You did great with the divorce response. Perfect! She would have preferred you crumpling into a heap and saying 'please don't leave' or else promising to support a buddy divorce where you tell everyone it is 'no one's fault really'. She can't understand what has happened to you!

Just keep doing what you are doing.

Confront OM tomorrow with a witness (I'd record that entire transaction actually). Expose to your SS as soon as possible. He's been putting up a shield because he is wary and is making you work for respect. It's a knee jerk 'us and them' response because you aren�t his father. He needs to know while he's been assessing you she's secretly hopped into another bed and affaired down with a man who won't even speak to his own son! He won't be happy with this and needs to know you're acting in his interests towards ending it. Just matter of factly inform him who OM is by name, that you're fighting it, and tell him he can always come to you with any questions.



Isn't it great she was dumb enough to warn you about this? If we hadn't already told you to bring a witness and record stuff, she would have warned you of their low down intentions any way! That's how dumb waywards are.

If she meant it, she'd let you do it without a warning.

Her 'threat' was designed to achieve two things 1) Get you into a fight - she's desperate for you to lose your temper and 2) To keep you away from OM. The last thing she needs is you running him off when she is trying to win him back. Her threat is a good sign that the A is crumbling.

Don't stop now.

As a reporter I am constantly getting calls from people saying I am going to get sued because I put things they don't like in the paper. Some people say they are going to sue me for things said in an open court room! After they were convicted!

You've surely seen this technique in your line of work before - threats from people in no position to make threats.

Calmly run along to OM and tell him you love your wife and you arent going to roll over for him. Tell him adultery is illegal in your state and you have DNA evidence of his semen. I don't think he is going to bother with a restraining order - he'll just run away.

No, you are doing everything right.

You are killing the affair...it's in its death sprial.

Plan A, all the way.

Ignore the fog-babble...some time soon, she won't even believe what she said even if you had it taped and played it back to her.

Ignore the nonsense. Her anger level, threats = death of affair, no plan of action.

I ask wife if I make some more coffee would you like some. She yes please. I bring her the coffee and set it down. She says thank you. I leave. I go back into the bathroom and ask her if the coffee has enough cream sugar she says yes with thumb up sign. I then start to rub her shoulders, b/c she holds her tension there. She says in a soft voice why are you rubbing my shoulders. I said b/c you like it and need it. She says in a playful voice I don't like you right now. I said it's ok. She then goes in the living room and says come on I want you to rub my shoulders while I sit down between your legs. I would do this all the time in the past. So I'm rubbing her neck and she says in the playful voice, don't try anything. I said ok. I ask if she would like the t.v. on she says no she then goes on to say , I can do with out t.v. and says "if I move out I won't get cable" I said I'm sorry what did you say and she said "if I move out I won't get cable". I said oh ok. I continue to rub her neck. She again said in playful voice I don't like you. We have conversation about the son on how he made us laugh this morning. I kissed her on the cheek twice and she didn't stop me, She then got dressed to go to the dentist...

Just be aware that when they are showing love and desire, they are just as untrustworthy as when they are showing hatred.

If they say "I love you" - don't believe
If they say "I hate you" - don't believe
If they say "The sky is blue - don't believe

Don't trust her until you've verified weeks and weeks of no contact after she has sent the no contact letter to OM!

My take is that Plan A is starting to affect her, but also that she sees threats aren't shaking you. If threats aren't shaking you then maybe flirting will distract you.

Enjoy it, use it the opportunity to Plan A but keep a wary eye open. Above all, proceed with your plan regardless and unaffected.

This isn't over til it's over.

Can you get her favourite movie, or some kind of treat ready for her? Make a fuss of her when she comes home from the dentist? Does she need someone to drive her home?

During the back / neck massage when she asked why I'm doing this I also told her that I love you, She said something like no you don't. She talks low and I said what did you say, she said in low voice whatever, I replied you know I do love you...

