|
|
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,709 |
If this isn't the problem you want help with, then I'm unclear what is. Could you clarify for us? She doesn't want help SugarCane...the title of her post is: Re: Just venting
ME: BW
HIM: FWH
Married 18 yrs
DDay 09/2008 and 12/2008
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 24
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 24 |
I'm wondering if this could just be a freaky coincidence, he actually google the radio station not her name, the radio station has a lot of sports and that kind of thing plus is local, and about him coming to bed and make love to me, it was already planned from early in the morning. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me that it was just a freaky coincidence. I came here for some kind of support, not to be bombarded with mean attacks. I could have been more clearer I guess 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I haven't seen any attacks at all. What I have seen you do is continually backpeddle from your initial story. Now you are saying he might have just been looking at sports on the radio website, which is a FAR CRY from your first post where you said: With that said, he google her and what's bad is that this is not the first time, but this time he did it while he went to the bathroom and came to bed right after and proceeded to make love to me! I didn't see that he had googled her until the next morning and it just broke my heart! I know he lusts over her and that's to be expected, he's a man and she's beautiful but to do that and then make love to me probably fantasizing about her is just too much, When someone backpeddles that way when faced with ACTION answers, that tells me she is in denial. The only one who is not clear here is you, my dear. We can all read your initial post.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9 |
Sounds like someone is jealous!! This is what you have told us about your H: Hello, I am new here, my short version of events: Been together with my husband for 8 yrs now, married 3 of those years. Separated for 6 months (from Oct 2009-April 2010) He had a PA with an ex-gf back in Feb 2007, worked it out, while separated he contacted the OW (ex-GF) and tried to get back with her, he confessed his undying love to her and told her that there was three of us in the marriage because he never stopped loving her. Any way, he contacted her while we were separated and I guess she gave him the run around, he found out she was with another man and then decided to come back to me. While all this was happening he also tried to get with a co-worker of his. She I guess was not into him. Now that we are back together I found out that he is still sending his co worker some cute little emails through their work email. How do I stop them from developing an actual affair? She was going through a divorce at the time and I guess now she reconciled with her H, not sure about this but the online records show that she filed for a divorce and that's it, it does not show that it was finalized, my H says that shes back with her H but I am not sure if I should believe that. I am afraid to expose her to the H because I'm afraid if they separate then my H will go after her full force!  I have the guys name but no other info that I can find anywhere. My H also sent a "wishing you a good new years eve" msg to the ex-gf in 2010 which is 8 months after we got back together! Does that mean he still love her? Should I just get out of the picture so they can be happy together? I want to save my marriage and I still love him, but should I be with someone that is in love with someone else? Please help! PS: When he got back with me he said he was lonely In 2011, when you had been married for three years but living together for longer, your H had begun a PA shortly after you moved in with him. While separated (only 18 months or so after marriage; why did you separate?) he contacted his PA ex gf and declared his undying love for her. He later told you that he only went back home to you because he was lonely. You later found out that he was still in contact with the ex gf. The answers to the questions on the link:
I am 48 yrs old my H is 52
I have three adult daughters from previous marriage, they are all married
He has 3 kids all adult and married also.
I have been married 3 yrs but together 8
It his third marriage and my fourth.
My WH met the OW before me, she is an Ex-GF
OW#2 is a co-worker of his.
I discovered the PA 3 and a half years into me living with him, I think it started shortly after I moved in.
I found out the PA when I got suspicious that I could never catch the phone bill to check on something
and I knew something was up because it kept disappearing, sure enough, he was texting her around 100 times a month!
Confronted him, he promised to change, to have no contact and we got married and there was no contact, but apparently
he never stopped loving her.
@SugarCane, I really don't know when the first PA started, I found out in 2007 and from what I gathered (OW words) he would text off and on through the 3 and a half years of me being with him, he never told her he had a woman living with him. It stopped when I confronted him.
Then he started texting her in OCT 2009, that's when he told her through an email that I read that he was still in love with her. and because of the contents of the conversation, I could tell they were not in contact since he told me he would stop....so I guess that's a good thing right?
The "new or #2 OW is a co-worker of his, he started pursuing her While we were separated......from the phone records and a eblaster he pursued her and texted her several times but she only answered one of his emails and one of his texts and only because it was Christmas, she knows me she knows he is married and she is married too, ironically just got back with her husband.
..........................
There is a third woman, is a new receptionist at the dealer ship where he works at, she is cute, young and blond with big boobs, lol I had to throw that in, she is also only 23 yrs old, he is forwarding cute emails with sayings, like the ones we always get ourselves on the emails but, what is he doing...a married man....53 yrs old....emailing privately a young girl her age at her private email???????? Argggggghhhh! This is your fourth marriage (by the age of about 45). Your first H was abusive to you, your second died, your third sexually abused your eldest daughter and you are still with your fourth. How did your H's other two marriages end? I knew that the fact that we both have been married several times was going to start a stir....and get blamed for it and some how make it our fault. I guess I should have included an explanation with that answer, but I just wanted to concentrate on the issue at hand.
To whoever made a joke about being a widow, listen carefully, one of my husbands DID DIE! The other one turned out to be a child molester and the other one physically abused me.
None of my husbands showed any sign of who they really were at the beginning, trust me, I watched them carefully after the first failed marriage, I did not want to make the same mistake twice, well my second H DIED of a heart attack at only 45 yrs old.
I was left with three small girls and I became very lonely and finally found what I thought was a very perfect H, I watched him closely and everything was fine for about 6 yrs then I found out he was sexually abusing my oldest daughter.
