The OW sent an email to me today, of all days, to my work account. I have filters that delete emails from known emails, but this one came from a different one.

There were no words, just a picture.

I deleted it, then went into my deleted folder and erased it.

Of all days.

For a few seconds I thought of not telling my wife, but I quickly kicked that crazy idea out of my head. My mind was working overtime to come up with excuses why we wouldn't tell her, like it would ruin our Valentine's day.

I don't think it will ruin our day, btw, I think it will just be a time for me to reflect.

It reminded me of the "old" me, the one that let things happen to me, basically unprotected.

Now I live a protected life. I protect my wife's emotional needs, and she protects mine. Part of that is being open and honest.

We are putting together a MB Foundation around our marriage.


BTW - she just texted back and it is not going to ruin our day at all! :-)

In my mind I want to say it was not easy sending the info of the email from her to my wife.

Opening my mind with Marriage Builders being open and honest, and thinking of someone other than myself I can see that the real truth is that it was easy to send the email to my wife telling her I got it.

The really hard part would be covering it up, living a lie - not being honest. Getting divorced. Living in a dream world.

Without a doubt, not having a contract, not having steps in place, or have a protection mechanism is like walking around playing Russian roulette. It is that serious.

It feels good to share this, and get it off my chest here on the forum.

I have spoken with my wife about it, and she is happy that our contract is in tact, and that it is working.

BTW - I am updating my email delete filter to include the new address.


thank you, Happy Valentine's Day

Good job on telling your wife and am so happy about your wife's response.

What was the picture? Can it be considered harassment or stalking? Something to go to the police about?

Can you talk to your IT dept and ask for a new email? Then set up all the blocks on the new email also?

Great job telling your W!

If my FWW didn't tell me something like this and covered it up (btw I would find out it happened on my own).... I would not want to proceed with our M. Honestly, I would end it. She knows this. No questions asked. I MUST know she has my back by being 100% radically honest.

You might think this is extreme but the reality is any breach of honesty is a breach in our agreement. A breach in our agreement signals a lack of reliability and protection of my feelings. Your W wants to know that you will protect her and not break your deal of R.

It wouldn't have been the email that would have hurt her, it would have been you lying by omission which would have been the nail in the coffin of your R.

Without honesty, you really don't have much of a M...especially after an A.

Your commitment to O&H will take you far friend. I would imagine you made a massive LB deposit by showing her you be honest under a difficult situation.

If I were your wife, I would be in my car now to let that OP know that this will not be tolerated. Maybe another NC letter is in order here to slam that door shut.

Wait a minute. When you say you told her�

Did you send her the email?

There should be no communication from that whore that your wife does not see (unless she specifically asks not to, and why would she?) If you tell her about something, how does she know you are describing it accurately?

This is really ambiguous. Did you forward the email to your wife, or did you send her an email telling her about the OW's email?

SugarCane,

Apologies for the late reply. I have been away on vacation with the family in the mountains ( 90+% of the time UA ).

I did not forward it to my wife, I deleted it.

Our contract was to delete all emails automatically with filters which have been in place since we started this program as suggested by Steve H.

I picked up the phone immediately, called her, and told her about it. She was happy that I deleted it and did not want to see the contents - only asked was the jist of the email was.

She was happy that I immediately deleted it.

The filter has been updated to include the new address in addition to a more generic net.

thanks,

Thanks for replying, lr.

That arrangement would not be good enough for me. I have the right to see all emails between my H and any other woman, and especially THAT OW.

I agree. I would want the emails forwarded to me.

What does your DW want?

SugarCane / BrainHurts,

thank you.. with the updated filter, it automatically deletes them and I have no record of them even being sent. It's like they never existed.

For this particular case, I will go back to my wife and re-verify her desire for them just to be deleted.

thank you.

How's it going li_runner?

much better, thank you for asking.

We have been very busy the past two weeks, and have not been putting the time we should be into the program.

Last night we agreed to put MB back on top of our priority list, and start the next chapter, as well as plan our week out in advance.

Funny how that works. As soon as we stop planning our week, nothing gets done.

When we spend that hour or two on Sunday to go through our calendars everything falls into place.

Very important two hours of the week.

Great, and so how much UA time are you getting?

BrainHurts,

We have "standing" date nights during the week ( Mon and Wed ), and M-W-F we workout together in the morning with each other at a home gym.

We are averaging 15-20 each week with spurts of 25-30 when we go away for the weekend.

I have also felt a huge change in connectedness with our UA as we begin to explore our future plans together.

In the past it has always felt like our future plans were pretty diverse. As we more openly and honestly pick out something which fits for both of us it is amazing to literally feel the connections being made.

The Online program is really helping also. We both really enjoy it and I can say for sure I am learning a Ton.