well, H never did prove whether or not he was really in sandiego 2 weeks ago (when i found a charge at a hotel in mendocino--many hours the other direction--and that i called to find that OW had signed in there, and that he said he "paid for it for her over the telephone" b/c she was out of money. BUT then he said he waited for her at his office for hours and she paid him a check back for most of it) not suspiscious at all, huh?<BR>well, at this point, all i want is an answer from him. he tells me i need to trust him so we can move on, and will not provide me the evidence i need (no plane ticket stubs, credit card receipts, nothing). so, i told him i CAN NOT move forward with trusting him until i get proof, and he won't be pressured into anything, and just wants me to believe he went south because he told me so, no proof.<BR>neither of us will budge an inch.<BR>i don't even care if he tells me he was with her all weekend, as evidence is suggesting, i just want him to acknowledge this is hurting me, and that my anger will subside as soon as he gives me SOME answer.<BR>what can i do to get over this? it is ruining my life!!<BR>help!<P>

love, How do you think that he paid for the trip ? Credit card ? Call the credit card co and ask ? If he isn't forthcomming with the proof than he is hiding something. Believe in what you feel. You know in your heart what the truth is. By him not acknowleging your feelings he is demonstrating to you how he really feels. Without him actually saying it he is saying your feelings don't matter. Make them matter to him. You cannot rebuild your marriage if it isn't based on truth. that is what he has to realize.<BR>You will be in my prayers.

thanks.<BR>well, he said it was a business trip (and packed 2 suits and no casual clothes--but OW was supposedly at a wedding in mendocino, and he would've needed nice clothes for that), and that it was an e-ticket on southwest, paid for by the company, and that he will get reimbursed soon, and i can see the expense report. every other time he's gotten reimbursed, there is no detailed list of expenses..<BR>i know the truth, and i am simply sick for an answer, just to hear him say SOMETHING. i know, i know, i'll never get an answer with this approach, if it hasn't worked yet.<BR>he just makes me sick to say he is so gung ho to work on us, and then to be so childish about something so important to me.

I don't know how to advise you to get the truth out of him or the evidence supporting his story. Gee, I guess you have lots of options on how to try, but the bottom line is "he aint gonna budge if he don't wanna".<P>UGGHHHH. What can you do? Learn how to cope? Get even? Hit him upside the head with a 2 x 4? <P>Basically, unless he feels it is important to give you the information he will, but if he doesn't, he won't....<P>Control issue? Stubborness? Guilty? <P>I don't know. <P>But, the only thing you can do is tell him how you feel - without lovebusters.<P>What an art. I think that takes a special gift. They say it can be learned, but what a lesson.<P>When..... I feel..... I need......<P>And if he doesn't respond to that, then I guess you know he doesn't really care - or think it is THAT important. And that is one hard pill to swallow.<P>That is what we are here for, to support you, to let you know that you ARE lovable, and you are quality, and deserve to be treated wonderfully.<P>God Bless, LWB.<BR>TNT

thanks tnt. how about i learn to cope with a 2X4? hahaha, just kidding...<BR>sigh.nope, there isn't much i can do...<BR>drink heavily and pray?...oh darn, breastfeeding, can't do the first...<BR>thanks for all your support, you are in my prayers, as well.<BR>j