What about joining a health club in your new neighborhood and working out together? Or better yet, plan to create a gym in your new home and work out together? Working out together is a GREAT lovebank marriage booster.

Expect her to not say anything and so that's why you be prepared.

Examples....
Did you know that Barry White is finally getting his Star?
Did you know CrossFit is the big new work out craze? Maybe we should look into it together?
Did you know it's Friday the 13th???

How about getting a set of those little cards...conversation starters? If you don't have time you can do an internet search and find some great ideas for them. Ice breakers I think they call them.

Thanks - these are actually quite good. Like the "lighthearted questions"...Also the part about "cliche", "facts", "personal", etc...Lots of stuff to pour over there.

Yes, exactly, which is what I'm desperately trying to do now. The problem is, neither one of us is very into pop culture now. So it would be hard to talk about movies or music or things like that now. However some of the things in the other thread look promising.

I was thinking of this also. We both used to be members of the local gym, and I recently renewed my membership. I've asked her if she would come and work out with me. She hasn't said "no" yet or ruled it out but she kind of equivocated. She is still so withdrawn and paralyzed now it is hard to get her to do anything. However getting her to do something would probably help her advance out of withdrawal, so it's kind of a catch-22.

Not too much funny is going on at work, unfortunately. And I'm really not sure what she's interested in now. Both of us have just been so obsessed with our relationship disaster that that's all we seem to read about or think about. However I do think some of the "icebreaker" questions found in that other thread and some of the ones I've found on the internet might be fun.

As for tennis shoes, haha, that's all I ever wear! However maybe I'll make an exception this time and try to dress a little nice :-)

Don't dress like a dork!!! Wear a nice casual shirt, some jeans and some casual shoes.

LOL but I am a dork :-)

You aren't sure what she's interested in now. So maybe now's a good time to ask her.

I've made this statement to my wife a few times so that she knows I'm open to making things come true for her.

You know hon we sure do get bogged down working our jobs, raising these kids and maintaining the home. If we didn't have all that responsibility and you could do anything you wanted what would that be?

You notice I didn�t exclude myself from the �what would that be�. These statements work well in setting the stage to talk about RC things her and I could do together.

I would definitely take advantage of the gym thing. Just make sure you do it together.

And yes tonight dress up. Look sharp. Smell good. Talk about healthy things like exercise and eating right. Try to eat something healthy tonight.

Good advice. Yes my first thought was to simply come out and ask what she's interested in. However I'm afraid she'll give me a non-answer of some sort. Still worth a try though. I will probably ask that before I go into the other conversation starters that have been suggested by others.

Have fun and let us know how it goes.

Argh, okay well we got back a little while ago. It was pretty disappointing. In the car I asked if she finished SAA, and she said she did. But she was very skeptical about the Policy of Joint Agreement. She said maybe for major things it would work but she didn't see the need to use it for smaller things. She also thought the amount of UA time suggested was just unrealistic, and she wasn't convinced that meeting each others' needs would produce a feeling of love.

When we got there I tried to engage her in the conversation points I prepared earlier, but she just came out and said she didn't want to talk. She was on the verge of tears the whole time. She said "I'm not ready". I also brought up the gym thing - the idea of us going together, and she said she didn't want to do that. I asked if there was any other thing she'd like to do together and she couldn't think of anything. I asked her what her interests were and she wasn't able to tell me. Basically she doesn't want to talk to me, and she doesn't want to do anything. She is depressed and completely withdrawn. However it seems to me that she will talk to other people, just not me. At least I think she will go out with me again next week, even though it was a pretty miserable date. Worse, I started out really upbeat and talkative, but her negativity spread to me and by the time we drove home I was pretty silent and sullen myself.

It will get better once you move, so hang in there. Are you looking at houses? That can be a great activity. You can go out to lunch and then go house shopping.

Do you think she is still seeing the OM?

We actually picked a house and put a contract on it contingent on the sale of our current house. We have potential buyers coming out to look on Saturday and Sunday.

I really don't think she is seeing POSOM, though I know not to trust my instincts. She really seems like she is making an effort to embrace Christianity, and the one time POSOM emailed her a week and a half ago, it was not a particularly friendly email and she just responded "Thank you" to it. On the one hand I think she should probably change her email address, but I like being able to monitor it especially knowing that POSOM may use it to contact her again. I want to know about it and exactly what was said if he does.

Oh boy. Oh boy. None of that is convincing in the least. Especially the part about "embracing Christianity." Even the dumbest wayward knows how to arrange for fake emails to put a snooping BS off her trail. If I am a wayward, I am going to stage emails because that will be the most likely place you will look. That way, you don't look for my secret cell phone and you don't have any idea that loverboy is visiting me during the day.

What is to stop the OM from coming over every day? What is to stop her from going there?

Do you even have a keylogger on her computer? Or any other snooping devices in place? How are you keeping an eye on her?

Good for you. Don't trust your instincts - they are compromised right now.

Why? Is this a requirement of yours?

If you are truly interested in recovering your marriage and moving forward, you shouldn't want to hear from OM AT ALL. You should ABSOLUTELY require her to change her email. You don't want her to get ANY emails from OM - monitored by you, or not. He needs to go away now. Permanently. Cut off his ability to contact her.

No keylogger yet, but that is not a bad idea. I really don't think the email was staged because she was crying after she read it and she didn't tell me about it. I had to tell her I had seen it. She also deleted it after she read it.

Having said that, maybe maritalbliss is right and she should change her email. As the good Dr. Harley said in SAA, any contact at all by the POSOM sets the clock back to zero, which is the last thing I want. It is hard enough as it is to wait for this horrible withdrawal to pass.

As long as she knows you are reading it, she can easily delete any email and you wouldn't know. She can also walk right over to his house and vice versa. How would you even know if he came over?