Hello everybody.
PLEASE HELP.
I made a few posts here months ago and deleted them when it was not what I wanted to hear and felt I was bashed. I am sorry.
I am ready to learn and own my mistakes. My situation has spiralled out of control and I am at breaking point.
I am very much in love with my husband. I will do anything to have a chance at my marriage but am very very sure that it may be too late.
My husband came to this site over a year ago in desperate need of help to save our marriage. I cruelly did not give him a chance. I don't think he posts here anymore but this is the link to his posts so you can hear what happened.
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...s=lovemybird&Search=true#Post2612974if the link doesn't work his user name is lovemybird
A lot has happened since he posted. He has met another woman and moved her into his house with her children. He has been seeing me again for the past year and we have fallen back in love. Again I know I Have done the wrong thing by seeing him behind her back.
So I don't have to type it all again I am going to copy and paste the letter I have sent to Dr Harley and Joyce in hope they will respond.
You will get my take on everything that has happenned.
This is it:
Dear Dr Harley and Joyce
I am writing to you in the desperate hope you may have some advice to save my marriage. My life has fallen apart and I don't know how to get up.
It's quite a complicated story. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have a 7 year old son together. He also has children from his first marriage and I another child from my first relationship. We all lived together with all the kids.
We have been separated for nearly 2 years now. I had an emotional affair and spoke to another man over the internet which led to phone calls as well. I didn't meet the other man while I was with my husband. I moved out of the house and then about 6 months later I did meet up with him and we had a relationship.
My husband found out that I had the emotional affair and was rightly devastated and did everything in his power to win me back including reading your books and posting messages on your website forum. I did not give him a chance. I broke his heart completely and am not proud at all for what I have done.
While separated and me not living at our home, and when my husband had exhausted all means of getting me back, he was so lonely that he posted a personal ad on a dating site in hope for some companionship. He met up with a woman and they began a relationship. Shortly after he moved her into our marital home along with her 2 kids. She is separated from her husband as well and they are not divorced either.
Shortly after she moved in with my husband I ended my affair. I had been foolish and selfish in what I had done to my husband and my family. I realised how much I loved my husband and was ready to save my marriage and do whatever it took to save our marriage. Unfortunately it was now too late as his new girlfriend had moved in with her children.
My husband still loved me but felt he could not ask her to move out.
During the time my husband has been living with the new girlfriend, my husband and I have been reconnecting and sleeping with each other for the past year. We have fallen back in love with each other. I love him so much and just want a chance to save our marriage.
Last week he promised me it was definately over for good with him and the girlfriend and it was only a matter of time before she would be moving out. He has no courage to just stand up and tell her that he still loves me. He doesn't want to be the bad guy around her family and his family. He keeps waiting for her to leave him so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.
He has told me that he is not in love with her, and not attracted to her and should never have moved her in. I know my husband very well and I do believe this to be true. I do believe that he loves me very much.
After telling me that it was over, three days later he told me that she had begged for another chance with him and he gave in again and let her stay. He told me he felt sorry for her and couldn't kick her out.
I was so devastated at being lead on again that I confronted his girlfriend and got very angry at her. I should not have done this. I was feeling very helpless and desperate. This caused him and his girlfriend to have a big fight and he confessed to her that he had been seeing me for the past year behind her back.
I know how much my husband loves me, but he has now told me he no longer wants to see me at all or talk to me unless it is arrangements involving pick up or drop off of our son. He has now sent me a 'NO CONTACT' letter, the same one that you advise sending to the affair partner. He told me he loves his girlfriend with all his heart and that she is the best thing that has happenned to him. He told me we are to have no further contact. He told me that without my interference, he will rebuild his relationship with his girlfriend. He has told me he wants to settle our financial settlement and he wants to divorce me.
His whole family is involved and now hates me and his father has told me to stay away from him. His father told me that my husband will no longer be seeing me at all. They all love his new girlfriend and not me.
I know in my heart that my husband does not love the girlfriend at all. I know it is all a lie and he is doing it to save himself and do the right thing by her and he doesn't want to look bad around his family.
It hurts me so much that he has promised his love to me and then all of a sudden he has told me he wants nothing to do with me ever again. We had so many plans to get back together and restore and build and fix our marriage.
He did say to me only a week ago that no matter what happens he believes we are meant to be together and we will find our way back to each other one day no matter how long it takes. He said even if we got divorced we would find our way back.
I feel so hurt and alone and I am falling apart in shock that it has come to this. I know I did the wrong thing all over again by seeing him behind her back and it has all come back to haunt me.
I don't want a divorce. I love my husband with all my heart. I'm scared he will divorce me and marry her even though I know he is not in love with her and even though he promised he would not marry her.
I am so in love and desperate to fix our marriage. I will do absolutely everything I can to fix things but I fear things are beyond repair, especially since his family is so involved and keeping me from him.
I will do anything I can to win my husband back, because I believe in our love and our connection. I will wait for him as long at it takes. I will put any plan into action that you advise me if it means getting my marriage back on track.
At the moment I have been very quiet and have not responded to his no contact letter. I have not called or texted him as I believe this would not help the situation and he has asked for no contact. I will do absolutely anything to save my marriage. I want to spend our lives together. I know if we reconcile we can have the best marriage ever and make each other happy. I am hoping it's not too late.
I am grieving quietly and falling apart and trying to stay strong for our son.
Is there any hope for our marriage? I know deep down he loves me very much.
Please help me.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my very long email. I thank you so much for your time and hope you will respond.
~~~~~~ So that is the long sorry story. I am falling apart in agony and helplessness. I now know how he felt when I had an affair and left him. I am so sorry for the hurt I have caused my husband and what I put him through. He was amazingly able to get through it and forgive me which I know I do not deserve. I will do anything in my power to save my marriage. I am scared. I don't want a divorce. I feel I may have to respect his decision. Even if we divorce I will wait forever for him. I will dedicate my life to saving my marriage even if it takes years. I will not give up on our love and making things right.
Thanks everybody.