Thanks for all the comments about exposure and other forums.
Because I had over the years previously told my FWH that I didn't believe in divorce (shouldn't have done that) he probably thought everything would be OK. When I did full blown exposure it totally woke him up in a heart beat. He was so overcome with guilt and shame that he wanted to kill himself and he FINALLY started talking. I couldn't even get him to say a word about the A prior to that (he's in law enforcement). And I'm not kidding, not a word. Every time I even tried to talk about the affair he would get angry and go lock himself in another bedroom. After exposure he was different.
I too, had found that the Dobson program was anti-exposure because I called them. Even my family that was supporting me were urging me not to expose. If I had listened to them I would be divorcing now.
Thanks everyone
It's always great to hear about successful exposure experiences because ultimately the proof (of the tactic) is in the pudding. The MB forums have HELPED save more marriages per week, per month, and per year than any other forum I've reviewed...by leaps and bounds. It's not even close. In fact, I actually had a friend banned from one forum because he was making the divorced posters feel bad posting helpful Dr. Harley advice and giving hope to newbies. They thought he was giving false hope and thereby distracting from their mission of helping betrayed spouses merely "survive" (as they inevitably all got divorced there anyway). I still maintain the best way to "survive" is to put up the best fight for your marriage as possible and, if you fail, the MB plan actually is also the best plan for "surviving". Regrets are minimized when you do what is right and give it your best shot. [But then again...regretful vindictive angry divorced posters seem to make for good long standing non-helpful idiot posters on many of these "help" forums so it becomes a self-sustaining principle for these forums that claim to help but never really seem to. I can't tell you how many times I've read the line "You guys have been awesome...I never would have made it through my divorce without you"]
I've read on some forums say..."show me ONCE where exposure REALLY (as if we make up stories or exaggerate) worked. So, I thought I'd park another successful facebook exposure thread here on this thread just in case some horror board member or a newbie wanders by researching whether facebook exposure works and how broad they should do it.
JanaBelle Facebook Exposure Success This is just one I quickly found when searching this forum for the term "facebook exposure" (which is a indication any argument there are no success stories they can find a deliberate lie since it was so easy to find). There are many other stories to be found here and likely thousands that never even posted that successfully used the technique. That being said, "Facebook Exposure" is relatively new to MB. I most often recommended it to kill an active affair on the OM/OW side of the story since knowing who to target exposure to on that side of the equation is more difficult and any potential exposure kickback is not gonna be concerning in recovery. When I arrived in 2005 and through about 2009, exposure was even argued about with waywards here on MB and facebook exposure wasn't even mentioned as a possibility so most of these success stories are newer (which isn't an indication facebook exposure wasn't or wouldn't have been successful in that past...only that it's implementation is newer and not universal). For example, in 2005 OM sent my wife some internet jokes that he also CC'ed to about 25 other people by email, it occurred to me then THOSE 25 other friends with OM would have been great and effective facebook-like exposure targets and I was sure to copy down the email addresses as I snooped. Facebook exposure didn't even occur to me and I never read about it back then.
These other horror forums love to ridicule exposure. In fact, every forum I've seen that encourages and protects full blown waywards and unrepentant waywards to post their absurd opinions and advice (versus compassionately encouraging them to just seek help for their hopefully temporary "condition") has threads bashing Dr. Harley's exposure recommendations. I'd go so far to say that opposition to exposure is a telltale sign of a wayward and a misanthrope.
I know it's unlikely at this point in this thread but does anyone else want to add a successful facebook exposure story to this thread? [maybe a new thread should be started as these stories are valuable when trying to convince a struggling newbie desperate to save his/her marriage fearing exposure....especially if they have read the wiccan wayward brigade tirelessly bashing exposure on other forums]
