Hello, been here before, quit for a while and now I'm back

This time is to vent, I guess. My problem now is that I have a spy program on my husbands phone and I saw two days ago that he google my daughter, she's beautiful, has been in playboy twice, does modeling and promos on the side. With that said, he google her and what's bad is that this is not the first time, but this time he did it while he went to the bathroom and came to bed right after and proceeded to make love to me! I didn't see that he had googled her until the next morning and it just broke my heart! I know he lusts over her and that's to be expected, he's a man and she's beautiful but to do that and then make love to me probably fantasizing about her is just too much, I don't know what to do, I can't say nothing because then he'll know I have his phone bugged, plus it will cause a big argument, and I can't leave, I just started my own business and it doesn't make enough for me to live on my own. Plus I am a 1 1/2 yr Cancer survivor and I need his insurance. Please don't be hard on me because of that, I also have other health conditions that I need constant care for. I know I'm not bad to look at, and I do provide everything he needs, so he's not doing it because he lacks anything with me. Other then that after a lot of bumps on the road he's wonderful to me, he shows me he loves me in all kinds of ways (except this one) has anyone else have/had this problem? How did you handle it? Thanks for letting me vent!

Babycakes, the title of your thread is telling. You have been here before just venting and it isn't clear that you have ever taken our advice to expose a previous affair.

You are here now essentially telling us that your H is sexually interested in your daughter but you do not want to be told to divorce him because you need his health insurance. What, then, do you want us to tell you?

There are dangers to be aware of when considering remarriage. One is that your H might be sexually interested in your daughters. Since this is the case for you, there should be no hesitation in your leaving him, even though she appears to be grown up and married and out of your home.

It seems that this has happened to you before. in 2011 you wrote:

That story was about a previous husband (you have been married three times, and this husband has been married four times), and you do not want to hear again that you make bad choices in men.

So here you are.

What do you want to be told?

I am not aware of anyone else on MB who has handled the problem of a husband's sexual interest in her daughter by staying with the husband.

Yeah here I am, like a stupid idiot thinking I was going to get some kind of idea or something, anything other then criticism and to be told again what a horrible person I am and how I always make bad choices in men.

Like you've never have made bad choices before, if you haven't then why are you here?

I guess you did not read my previous several posts carefully, where I've said that I watched them very good before I got together with them, yes obviously not very good but I got fooled and I'm the one paying the consequences not you! I guess you get a kick out of thumping your chest and telling people how bad they are making yourself feel better about the mistakes you have made and probably still doing, is easy to hide behind the mask, isn't it? How easy it is to point out others mistakes huh?

I don't want to be told anything, not by you anyway, it is obvious how you've never been in my position, is easy to tell somebody what to do if you haven't walked in their shoes!

So according to you is better to leave and if my cancer comes back and all my other health issues get worst because I can't afford the medicine and be a burden on the state and my daughters plus not to mention get buried in debt is a better solution for you? Boy, you're so smart!!

I'm wondering if it was you who attacked me last time here and other people came to my defense? That's why I haven't been back here, because of that! I handled my marriage (alone) and got it back together (alone) and now is going great, yes even with the problem I'm facing now!

I came here to vent, which you failed to read, and to see if other people have been in my position which is obviously not you, and to talk to other people in my position, again, obviously not you, so please refrain from replying to my post, I need to hear other people's thinking that have been in my position or know of someone that has and see how they've handled it.

???????

I said all that?

Nobody attacked you, babycakes; she just pointed out some inconvenient truths about your poor choices. While it might be hard to leave your husband right now, you can confront him with this information and make plans to separate. But it makes no sense whatsoever to stay with a man who is sexually attracted to your own daughter and just sweep this all under the rug. What will you do, for example, the next time your daughter comes to visit?

Is this the same daughter who was molested by a previous husband?

Having to deal with the internal shame and guilt about CSA, (Childhood Sexual Abuse), can lead to significant poor life choices and improper boundaries seeking a desire to build up lowered self esteem by seeking attention.

I feel so sensitive and sorry for the multiple situations you have dealt with.

At the risk of having your child be a target of an additional pedophile attacker, even if just in thoughts so far, i would tell him you need a legal separation at the minimum.

You should notify your daughter that she is being profile stalked so she can be on guard from any benign attempts by your H to become friendly with her.

Her safety, along with your emotional health are at stake.

I am sorry about your bought with cancer. How does the new governmental insurance size up for you if you have to seek insurance on your own?

They have agencies that will assist you and walk you through the paperwork.

LTL

I didn't make poor choices, is not my fault nor was my choice to end up with H's that originally lied and portrayed themselves to be who they weren't. As soon as I figured it out who they were and they had lied to me I started to either fix the marriage or I got out. I'm sure all of you didn't know what your husbands were going to do or else you wouldn't have married them, right?

