I first left my husband in the 70's when he disconnected the dryer to keep me from using it, and took my pack of cigarettes, then hit me. I was only gone a few hours when he caught up with me 400 miles away at my mother's house demanding his children. I went back home with him. He had previously threw me into a wall when I was pregnant and when we were only married a few months fought me in his parents house, just when our first child was only five months old. I got pregnant again before our child was a year old and he talked me into an abortion. Soon thereafter we moved out of his parents house and bought a trailer. I worked full time as a secretary at new industry, and three years later became pregnant with second child, thats when the abuse started again. I supported him in every business venture, financially and emotionally, we made some money and lost some too, but I kept going. After 10 years we built a house and soon I found out about an ongoing affair. He talked his way out of it, by convincing me people were against us, and didn't want us together. Later I found the truth, after talking to the woman. Meanwhile we continued to fight, he burst my eardrum, and i have had many other bruises.

Now the skinny of it. Twenty five years later, caught him on the phone with the same woman..... Thirty years later.... I caught him in the motel room with a neighbor, left him then came back... Thirty eight years later.....he gave me an std, left him and this time he told everyone (including our grown sons) once a week wasn't enough for him thats why he looked elsewhere.. Lied on me to them that its my fault we have no money because i spent it in my business, which didn't bring a return, then ruined all the cars because i put so many miles on them in the business. I left for nine months, then had a heart attack, got angioplasty, went back to him, four months later he fought me again, with his fist hit me in the face, i fell and ended up in the hospital because i lost so much blood. Then one month, went back to the hospital had four more stints put in because of the strain on my heart in the fight. A few months later in between temper tantrums, he pulled his rifle on me. Almost forty years later.....I'm planning my escape before this ends tragically. If he hasnt changed in forty years of marriage at the age of sixty, he NEVER will. What do you think?

I think you should run from him.

Im sure you've been told your entire life to get away from him, I assume numerous doctors and relatives have told you that you are going to end up dead.

Dr Harley would probably encourage you to contact a local womens shelter immediately.

There are many local women's shelters that will provide support - a place to live, counseling, and you will be protected from your abuser. Take your children with you, pack the basics, and don't look back.

Once you are at the shelter, they will help you with all the paperwork, possibly a restraining order against your abuser. Please don't wait.

You should separate immediately and file a restraining order on him.......on your way to the attorneys office to file divorce.

Please read.
When to Call it Quits #2

If he comes near you in a threatening manner, I would call 911 and have him tossed in jail. Your husband desperately needs some jail time.

My children are 36 and 39, and because of this mess not speaking to either of us. In 2012 i filed for divorce, but returned after the heart attack. I didnt want to be alone or start over. This time I contacted a church in another state and they are assisting me with a place and a job. I have some income and savings, but i want this to be permanent with no looking back. The business is in my name and we have property, and he is a truck driver for forty years, however I want nothing from him, thats how he controls me, with his money. Thanks for all of the advice, please pray my strength

It's easy to see why they aren't speaking to him (because of the mess he created), but nothing you wrote explains why they aren't speaking to you.

Could you please explain why your grown sons are not speaking to you?

In the beginning my sons were not going to take sides, however my youngest son and his wife, communicated with him and ultimately sided with my husband after he told them all of this was my fault because i spent all the money on the business, was gone all the time, he was the victim. My son called my sister and complained to her, she came just to stir things up, and she did, by taking everything i said out of context back to them. Understand my husband has a large personality, very funny, and very likable. People have parties and make sure he is invited to keep the fun going. My sons didnt come see me in the hospital, nor have they spoken to me in over a year, nor are they concerned about me at all. My daughter in law wont let me see my grandson, because of what my sister told her, and how my husband put me down to them

If your sons have sided with your husband (against you), then why did you previously write that they weren't speaking to your husband? Also, what did your sister say that caused your daughter-in-law ban you from seeing your grandson? As a follow up, did you contact your sons and daughter-in-law and explain that your sister had taken your words out of context? It sounds like there is a lot of anger and hurt feelings...

My oldest son was not from the beginning, but he is closer to the youngest. They were entering into a business venture together, but after the split, it didn't happen. My youngest son even advised him about attorneys and had him make sure to get receipts when giving me stipends, and told him I was going to take everything. Yes i did try to talk with them, even apologized, they arent budging

Yes we all are hurt. My husband talked about me to them, and they never reached out to me about anything.

If your sons are still speaking to your husband, then why did you write that they aren't speaking to either you or your husband? I don't understand.

Are the previous incidents of abuse by your H documented? ie: Are there any police reports and charges filed that he had to face and be accountable for before a Judge? What about the incident that put you in the hospital? Did the hospital contact the authorities on your behalf?

It would seem the mid to upper 30 year old sons would have at least witnessed some of the abuse inflicted upon you?

Do they accept that as normal? Why would they take his side in view of the conflicts witnessed?

Ma'am,

If the facts are accurate, you need to get away safely from this abusive individual as fast as possible.

I hope your contacts with your Church pan out for you.

LTL