I orginally posted in this section but was moved to the affair section. After planting a bug on her phone and going through all the text messages I did not find her having an affair so I am back looking for help.
Basically I have been doing the worst love busters there is out there, I been neglecting my wife and not appreciating her. So after putting up with it for four years she finally decided to leave. We have been together for 10 years and married for four years. Its been two months now and we just started seeing a marriage counselor. She said she still doesn't know if she really wants to spend the rest of her life with someone like me. Reason is that she have given me many chances in the past and after a week or two i would resort back to my old ways. She just basically will not believe anything I say anymore. This site has really help me in understanding what I have done wrong and I am working very hard on learning new habits to better our relationship.
Issue is we barely talk anymore, I see her only twice a week when she drops off my three year old son. I been trying to cook dinner so the last two weeks we been having dinner once a week. The last time we had dinner I started to bring up questions and she got upset. I am just unsure of what to do anymore.; She wont read the information on this site. I already purchased all of the books: his needs, her needs, love busters, fall in love stay in love and the wooksheet guide. I now see what I have been doing wrong but the issue is she will not believe me that I have learned and will change or adapt to make her happy.
I feel like I am the only one who wants this to work. Again we have seen the counselor twice but I feel like its not going anywhere because she is still unwilling to come home. She is currently staying at her friend's house. This is driving me crazy, I cant function at work and when I am home all I do is research and read books on how to save my marriage. And the worst part is the counselor is not using the worksheets from here, she is using her own way of counseling. How do I convince her to read these books,she hates reading, I offered it to her before but she doesnt want to do it. I love her and my son to death so I am not going to give up but every day that goes by I am so worry that she will not want to work on the relationship anymore. Or that her small fire inside to keep the relationship will die. And every day I lose more and more hope (taker taking over) that this will not work out. HELP!!! She said that she wants to take baby steps and if the counseling helps then we will slowly move forward. Am I crazy to think that this cannot be fix unless she is home with me? Part of the process is spending 15 hours of undivided attention to each other and meeting the emotional needs of the other. How can I do that if I dont even see her? We would text back and forth occassionally but it is always about my son.
Giving you a little history: we fell in love when we were in high school, she was 15 and I was 17, so I was her first serious boyfriend but I had dated two other people before her. She said I am not what I used to be when we were dating, not showing affections and not appreciating her for all the things she did for me. This woman has done everything for me, she put her self aside and has done everything to make me happy. I feellike a POS for all the things I have done to hurt her. I feel like she is in withdraw and has emotionally cut me off from her heart. On top of all this we both work very demanding jobs, I work 60+ hours and she does the same.
Do I still have a chance to fix this or am I done? What else can i do? I been trying to just make every interaction with her very pleasant and fun to try to fill her love bank but I feel like its not getting anywhere. When I tell her I love her all she say back is I know. I have read every book almost from Divorce Buster to Magic of making up.
Last edited by T0186; 11/15/13 08:28 PM.