It would be "inconvenient truths" if I had known how this men really were and either I still married them or stayed with them! So no, I don't consider it "inconvenient truths"

But I'm not here to discuss my other marriages or whether I exposed the EA my H had or not, that's in the past, the minute I decided to forgive him and work on our marriage he has been wonderful, he's like a model husband!
Attentive, caring, loving, witty, funny, dependable, assertive, hard worker, takes care of my emotional needs as well as my physical needs, compassionate, sweet, dedicated, gentle, kind, secure of himself, spoils me, always tells me I'm beautiful, always makes sure he kisses me goodnight and before he goes to bed, and he always cuddles me wether we are at the couch or in bed.
Why do you think I fought for him when he was having his EA? And for the record he HAS cut all contact with the OW and I know this for a fact!

Now back to the topic that I'm here for, the reasons above make it so hard to leave, I finally found the man that comes near perfect as can be, except for what I wrote in my initial post also as I said before I can't confront my H without divulging that I have his phone bugged, and for the ones that want to question "if he's so wonderful why do you have his phone bugged" is because "you fooled me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" mentality. And about my daughter coming over, she hardly comes over, she's busy with her work, promos and her husband. When she does come over my husband treats her like he treats my other two girls, with respect and doesn't try to be any more friendly or nothing.

Well, your "near perfect" husband has had several affairs and is now salivating over nude pictures of your daughter and you are sweeping it under the rug. You KNOW how he is now so there is no excuse to do that.

What is the point of snooping if you are not going to use to improve your marriage? Is it voyeurism?

I am baffled you would stay with a husband who is getting off on looking at your daughters pictures? How will she protect herself from this husband? Is this the same daughter that was molested by one of your other husbands?

Also, did you ever expose your husbands affair to the betrayed husband his last OW?

If she was younger (she's 25) yes I definitely would have separated from him immediately but in a way that thought comes to mind "boys will be boys" she is beautiful and I don't blame him for thinking that she is. You'll have to be blind not to notice that she's beautiful.

I have told her about it and she did block him from her FB page. Her safety and her emotional state are not at stake here, she knows all too well how men act around her.

Thank you for being understanding, and asking about my bought with cancer, your the only one that has asked. I'm ok, just dealing with the side effects of having Chemo/Radiation done. Praying to God that it doesn't return and Praising him for giving me another chance trying to get insurance on my own will be next to impossible.

In short, you won't solve this problem unless you confront him. You can't expect to sweep this under the rug and resolve the problem. The purpose of snooping is to resolve hidden problems, not to be a creepy voyeur. What is the point if you don't confront him?

This is your OWN DAUGHTER that your husband is salivating over. That is downright creepy.


She needs to know that your creepy husband may come onto her since he doesn't seem to know that it is inappropriate to look at naked pictures of his STEP DAUGHTER.


It is not impossible at all. Under obamacare, pre-existing conditions do not prevent you from getting insurance.

Wasn't he pursuing another young girl in his office?

here

So it seems he likes the young ones. And now he is gawping at your own daughter?

My "Near perfect husband" has NOT had several affairs, he had ONE EMOTIONAL AFFAIR! And that's when things were not going right in our marriage, he told me so and I believe him!

He was NOT "salivating over nude pictures" you ASSUMED THAT, I never said that! He was looking at a rock radio station page where my daughters picture was in it, fully clothed!

And he IS near Perfect! When I was in the hospital he stayed there the whole week, taking care of me, not once did he asked to go home. I had Colon Cancer and he cleaned me up every single time I had an "accident" NOT ONCE did he ever asked the nurses to do it for him! When it was possible (I had I lot of needles and tubes) he would carry me to the bathroom! He kept up with the dr about all what was being done to me. He did all of this and more with out once uttering a complaint! Yes, he is near perfect to me!

If you must, go back and re-read my post, it has the rest of your questions answers there. I'm done waisting my time responding to your post that obviously are only to attack me.

Arggghhh!!! Again re-read that post since you cared to copy/paste it for me, it says that he was forwarding emails to her, and obviously it was just him being friendly with her because there was nothing there for me to worry about! She's very nice and polite to me and very sweet girl! I also know this for a fact!!!

See, I told you, your just getting off on trying to bring stuff from the past just to God knows why??

Leave it alone!!!!!! The past is the past!!! If it doesn't bother me anymore why should it bother you???!!!!

I'm done with you!

Just going by what you told us in the past:


and then:

Here is what you told us in your first post TODAY:




Then why come here and "vent" about MrPerfect? Jes saying......

Sounds like someone is jealous!! Hey, how can I block you from responding to my posts??

You can click on my profile, and then select "ignore this user."

If this isn't the problem you want help with, then I'm unclear what is. Could you clarify for us?