There isn't anything more loving than confronting an A while remaining calm and gentle. Even the most hardened wayward wife feels her husband's protectiveness when he runs off the OM.

I told her if she needed me to call me...I really want to confront OM man like right now.

I was thinking the same thing when she was getting all friendly. I can't piss him off but I can get him distracted. I already learned that.

I got her some icecream last night. She went to open it and spilled the rice and all he'll broke loose with her uncontrollable crying. plus we discussed what I was going to make for dinner...

One question, why does she continue to act like she hasn't done anything wrong. Or makes it seem like she filed and then just met this guy. I know that isn't true. This had to be going on for sometime, how would I know working afternoons etc.. She slipped up after filing.

Because when her fantasy world crashes, and the POSOM runs for the hills being the low-life scum he is, all that remains is for her to face:

Herself.

That, and her decisions/actions.

And that's why you need to be THE MAN -- because only you will be there for her, with love.

Because when she starts to think about how truly dreadfully she is behaving and what everyone must think... she considers ending the A. That makes her addiction rear up and say 'impossible' and then she spills rice all over the floor!

So it's a coping mechanism. Thinking logically brings them a great deal of pain because it is a difficult, almost impossible thing to quit of your own volition. I've spoken to highly remorseful and regretful former waywards who tried sincerely to end it on their own and they just couldn't do it.

So many opt for thinking: 'don't think about how bad you're behaving, just let your logical brain go to mush and do whatever your feelings say feels good'.

For many this involves pretending everything is fine and there is nothing wrong with what they are doing.

As stated before,
Don't believe a word she says. She is in a thick fog and nothing will make sense.
Waywards are dumb and don't think logically.
Great job on not falling for the get in a fight trap, they all play that game.
Keep doing the Plan A, don't talk about divorce, be cool and calm like James Bond.


One caution, be very careful with intimacy at this point. She has told you a couple times her strategy about RO(they are dumb), sex is a great way for a crazy wayward to scream rape.

I would like to ask OM how long the affair has been going. I need a good way to bluff him into the answer...

I understand, about the rape thing. I will hold off, God it's killing me though.

Do I pay him a visit today or tomorrow...

the wayward is so illogical- indiegirl is spot on with her remarks
Point of reference -My new wife just found out her sister had an affair, that she ended and promptly had a nervous breakdown/thoughts of suicide and was admitted to the hospital.
When my wife asked her the same questions you ask, she explained she didnt know why she kept doing it, didnt know how to end it, knew it was wrong. She was physically ill when she ended it, like a drug/alcohol addict sobering up, then was a crying all the time and emotional for weeks(grieving the loss).
The wayward is going through hell when the addiction is put at risk or removed.

I would not take this approach. I would simply tell him you love your wife, you are going to fight like a pit bull to save your marriage, and that he is to stay away from her. Look him in they eye in a way that will let him know that his life will be hell if he keeps seeing your wife. But don't threaten him. Use body language and body contact to intimidate. The nonverbal stuff is just as effective as words but that won't show up on your recording.

If he starts to talk about the affair, then go ahead to start fishing. But I wouldn't get too conversational, because the objective is to serve notice that you are here to make his life hell if he doesn't end the affair. Scare him, and make him know that this affair will not be worth the trouble it is getting him in.

If your visit comes back to you at work, you have a recording and a witness. You've only seen him once to protect your family, and there is no way this can be construed as harassment.

Take care of this today, and then give your wife the bulleted list of POSOM's ex-wife's testimony soon. If she is angry with you for confronting him, tell her simply, "I am fighting for you." She may not say she is happy you did, but deep down she will be. And she will respect your more, too.

Ok just, I got what your telling me.

I forgot earlier she told me why do you want to be with someone who doesn't love you or want to be with you anymore , why don't you just let it go. I told her because I took my marriage vows serious, for better or for worst, sickness and death. We are in the worst and I removed myself from the bathroom.

Awesome reply!