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Re: When to forgive?
Courageous #2768708 11/30/13 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Courageous
[
There are a few other triggers inside the house like a broken door knob when fighting right after discovery. We'll fix that. She lives in the same town. A move is not an option at this point because I have a 87 year old widowed father with Alzheimer's that I help provide care for since he still lives at home.

Have you looked into nursing options? When my father was terminally ill and refused to go into a nursing home, my sisters and I hired nurses to come stay with him. It really wasn't that expensive to hire LPNs to come baby sit him.

You do have options here. But more importantly, he needs to leave the job. If he doesn't leave the you can NEVER be assured of the affair ending. He is perpetually triggered going to work with his OW every day. Dr Harley will tell you that recovery is impossible this way.

So I would address the job situation now. That is a non negotiable condition of recovery. Not negotiable! And if he won't leave the job that should tell you very clearly that he is not serious about recovery.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101
Re: When to forgive?
MelodyLane #2768742 11/30/13 05:32 PM
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Courageous Offline OP
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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I would go into Plan B until he does leave the job. Recovery will be impossible as long as they work together. I wouldn't make a threat. Just tell him this won't work and make plans to separate.

I will talk to SH about this since we are currently in his coaching system. It definitely isn't working for me. Over the past couple of weeks I reminded him twice about his A and he withdrew and got upset. Before I can do a Plan B I should probably do some good Plan A at least for a month or so.

Since my WS ended the A almost a year ago, would you do the Plan B as suggested when he hasn't ended the A. Would you do it without any warning?

Me: BS
DH: WS

Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Re: When to forgive?
Courageous #2768791 12/01/13 12:25 AM
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Moved to Uranus
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You could also write Dr. Harley.


Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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