His threats are par for the course.

Ignore them.

Do not respond.

Yes, you hit bullseye.

Here's a thread to look at >>>> Dr. Harley encourages H to confront OM

Listen to the radio link in the first post. The first situation is one where Dr. Harley is coaching a betrayed husband in what to do about his wife in an affair.

I would pay him a little visit. OM are abject cowards so he will probably cry and run. Do you have a friend you can take with you? Let him know that you will be fighting for your wife. Tell him there is no future for him with your wife because he will be eternally hated by your inlaws and your son because of his part in breaking up your family.

And the threats about slander and "defamation of character" are laughable. The TRUTH is a defense to those charges. It is not in his best interest to pursue that route because his affair would dragged out in the public square!! Wayward cowards threaten this all the time, but they never follow through for that reason.

He "defamed" his character all on his own by having an affair with a married woman, good grief..

See, most OM are cowards who are just looking for a little side action. They don't want any trouble. So if you give him some trouble, he is more likely to crawl back under his rock and pursue someone else's wife.

Where does he work now? You might want to consider exposing the affair at his new place of business so they are forewarned he is a loose cannon.

Why did he leave the job with your wife? Was he fired over the affair?

So sez the cockroach who snuck around and had a secret affair with your wife. He sure didn't face you like a man when he was doing your wife.

Confront him in person.
Bring a friend with you so you don't loose your temper or things don't get out of hand.
Its ridiculous for him to insult your manhood. In some countries he would be killed

Keep a VAR with you at all times if she is going to pull the abuse card.

How do you know he doesn't work there and he's divorced? That is awfully convenient. I'm sure it was just said to keep you from exposing. Good job.

OK, things have changed a bit because of everything that's going on. Unfortunately, it's Texas, so there is no legal separation. It's divorce or nothing. Since WS has already sought some kind of legal counsel (which is why my lawyer said she came back at all, so it would look good for custody, and I saw a text message between WS and her friend saying just that), and that an abuse allegation is plausible, she recommended I file for divorce to protect my rights to my son and finances. If WS were to file first and claim I had been abusive, it would be a very difficult climb to try to counter that. Plus, custody might be given to WS in the interim. And so, with great reluctance, I agreed to file.

If it weren't for the abuse comment from the OM, I may have waited, so if nothing else OM made things worse for her. OM is being insulting and threatening, while BS asking him to stop and telling him I love my wife. OM doesn't look so good right now.

So at this point, do you still think I should confront OM, or just ignore him? I hate that it's come to this, but I'm not going to risk losing my child. If we divorce, he's all I have left.

I would confront him but I would also file for divorce and have your atty introduce the adultery. Even though Texas is a no fault state they do take adultery into account when it comes to custody and property division. You can have that POS rat subponaed to give sworn testimony about his affair. And when you speak to him, tell him this is your plan. He will also have to turn over his emails and cell phone records in discovery.

Ahhh. I remember when my OW threatened this. She was scared witless and talking nonsense. Good times.

They all threaten this but NEVER do it because a lawyer's first question would be 'Well, did you do what he said you did?' - and the answer would be 'Uh Yeah'. Telling the truth is not against the law.

In reality an adulterer would rather die than face a packed courtroom and spread out the evidence regarding their phone calls and emails. That's why he is contacting you - to bury the truth, not reveal it to a court room. Call his bluff.

As Melody Lane has advised, go see him.

Since he's raised the issue of legalities assure him that a courtroom WILL be informed of all the facts and his adultery proven beyond doubt in the course of the divorce. Tell him the court will also hear how he has stolen marital funds from you.

Assure him also that the costs of all this court/lawyer time will also be billed to him as the man who destroyed your marriage. THAT will scare the attitude right out of the nasty little freeloader.

Take a witness/VAR so he cant dream up allegations against you.

Always file for a D if a lawyer tells you too as you cant trust an active wayward. You can still Plan A/delay the D/remarry later.

There's something about this guy which makes me feel he has done this before.

The usual OM who freeloads money trick goes as follows:

Seduces a married woman with access to funds.
Gives a sob story about the need for funds,
Freeloads
Encourages wife to D husband on cooked-up charges, to ensure she gets custody and to maximise her settlement
Lives off the WW's settlement

This all hinges on the BH being a doormat and going quietly off into the sunset without his due. Simply calling his bluff and fighting back will topple his house of cards.

This too. Either she is doing the old WW sympathy trick or he is encouraging her to pursue the abuse card. Get a recording on the go 24/7 to protect yourself from false claims.

You got nothing to worry about here. I exposed my wifes mothers affair to her church in their small town via facebook (after they stood up in front of entire congrrgation) and my wifes moms affair partner threatened to sue me because it sent his automotive business out of business. But because I did not slander or libel him but only said the truth, there was nothing for him to stand on. They left that town, got married and the lawsuit never happened. Why? Because it was the truth. The only time you can get into trouble for slander or libel is if your doing it on purpose with false allegations to harm them financially or their reputation. The fact remained... They ruined their own characters themselves...

So don't worry about the lawsuit threats.... They are just threats to strike fear into you to shut you down on your exposures. You did well and they are on course. Good job making OM ugly in your wifes eyes. Keep reinforcing that your the better option.

MNG

I haven't even responded to OM, and he's already backed down. Now OM suddenly realizes that I'm going through a tough time and he should have said things a little better. Oh, and OM had to clarify that abuse doesn't mean abuse, but that he thought the abuse was my "ranting" about them on the Internet (exposing the truth, but only through private messages, not posted on my FaceBook wall for the world to see). Now OM doesn't want it to get any worse and it's between BH and WW.

Yeah, OK. Someone probably pointed out how stupid it was to send that to me. He still forced my hand to file.

And I do think OM is taking advantage of her. WW is on anti-depressants and they got together not long after we were having fertility problems. But WW won't have much money left to spend if we were to divorce. My lawyer says I have the best case for custody and that we could even try for spousal support. All OM is doing is making things worse for WW.

I wonder how OM would feel if he knew WW talked about trying to have more children again while he was out of the country for 3 weeks.

Since you're going that route, then definitely go ahead. File for spousal support, child support, the whole works to give her a picture of what divorce will REALLY look like.

I am disheartened when, after finally getting a response from one of WW's childhood friends, she questions the exposure. If she's listening to people that are telling her how awful that was, then...

In your experiences, is this common?

This is very common and something someone who has no idea how to fight infidelity would say.

Did this person say it to you or WW?

VERY COMMON! You will get support from places you never expected and condemnation from other places. Don't let it bother you one bit. Many people know nothing about adultery and tend to have lots of "opinions." Its real easy to be cavalier and opinionated when it is not your ox being gored. Just thank them for their opinion and move on.

She emailed it to me, personally. Of course, she may have said as much to WW. And WW could have misrepresented what I did. "He told everyone on FaceBook!"

At least WW's mother appears to be supportive of me. She had come by today and, while we were alone, said I would always be a part of her family no matter what happens.

I'm also guessing WW probably doesn't respond to anyone who questions what she's doing.