shouldn't have taken his lunch though.

So the only IM I have available is my sister and it's not working out well, he of course doesn't want an IM and she works in the er and goes to school and messages are not getting anywhere in a timely fashion. There have also been a few times where she hasn't received messages I've sent, my husband has also ignored most of her texts and texted me directly. I've gotten a new phone with a new # that he does not know.

As of right now he sees the kids in our home and he has gone along with what I asked of coming in/out the front and I use the back. Yesterday he left a note in my laptop though, saying that he doesn't gas money money to come out here tomorrow and thursday unless i have gas money and that he really wishes I could be nice to him (I think he means sit and talk with him like last time) once and a while. I'm at a loss of what to do there is not 1 single person I can think of to be an IM, how can I fix this situation?

Hi jct, more later, but for now I would change the locks so he can't come in your home. He needs to pick up the kids and take them out for visitation. Set up a very rigid visitation schedule, such as every Wednesday night from 5 to 7 and every Saturday from 1 to 4.

In the meantime, I would look to find another IM. Why is he sending you so much communication? If only PERTINENT communication about child visitation and finances is passed on, then what is all this communication regarding? Communication should be very rare if you set everything up in advance, such as an iron clad visitation.

Oh wait, I see you have an 8 month old. In that case, I would arrange visitation/pickups at someone's house.

I wish there was somewhere else he could see the kids, all our family here just don't have the room for 8 kids to come or just won't. I honestly can't think of 1 person who could be an IM. We didn't go to church or have any friends. My husband does have 1 friend who I thought of but his brother has leukimia and that is where his focus is right now. I wouldn't feel right asking him for this. Until he left the note this was working well with me leaving, we didn't run into each other at all.

Last time when he was gone anytime he came I was here, I cooked dinner, and we put the younger ones to bed and sat on the couch and talked (I know, I know, it was stupid but I've learned)and within a couple weeks he was wanting to come back. I think he thought it would be the same this time.

The communication is mostly when he'll see the kids, I did give him the schedule for visitation, but he thinks that it isn't enough, and this week i said he could have extra since it was the last week before school starts. He works 2nd shift so he can see them during the week now. The schedule I gave him was Tuesday & Thursday 12 -3:10 Saturday & Sunday 1-5 and 1 lunch a week, but he had to bring his own lunch and text our IM 1 day in advance. I printed out our county general visitation schedule also so he could see what he would get in a divorce.

What he had last time was Saturday & Sunday around 11-1 until 8-9. Towards the end he came closer to 11 and left after 9 sometimes. He also came for lunches anywhere from 2-4x a week. Every Wednesday while I took my kids to appointments, I picked him up around 9:30 and he left at worktime. He did not have a car but we were looking for 1 for me and after finding one he waned to com 2 or 3 more times during the week from 11 until he had to leave for work.