This is correct. Radical honesty is the ONLY way to restore a marriage after infidelity.

Marriage can not be based in lies and half-truths.

There are dozens of "cheap, imitation" ways to do it, and many of those ways are espoused on other websites and by other therapists. That's why Dr. Harley and his methods are, in my opinion, the best ones to be found.


The polygraph is good for this reason. You get to ask the questions, you get not only an answer, but the veracity of the answer.

Is she going to take the poly?

That is good news indeed.

You need to listen to all the posters on here. I didn't because I thought I knew best and my WH was telling me the truth. Well guess what your wife like my husband are liars! Please get the poly done now and save yourself the grief that I am going through.

It will be 5 years since my first D-Day and sadly it was not my last. I've had so many I have lost count. He has NEVER told me the truth until I found out the truth on my own and confronted him. Then he confessed.

Just get the poly now.

BE,

Glad to hear the results of the paternity test. That puts one question of yours to rest, but it doesn't accomplish more than scratching the surface of the overall infidelity issues with your WW. True healing and recovery requires what I term "the three Rs"-- ***EDIT*** repentance, and responsibility. Truth and full disclosure obviously are the foundations of those. None of those three Rs are sincere or meaningful if any secrecy or dishonesty remains. This applies to all WSs, but I'll apply it to your situation specifically:

There's really only two kinds of WWs--those who engage in the above and those who do not. There's hope for the former but nothing productive will come from the latter.

Don't try to muddle through in a marriage with a woman who refuses to truthfully engage in honest, open 3-Rs. If you tolerate this or sweep it under the rug, You will never heal, she won't either (even if the affair is truly "over" which I am always supicious of in a person who refuses to come clean), and your marriage will descend into a death spiral.

To answer your original question, the FULL TRUTH not only "helps" healing, it is an absolute requirement to foster healing. Don't settle for less.

Congratulations on the news of the paternity test