Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 33 of 108 1 2 31 32 33 34 35 107 108
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
She is sleeping in the sunroom on that crappy futon. She wasn't happy about it. I told her she didn't have to. She said she didn't want to.sleep with me. I said ok good night and sweet dreams.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
The one thing she keeps telling me is it's over b/c I told everyone, she is humiliated and won't be able to step into any of families homes ever again. Not sure what to tell her.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
She also said I promised I would never do this to her run her name through the mud etc.. I never made such a promise. When she was exposed to my famil. I told her I would defend her when it's appropriate. That's all I ever said. Not sure where this promise came from. She is defienfly working hard on me...


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
.

Honey, every day is a new day to begin our marriage all over again. I am learning a lot about how to be a better husband and i want you to be the partner that benefits from learning how to be a better spouse.


Smooth!


D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
The one thing she keeps telling me is it's over b/c I told everyone, she is humiliated and won't be able to step into any of families homes ever again. Not sure what to tell her.


Maybe...When we are again living as husband and wife, you will be welcome every where I go. I will be at your side and everyone will know how much I love you and will always protect you.


D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
The one thing she keeps telling me is it's over b/c I told everyone, she is humiliated and won't be able to step into any of families homes ever again. Not sure what to tell her.

I wouldn't respond to this at all, because the truth is that she should feel humiliated. It is because she did something despicable. You don't want to even give her the impression that you will forgive her. Marriage Builders believes in just compensation and not forgiveness. She can earn your forgiveness and that of your family. I wouldn't give her the impression that she has some sort of entitlement. Wayward women are already entitled enough as it is.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
WHEN she really ends her affair and commits to the marriage you can show her how she can EARN your forgiveness and give you just compensation. But she is not close to that position yet. So I would avoid this subject for now and just be as pleasant as possible.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Wife get a good night's rest, she is safe in the other room�.it takes time and a lot of patience.
just keep doing what you are doing she will see what she will lose if she keeps it up��..
get tha gps and var keep checking for contact. keep being the choice for her�..get those hugs that little comfort means everything to someone stressed out�she must be exhausted too..
you are doing great.


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
I did the cheater Ville. Tomorrow after confronting him. He will get sent a link. He does have a linkd account also. That could be useful.

You also want to post the link on any "customer review" pages that his business has online, such as google and yellow pages

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Hang in there, Sir.
Do you attend Church?
Have you asked your Church for support and prayers?

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
What are the repercutions on cheater Ville. I don't want to use my real email. Etc...

The fact is, there is no law in telling the truth.
It is only in these modern times we would even worry of telling the truth.
I posted OM and my ww on cheaterville and used my email; I dont receive junk mail, etc from them.
I'm not hiding from my factual post: If I am somehow deposed and asked if i posted I will answer truthfully.

Just stick with the truth, NOT fear.

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
I bought her some chunky monkey ice cream. She ask me to sit with her and share it with her. So I sit next to her and she ask if I want the other spot. It's where I usually sit. I said no you go ahead. We share the ice creaM and watch t.v. actuall a nice time. I then get up and go back and sit over in the other chair. She looks at me and ask what are you doing, I said I'm done with having ice cream. She goes what you don't want to sit next to me. I said I'm just going to sit.over here. She says boy talk about bipolar. I just ignored it.

I continue to sit watching t.v. She then ask did your lawyer call I said no. She said boy she is on top of It. She then starts in on divorce that she is done and I better get going on this house or she is going to have it up for sale. I said I'll leave all that up to the lawyers. She gets pissed and starts telling what lawyers do I just say ok. She then starts asking me about why am I buying ice cream and doing all these nice things and why do you think telling everyone what you did is going to help our marriage you just made it worst. She went on saying she don't think she can ever forcgive me for it. She then said maybe she can. I just listened. She then said I made it worst and it will never work again. I simply said how will you ever know. She also wanted to know about my evidence and who told me to expose the affair. I said I have proof that is all that's needed, she said I want to see it. I said no, and she started to get mad. She then started asking me who told me to expose etc.. I just said I did it to save our marriage and family. She continue to get angrier and told me when are you just going to stop and give in....I said I'm fighting for this marriage and family to the very end. She continue to tell me just stop. I then decided to go empty the dishwasher. I never lost my cool. I then came back into the living room and asked her if I could get her anything. She told me to stop playing a game with her. I asked her again and she said no..

You give me memories of about 2 and a half years ago.
same story, same fogged out wayward females...different names.

Just remember: make love bank deposits, avoid direspectful judgements and angry outbursts

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I just went into the bathroom and wife was getting ready for a shower. I gave her a big hug. She let me hug her but she didn't hug me back. She said don't hug me I just slept on a hard mattress, I asked how's your back she said it hurts. I continue to hug her. She then got undressed in front of. Me. This getting undressed in front of me has been she does it and then doesn't do it.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Mel, is it ok to say what fooledme, said to say when she brings up humiliation. and Wong be able to step foot in any of my families house.

He said something like this.
Maybe...when we are living as husband and wife again . You will be welcomed everywhere I go. I will be by your side and everyone will see how much I love you and I will protect you.

Last edited by wifedivorcing; 04/01/14 04:52 AM.

ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
She is guarding him. I can't get to him.


You need to be creative about exposing to the stepson. Yes she is guarding him which must be very confusing for him. It also hampers your Plan A. While you pose a perceived 'threat' to her SS she won't feel safe and will be constantly twitchy in the home. But after exposure the 'threat' is gone and she can face the fact she can never introduce her son to this guy. The SS will also see you have protected his mother instead of constantly being given this subtle message that you are a 'threat'.

You need to distract her, making her go out or find him outside of the house. You may need to go to him when he is at a friends house or out doing sports. Does she leave him alone in the house? I imagine she would if you pretended to go out somewhere and she felt sure you were busy and wouldn't be back for a while. Pretend to go out for a few hours for something very important but have the aim of watching the house and coming back in to speak to stepson after she leaves.

Have you exposed to your DD?





What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
The beauty of exposing to SS is when she does her fire breathing act afterwards, you can say "I thought you already told him?"

Hanged by her own petard.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Another thing. She keeps saying that when I exposed the affair I'm making stuff up. She said she read the letter I sent out and it's made up. the letter was the one from exposure 101.I had to do a little tweeking of course. I think she wanted me to put all my wrong doings in to so she can use that to justify the affair. That's the impression I get. I didn't give specific details. I just told everyone you're having an affair and I want to work on our marriage etc...


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I told my daughter. She is sad about it. She loves her family here. Her mom just got divorced again last year b/c her new husband cheated but heard she cheated. Who knows. I feel so bad for these kids. problem is SS won't get home today until late, I will see what I can do.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
Another thing. She keeps saying that when I exposed the affair I'm making stuff up. She said she read the letter I sent out and it's made up. the letter was the one from exposure 101.I had to do a little tweeking of course. I think she wanted me to put all my wrong doings in to so she can use that to justify the affair. That's the impression I get. I didn't give specific details. I just told everyone you're having an affair and I want to work on our marriage etc...


The tickertape in her head pretty much reads like this.

I must have my A. What does he know? Can he stop the A? I must stop him. I must have my A. What does he know? Can he stop the A? I must stop him.

On a loop. Pay it no mind.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I know. She defiently is up and down. She catches her self being her and then pulls back.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Page 33 of 108 1 2 31 32 33 34 35 107 108

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 497 guests, and 39 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5