So now looking back he presented himself to me as a very nice hard working man, people would tell me that they envied me and my husband because of how nice he was to me, how perfect he was, but it was all a lie, he just wanted to be close to my girls.....Now how many of you would have been so good and smart on picking up on him being a child molester? None.
Now before you go and start telling me all about my bad choices of men, I heard it all I don't need to hear it again.
Let's stick with the problem at hand. So as well as what sounds like a long PA with a woman he declared he would always love, and as well as going back to you only when that relationship could not be restarted, he pursued two co-workers since 2010, and is now lusting after your daughter. You said twice in the post above "let's stick with the problem at hand", and you said it again today. The problem is, the Marriage Builders programme is about looking at the whole marriage. The marriage is the problem at hand. You told us today that you have already told your daughter to block him from her FB page because he looks at her. How do you think that makes her feel about her stepfather? Don't you admit that this must be a serious problem, for you to have to warn your daughter about his looking at her? In 2011 you wrote yes there is lots of trouble and sadness in my marriage and no, I guess I don't really expect to change my H
character and preferred lifestyle.... I can see that your H takes great care of you when you are ill or in the middle of gruelling treatment. However, that does not negate the infidelity that he is continually bringing to your marriage, and the current problem of looking at your daughter's pictures while in the bathroom. You have been with your H since your daughter was about 17, it seems; an age when young women are at their most physically perfect. Since then she has gone on to be a Playboy model and you know he lusts after her. Do you think he has never looked at her Playboy pictures? Some men marry women just to be near their daughters. Can you genuinely rule out the possibility that his interest is actually in her, and that his caring for you and appearing to end his contact with OWs when confronted is simply a smokescreen? Do you genuinely believe now, after the PA, EAs, separation and looking at and lusting after your daughter, that he is in love with you and committed to your marriage?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 24
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 24 |
Well all I can say is that you guys took a lot of this out of context, yes he did all that BUT he has apologized and has changed, you guys don't know him like I do. Plus a lot of it was me just being paranoid.
I was wrong and desperate at the time when I was assuming all of that with the other women, I look back at it and it was just that emails, there was nothing sexual or romantic in any way shape or form. And since then he has stopped any contact with them, and yes, I believe him.
I just mistakenly thought he was after them, he was just being him, the nice caring person that I know.
About the ex-gf he did admit to me that he thought he still had feelings for her but that he was wrong, yes, he told me that he was lonely and I thought that that was why he came back to me, I was wrong, he came back because he truly loves me, and I believe him, we've had several conversations about this, not anymore. I believe that if you forgive someone you don't keep throwing it back at him. Since we got back together we have been really happy and hardly any arguments to speak of.
He is hardly ever around my daughter so no I don't think he's with me to be near her, that's just way not so the case! She has been out of the house since she turned 18, she married her childhood sweetheart! And is very happily married too! And when she was around she was hardly home, always hanging out with friends and her boyfriend.
Another thing I just noticed is that back then I put PA and that's not the case, it was an emotional affair, not physical being new here did not know which was which, all there was there was texts and like two emails the whole time, the texts where not sexual or romantic, I know because I've seen them, a lot has happened since my last post here that you guys don't know about. He has proven to me over and over again that he loves me and that he made the right choice by coming back to me. This last New Years while lying in bed at midnight we kissed and he told me that "There's no other place I'd rather be then here in your arms" and yes, I believe him!
In short, because I'm out of patience defending my self and because I can truly see that it was a mistake coming here. Thank you all for your advice. I'm out of here!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 4,983 |
So you come and post to basically [censored] about your husband.
When offered suggestions as to actually do something to remedy your current situation, you get defensive and say you are being "attacked".
So all things are better in your marriage in the span of a 12 hour period from your first post this morning.
This is the fastest almost real recovery ever.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,536 Likes: 9 |
Well all I can say is that you guys took a lot of this out of context, yes he did all that BUT he has apologized and has changed, you guys don't know him like I do. Plus a lot of it was me just being paranoid.
I was wrong and desperate at the time when I was assuming all of that with the other women, I look back at it and it was just that emails, there was nothing sexual or romantic in any way shape or form. And since then he has stopped any contact with them, and yes, I believe him.
I just mistakenly thought he was after them, he was just being him, the nice caring person that I know.
About the ex-gf he did admit to me that he thought he still had feelings for her but that he was wrong, yes, he told me that he was lonely and I thought that that was why he came back to me, I was wrong, he came back because he truly loves me, and I believe him, we've had several conversations about this, not anymore. I believe that if you forgive someone you don't keep throwing it back at him. Since we got back together we have been really happy and hardly any arguments to speak of.
He is hardly ever around my daughter so no I don't think he's with me to be near her, that's just way not so the case! She has been out of the house since she turned 18, she married her childhood sweetheart! And is very happily married too! And when she was around she was hardly home, always hanging out with friends and her boyfriend.
Another thing I just noticed is that back then I put PA and that's not the case, it was an emotional affair, not physical being new here did not know which was which, all there was there was texts and like two emails the whole time, the texts where not sexual or romantic, I know because I've seen them, a lot has happened since my last post here that you guys don't know about. He has proven to me over and over again that he loves me and that he made the right choice by coming back to me. This last New Years while lying in bed at midnight we kissed and he told me that "There's no other place I'd rather be then here in your arms" and yes, I believe him!
In short, because I'm out of patience defending my self and because I can truly see that it was a mistake coming here. Thank you all for your advice. I'm out of here! I'm baffled about what you think I've taken out of context or misconstrued. I summarised your words; nothing else. You said all those things about him out of your own free will, and that's what I and others responded to - and now you're telling us that there was nothing of substance to any of this. Were you here just to play games with the forum? What a gigantic waste of everybody's time this was.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
822
guests, and
71
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
