My brother and I moved here from Europe and set up two dairy farms one of the farms he owns while my husband and I own the second farm. Our relationship was cordial then with the passing of our father and the inheritance which came from the estate there was more than sufficient money to get a 5 million dollar loan which was than split between the two of us and invested in our farms. Making both of us financially strong.

Our family is heavily involved in the church activities as was my brother. Then one Friday night he went out to a local country club bar while there he met a divorced woman with a child who was having an affair with a married man which included many ons with various men.

He fell for her charms,wiles and before long they were married and heavily in debt due to many yearly trips to exotic locations Cuba, Hawaii, Mexico. Their debts have arisen so high that 1 month ago he went back to Europe and asked my mother for money to pay his monthly payments which keep him from filing for bankruptcy.

We seldom go over to their home but we did go this one time and when we got there we were given a tour of their huge home. A tour of their room was given as well and what was seen gave me a shock on her vanity mirror were two pictures of another, have dressed man. On both sides of the vanity mirror so when she does her hair she can see him while she turns her head from side to side.

Guess what she even admitted to having those pics on her mirror for 2 years running. Others were told that she had even invited the om over their farm. Om and her even exercised together in another city 1 hr away. My brother even set aside a room for her new gym set. Yet she still insisted on working out in that city. I don't know if they had a sexual affair.

When I confronted my brother he played off the whole thing saying that one of those pictures om were his and that he was friends with the om and know refuses to have anything to do with me.

I am here bc we both have kids and when mom comes to visit she wants all her grand kids together a big happy family. Advice needed please.

What sort of advice are you looking for?

why is he with her after all isn't her behavior enough to warrant a divorce?

But your brother wants to stay married to this woman?

yes... they just left yesterday for a weeks vacation in cancun, barely got back from getting money from mom and now they went for another trip. He does say that, they have a happy marriage together.

Did he ever do a background check on her? Or talk to any of her exes?

Does he know about MB?

The two teenage kids are yours? Have you talked with them about this?

How about emailing these to your brother?
Are "Friends" a Threat to your Marriage?
The Risk of Opposite-sex Friendships in Marriage

the two teenagers are mine and yes we've talked about this extensively and this has helped a lot.

thank you for the suggested emails. Here's the problem my sister in-law has a twin sister who just recently divorced her husband and is living with my brother and his wife along with her kids and my brother's and wife's kids. As of the last month the twin's (sisters) have been reunited, both are party girls and as of lately they been spending time together in the city their excuse is that they are just shopping and hanging out.

My kids tell me that they're going to the bars and I believe that. However my brother just simply turns a blind too it all. If something is not done soon either he or mom will go bankrupt. It goes back to the original question way does he tolerate her behavior?

Have you ever thought about hiring a PI to follow her?

Sister in law had been seen out with other men and every time her husband forgave her. His own buddy was caught rubbing her thighs in front of my eyes and he said nothing when I told him about it. This behavior may be Ok. With him but not in our home.

As weird as it sounds my brother goes to my mom saying that he got to many spankings when he was a kid and mom gives him what he wants. The problem is that mom makes us come together as a family by inviting him,wife and kids to family reunions. So yes we could hire a p.i but he wouldn't believe us anyway.

I do not know from which European country you are (Holland?) but in some countries you may be able to take legal action, if your mother spends your future heritage all on your brother.

Also, you may want to speak with your mother. Does she know that he is spending her money on vacations in Cancun while in debt? It may be a better option for her not to give him money, but to buy his or something else that is an asset to prevent the bank from taking it all in bankrupcy

yes Holland lol do you know this couple? please explain more about this law in Holland... yes mom knows that they are currently in cancun however this is the crazy part they tell mom that all the trips are paid via credit card air points... this is how it works they pay all bills farm included with credit cards and are rewarded with air mile points that allows them three free flights per any where they so choose along with their kids for one of these flights, actually they told mom that hadn't they gone to cancun they would've lost their air mile points... so they had to go!

Yes once again surprise surprise mom believed them. But what I don't get is that even if you buy supplies with the credit card how does that pay for soo many flights. This is another problem in our house, bc our kids ask us why can't we go on trips like them. My husband and I have arguments at times over this.

I'm not sure what it is you want?

Your brother is a fool, and he will be bankrupt and divorced in a short time. This story reminds me of the Return of the Prodigal Son.

Tell your mom you want no part of this disaster. You also owe it to your brother to let him know how you feel.

Because his brain is between his legs. His wife has a hold on him.

Could also be that he is in so deep with this this crazy black widow tramp that he is taking the death spiral ride to the end. He is in serious trouble.

I would suggest the entire family have a meeting with him. He needs an intervention.

On this website you can find general information about dutch laws on inheritance and the possibility that large sums of money that were given to one child are in certain circumstances considered a part of the heritage and should for this reason be subtracted from the amount this child will get later.

http://wetenschap.infonu.nl/recht-e...me-portie-of-het-wettelijke-erfdeel.html

Please bear in mind I am not a lawyer, nor do I live in the Netherlands so that my knowledge is limited. You should think of ways to talk with your mother ( the minister, maybe?) because it seems that you brother is asking money and spending it on hotels ( if not the flight) in Cancun.

Dr Harley promotes telling the truth and exposing. Maybe you should gather evidence and think of exposure. What you have to keep in mind here
Is, that your brother is in over his head. He has married this woman, she is the mother of his children and has overspent money so that he will be going bankrupt. If he would be honest he will have to confess that this was all for nothing. And what will he be left with? Exactly. With your mother you may have more influence, but be warned that this woman may cause your relationship with your brother to fall apart.

Update! I called mom for a Dr. Harley disclosure presenting all the facts including my brothers current trip to cancun just after he came back from Holland to get money to pay for monthly payments.

Mom said that what ever financial transactions they do has nothing to do we me and that I must butt out of their affairs. This is when I threatened her with a lawsuit in return she exploded saying that my brother deserves special treatment due to the fact that our late father strapped him a lot as boy, while she had to sit back and watch and listen furthermore I was the apple of my dad's eye and should I meddle in her affairs there would be no more inheritance.

Dad was cheap this was the reason why he left a good inheritance enabling us to get farms. My husband and I are doing well slowly we are repaying our debts we've never been on a fancy vacation bc Our goal is to be debt free.

My question what do I do now?

Having an angry outburst did not help you. It is a good thing that you are paying of your debts. Why don't you get legal advice? This forum is primarily for helping your marriage thrive. You do not have the power to change other people.

I would get legal advice and in the mean time, be cordial.