Yep and they are lazy. A WS may also hope the BS gets lonely enough to cheat...so he can then throw that in the BS's face.

I am not waiting. It is mostly lack of response to his lawyer. I push/call my atty every couple weeks. I did tell my atty about the overnight in a hotel with OW and the atty agreed we needed this signed sooner rather than later. He at least agreed to the custody arrangements and support, and he has been paying that on time.

Could anyone good at MB forum archives/searching link me to some threads for extended Plan Bs? I know my struggles are likely common in this situation and I wanted to do a bit of reading on how to cope and keep my head on straight.

Scotty is the longest plan B'er I know. Her story is here Scotty's story

I'll post anything else I find.

My 2 cents. You've got to keep yourself busy. Do something good for yourself and creative. Painting, knitting, cross-stitch, ships in a bottle, yodeling. Get active, get in shape, learn some new recipes. Do not associate with OS persons for the time being. When those inevitable urges strike that's when to turn to prayer and scripture until it passes. And don't forget that you ARE desirable!

Thank you Rocketqueen. I quickly scanned Scotty's thread. I think reading her journey will help me understand my meaning for Plan B.

Needing some advice this morning. The boys came home after their weekend with their dad and said that OW and her kids stayed at WH's apartment all weekend. WH's sister also stayed at least one of the nights so she could watch all the 4 kiddos while WH and OW ran a marathon.

Two questions. I realize, even with a signed separation agreement that would state no overnights with people of the opposite sex with the kids in the home, there is nothing I can do to keep this from happening. What is the purpose of this agreement. Do BSs ever take their WS to court over this issue? Should I contact my attorney?

Second question. I am so disappointed in my WH's sister. Anytime we have spoken, she has always been supportive of me. I guess this is my realization that most people would rather not rock the boat and just pretend like this is all okay. So discouraging. Should I say something to her? I know if I do she will likely just see it as me being judgmental. Should I just take it for what it is and cut her out of my life without saying anything??? I guess I am asking is it worth me stressing over confronting her when I know it will have to impact on her choices??? Is it just gonna cause me stress?

Yes, contact your lawyer (and/or GAL if appointed) about the non-family OS overnight. It might not prevent it from happening again, but it can be used at the final hearing (in regards to custody). Sometimes, it can prevent the non-custodial parent from having overnights.

As far as WH's sister, you can ask her what her reasoning is. Just remember blood is thicker and family usuallybacks up their own blood relatives. FYI, I have had to plan B my stxwh entire family.

Okay. Contacted lawyer, no response yet.

Set up dinner with SIL for Thursday. She seemed super excited to get together. I gotta work on what I am gonna ask/say to her.

I had dinner with my SIL last night. It seemed to go great. She said my WH sprung watching the OW kids on her as she was driving to his house. She said she didn't know what to say and so agreed that she would watch them. She also said she has never really spoken to my WH about her feelings toward his affair (she has made comments here and there but no real discussion as he just clams up). She said she realizes she should have this talk with him. So I pretty well confirmed that no one has ever really expressed to him their concerns/disappointment other than me. Most of his friends just quit talking to him. GRRRR. Why does everyone worry so much about rocking the boat???

One bit of information that she gave me was concerning...she asked about his drinking. She said he always just wants to get drunk when they do hang out and this was a change from him previously. She reminding me that alcoholism does run in their family. I stated that it wasn't uncommon for him to open a beer when he got home from work, but that he rarely finished one. We would go out a couple times a year and drink in excess, but this was rare. However anytime we hung out with OW and her husband there was always excess drinking. I hate to think of what he has/is becoming.

Are you still in Plan B?

Yes. I have not spoken to or seen my WH since day one of Plan B. All communication has been through IM.

This is the first time I have seen his sister.

Honestly we only spoke of my WH for maybe 10 minutes last night. The rest was fun girly catch up stuff. I don't want to know the details of his affair unless it impacts my children. However I would have appreciated it if I knew his family at least put some pressure on him.

How are you doing?

One very important factor in Plan B is that you must not hear anything about your WH. You need to tell SIL that for your health and care you need to not hear anything about your WH.

What self-care have you done for yourself recently?

I actually feel very well. I am finally feeling like I am making a choice to be where I am, rather than feeling adrift by circumstances forced on me.

Obviously it is very difficult not to hear anything about my WH since he has our two young sons every other weekend. They told me about SIL watching them along with OWs children being there all weekend. Otherwise my SIL wouldn't really tell me anything. I think she asked about his drinking because she wondered if it was normal and was worried about him.

I do deal with a bit of a spiral downward after the kids get home on his weekends, as it is inevitable I am going to get some info. It just lasts about 12 hours or so. My mom hears the brunt of my frustration. I kind of just have to realign with God and then I am good.

I feel pretty good on self care. I went out with girlfriends last friday to IKEA (devil store with all its glorious furnishings). I have plans to go out with girlfriends next weekend as well.

I have been steadily learning guitar and still reading my bible.

Good for you. The feeling of having control over the direction of your life makes such a huge impact on how you do things and deal with things. Your kids will see this and in turn admire you for it in the long run.

Clay

Ohh yippee. How hard have you found it to learn guitar? I've always wanted to learn and am considering this for myself.

I know three chords... so I would say it is moderately hard, but quickly rewarding. What i like about it is that it can sit in my living room and I can pick it up for 5 minutes and it not have to be a big process. With two young boys I rarely have more than 5 minutes for myself.

Today is my birthday. It is odd not being near my family and not having my husband home. I know this sounds silly and selfish, but we normally buy each other gifts. I loved the surprise.

The boys had a program at school for Veteran's Day. My husband's step mother went with me. We got a cookie cake afterwards and went to our house to eat and sing Happy Birthday. I am so glad for her support.

My IM sent through a message from my WH that said happy birthday and he was going to have lunch with the boys and bring them the gifts that they left at his house. I told him I was already picking up the kids early. I am bummed my IM sent the message as it was written. I am sad that he remembered to have the boys get me a gift. I hate that he clearly has no clue how painful all of this is to me.

Happy Birthday, Iwillbehappy. I'm sorry that you are having such a rough one.

The IM probably shouldn't relate messages to you like that. Only ones that have to do with the business of the kids.

I hope your day ends happily.