I love to go out, and we have lots of nice restaurants in my city.

I have plenty of friends: mostly girls and a few men too (I'm a girl). Sometimes everyone is busy, or my schedule is such that I don't sync with a friends' schedule.

So I eat out alone.

I bring a book, I enjoy ordering whatever I want and taking my time. But I am very tired of the 'pity' and 'hovering' I get from the waitstaff. What can I do to avoid the 'hovering pity?'

Men seem to have no trouble eating alone. No one notices or cares that they are by themselves. But a woman alone is a special case or something?

Anyway, I'd love to hear thoughts on how to dine out alone without raising eyebrows. Unless I'm just swimming against an inexorable tide...

I don't think they are hovering out of pity. They probably gravitate to you cause they are comfortable standing near a solo female person vs a solo man, a couple or more.

They have to stand somewhere

and

figure you are a safe place to stand. While there, they may pretend to be extra vigilant to your needs in order to appear to be working.

lol

I do it all the time and don't bat an eyelash. I travel around the state during the day and very often stop into restaurants and have lunch alone. I just take my ipad and catch up on emails and go over my business reviews. I really enjoy it! I always see others doing the same thing.

Thanks for the replies!


I'll watch more for others dining alone. That'll make me feel better.

My main problem is at dinner though...lunch seems to be less of a big deal.


True, I may be reading into it. But I'll never forget the time a lady (customer) came over to tell me, "Are you alone? You're too pretty a girl to be eating by yourself." I assured her I was perfectly happy, had my book and enjoyed being by myself. I'm sure she was trying to pay me a compliment, but it felt awful. (and I'm not that pretty - it was just a weird experience)

So maybe I'm just extra-sensitive. I feel like I'm on display in a jar. Ick.

I'm in therapy...will that help?!?

If you don't look uncomfortable, no one thinks twice about it. There are enough business women who travel that it has become a non-issue. Unless, I suppose you are in a real po-dunk community.

Another strategy is to go to diners, or swish restaurants with a bar where you can sit and eat. You know, locales catering to solo diners.

Yeah I've had that too. I enjoy being by myself. I am one of the most interesting people I know!

Other people are not so confident and don't get it. I usually just say: "Oh thanks but I need some time to think. There are three suitors out there I am trying to dodge and I have to come up with a plan!!" Or if you want to go really dark say you can't due to the conditions of your parole/ the mental health act/ Santa told you not to play with strangers.

But that's only because I like to play with the less intelligent and the rude. I love getting telesales calls for the same reason.

I go out alone all the time, to eat and drink.
I honestly don't care what people think of me.
Occasionally I sense that some people think it's a bit weird.
I just ignore it.
You seem like a strong woman to me. Just let people make the judgements they make. Therapy will help I'm sure.

Agree with this. I recently had to pick up some NFL cheerleaders for an event and their flight didn't get in til 9pm. I went to a swishy restaurant close to the airport and just sat in a booth in the bar and ate a nice dinner. I enjoyed myself immensely! I did see other business people eating alone in there too. I travel through many, many po-dunk communities and the locals are always very friendly. I just smile pleasantly and no one bothers me.

I remember feeling uncomfortable when I was younger, but that has gone away completely.

Here is an article from The Etiquette Scholar on this topic:

Solitary dining is an occupational hazard of traveling executives and salespeople.

Too often you are given a table behind the potted plant only to face a waiter who openly despises you for inhabiting a table that could produce two tips.If your waiter wants you to leave quickly to make room for a couple, you will be served your soup, entree, dessert, coffee, and check in rapid succession.

Otherwise, you might be ignored-the interlude between courses wilt be as long as waiting for a bus on a street corner at 3:00 A.M.Tips for dining alone:Seek interesting diversions-for example, by eating in an out�door cafe that has tables well situated for people watching.

Some diners find discreet eavesdropping equally exciting.Avoid restaurants with a romantic or intimate ambiance. They tend to make solo diners feel lonely.If you are in a garrulous mood, visit a restaurant where you can sit elbow to elbow with other diners.

Sushi bars, community or "captain's" tables, and long banquettes are ideal.If you are going to be isolated by choice or circumstance, select a restaurant with interesting food. Many ethnic restaurants fit the bill.Make reservations. Self-confidently say, "a table for one," in�stead of the apologetic-sounding "only for one."If an acquaintance knows the maitre d', ask this person to make the reservation for you.

Dress well-this will help assure you an accommodating reception.Should you�be treated as a second-class customer-for in�stance, by being assigned an undesirable table-politely but firmly demand your due.Don't accept the restaurant's profit-oriented suggestion that you share a table with a stranger unless the idea appeals to you. A sure way to lose your appetite is to sit facing a dullard or a chatterbox.

A woman's best defense against macho staffers and obtrusive male diners is to deal with them in a self-assured and assertive manner. Sadly, some women sidestep the sexist problem by eating in crowded coffee shops or in their lonely hotel cell where room service typically arrives late, lackluster, and lukewarm.Be your own guest-indulge yourself as much as your diet and pocketbook allow.

Some restaurants have an unwritten policy that they turn down reservations for singles on busy nights. I know of some solo diners who beat the system by booking a reservation for two, then-when seated-moan to the waiter, "Oh, it looks like my date stood me up."

Thanks all, great advice!

So, a combo of "don't worry what people think" + "be confident" + "try ethnic places."

I looked up some articles on dining solo, and I'm glad to report that I'm not the only woman who feels this way. So, while I'm working on "getting over it," I'm not alone, and getting good advice to boot.

Just be like me and wear a B*tchy Resting Face, everyone will leave you alone.

HA! Like this?


I talked to a single girlfriend today who feels the same way about dining alone, and dinner at nicer places on weekends are the most difficult. She said bringing a book or iPad helps, and there are times she's eaten in her car to avoid awkwardness!

Summertime is so much easier - sitting outside at a cafe, watching the world go by. Maybe I've just got the winter blahs.

The few times I have eaten out alone have been interesting, only because I find myself eavesdropping while pretending to read whatever I brought with me. Or the time when 4 men at another table who kept staring at me. Trust me when I say, what I was actually reading was FAR more interesting than whatever they were thinking. I just keep smiling to myself and think, I am pretty good company.

...it was "50 Shades of Gray" wasn't it?

It was a murder mystery.......a much safer read than 50 shades for a celibate plan B'er who is not quite divorced yet!

Totes.

(puts finger in mouth)...maybe I should quit hanging out alone in truck stops. Could that be my problem? Hmmm....

Do we need to stage an intervention?

"Hello. My name is Zhamila.

I like to pretend I hate eating out alone. What I really like is to be stared at, asked awkward questions, and be propositioned by large men in ball caps and overalls who operate heavy equipment.

I admit that I am powerless to resist truck stops, and my life has become unmanageable."

Plus...chicken fried steak is like, YUMMY!!

So...I'm all equipped now to have some Adventures in Dining, per everyone's advice!

I got an iPad mini (and keyboard) - so I can read books/magazines while out and about

I took my son to dinner tonight - and some nice man bought my drink (was having a margarita), even WITH a nine-year-old in tow! (and a run in my hose, no less)

However, this weekend I am chickening out:
- Out with a friend Friday nite
- Out with a friend Saturday nite

If I go out by myself (evening, especially on a weekend), I'll report back.