Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 88 of 108 1 2 86 87 88 89 90 107 108
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I'm trying to figure out how to cause some more trouble in her affair with out landing myself in jail.

My attorney has my ppo. She is filing a motion/hearing for dismissal.
So I will be getting a court date for that.

I'm waiting on my union to call me back.

The attorney I seen today says he needs to see petitions from hosp, he it does sound lime a defermation of character suit.

OM says I defamed his deformation because of cheater Ville per the ppo. There is no where on the ppo that says I was trying to hurt him. It said he just met my wife 2.weeks ago on FB, but there's 4.calls to his pharmacy on 2/4/14 about 16 mins each from her old cell phone. He's on several other Sites. he claims he is harassed every day by people calling him.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I'm just not sure why she is coming.the house. I don't trust her!...

Problam with a ppo is it's base off perponderence of the e evidence. That so so.low as a matter of fact the lowest you can go on the threashold for finding fault. It's used in all civil cases...


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
Why does it seem like things get worst every time I expose things.

Because you are interfering in the affair. As you have seen, she is perfectly HAPPY as long as you don't interfere in her affair. BUT.....the more trouble you cause in the affair, the faster it will crumble. Your marriage can survive her temporary anger, it can't survive an ongoing affair.

It is like bringing onlookers into the crack house to watch the crack heads get high. They are furious at the interruption. Is that a bad thing? No, its not.

Mel , should I pull the GPS from her car for a while.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Since you have a keylogger on your home computer, why don't you leave your W and SS alone at your home so you can leave to pick up a pizza or something to go along with any dinner you may have planned to cook

She can not feel as if every interaction with you will be a point of contention and embarrassment. Let her start departing from your company with no feelings of conflict. Just don't get drawn into it at all. .

Also, leave a VAR hidden near the computer while you are gone and maybe another where you think she may ego to make a secret phone call out of SS's earshot, like either the bathroom or garage.

I feel you need to stop mentioning anything at all that still rubs her face in her affair muck. You've done your exposure as complete as possible and now you be the best Plan A Husband you can be, but not so overboard that it looks lime you became her doormat.

How can you make tonights stop over into a peaceful visit?

LTL

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,311
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
Since you have a keylogger on your home computer, why don't you leave your W and SS alone at your home so you can leave to pick up a pizza or something to go along with any dinner you may have planned to cook

She can not feel as if every interaction with you will be a point of contention and embarrassment. Let her start departing from your company with no feelings of conflict. Just don't get drawn into it at all. .

Also, leave a VAR hidden near the computer while you are gone and maybe another where you think she may ego to make a secret phone call out of SS's earshot, like either the bathroom or garage.

I feel you need to stop mentioning anything at all that still rubs her face in her affair muck. You've done your exposure as complete as possible and now you be the best Plan A Husband you can be, but not so overboard that it looks lime you became her doormat.

How can you make tonights stop over into a peaceful visit?

LTL

I agree with everything LTL just wrote. Time to just Plan A as Dr. Harley said, and leave the POSOM alone. The stick of Plan from here on out is making it clear to your wife that reconciliation is only possible when she ends contact for life with the POSOM. Since she is not willing to do that and she is still trying to move forward with the divorce, your approach should simply be to make the home inviting and loving, and to treat her with kindness and love.

You are at a juncture now where you will need to be patient. You have to wait this out, and you can't always do things to bring it to a halt. You've done what you can, and now it is time to begin taking care of your daughter and yourself. As you plan activities with your daughter, invite SS to participate.

And even though you don't want to divorce, your wife has not relented, so I would be contacting an attorney to protect what is yours.

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I already have an attorney for divorce. Being that ist strictly plan A. I haven't heard from her all day. I think I will send a text to.see how her day is going. She is at work. Normally a day off.on Monday, however she had mandatory training.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
I already have an attorney for divorce. Being that ist strictly plan A. I haven't heard from her all day. I think I will send a text to.see how her day is going. She is at work. Normally a day off.on Monday, however she had mandatory training.

Make sure the message is playful and includes no relationship, feelings or any other talk that would reference the A or current problems.

Something like, "I saw _____ and it reminded me of you. I hope your day is going well" Something that is light and fun and gives her satisfaction.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
The attorney I seen today says he needs to see petitions from hosp, he it does sound lime a defermation of character suit.]

A defamation suit on your behalf? Or on the OM's behalf?

Quote
OM says I defamed his deformation because of cheater Ville per the ppo. There is no where on the ppo that says I was trying to hurt him. It said he just met my wife 2.weeks ago on FB, but there's 4.calls to his pharmacy on 2/4/14 about 16 mins each from her old cell phone. He's on several other Sites. he claims he is harassed every day by people calling him.

Hopefully your atty can get this dismissed on the grounds that you have a constitionally protected right to tell truth in this country. It is not against the law to tell truth, IT IS AGAINST THE LAW TO COMMIT ADULTERY IN YOUR STATE.

Can you get a PPO against him for commiting adutlery?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
[
Mel , should I pull the GPS from her car for a while.

I would NOT.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I'll tell you texting. That worked. What about the I love you etc... She knows I love her. Just curious. I'll take any tips.
She said her training is excruciating with a lol at the end.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
She only text me back once from my 1st text. I did text two other text about her response. She didn't text back though. It was nice that Dr Harley sent me that email. He's a great guy.

I appreciate everyone's help. It just seems like she is trying to cut the ties with me. It seems as if she doesn't want anything to do with me. since I told her she was seen again at his house Friday night she is real suspicious of me. I hope she comes out of this fog one day. She has told me there is to much damage to repair our marriage and relationship with SS.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
You Pursue..... She Distances.....

Pull back and primarily focus on your self improvements and the relationship you have with your Daughter.

She is still very jumbled, confused and angry. Don't allow your actions to be the direct target.

What are you doing to enhance yourself? Have you done any of the suggestions made earlier?

As far as your focus, start concentrating all your efforts gathering your evidence for your upcoming hearing on the PPO.

Do something that used to be fun. Fake it till you make it.

Have a peaceful, non-conflict evening at your home tonight.

Don't continue to point out when you bust her about her whereabouts anymore. You don't have, to prove to her that you know where she was.

See how pulling back winds up working out.

LTL

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I know she said she was coming over so SS can do his paper but I haven't heard anything. I'm wondering if I should call to see if their coming by. Any suggestions. it just seems like she is done. Look at all the damage that has happened, my guilt would of crushed me already if the table was turned.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
I have been lifiting weights again. My daughter and I along with some neighbor kids drove the dune buggy and four wheeler all weekend. My daughter goes home tomorrow. So I'm making dinner. I don't know if WW and SS are coming. You never can Believe anything coming from her mouth.

I just feel like I have lost the battle and she will prevail. I'm the one who everyone thinks I'm a lunatic. I'm the one here having to prove my innocence for exposing an affair and.confronting a man, I'm the bad guy.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
Quit trying to dissect her thoughts, actions and emotions. She is a wreck right now and will have bipolar-like mood swings. I have been there with my WW. My WW doesn't even remember half the stuff she said and did during her fog period. It is just now starting clearing up 10 months later of NC. About 2 weeks ago is the first time WW stated she was selfish and had a fantasy in her mind.

It seems like ages ago but you need to completely disregard everything WW says and does right now.

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
I know she said she was coming over so SS can do his paper but I haven't heard anything. I'm wondering if I should call to see if their coming by. Any suggestions. it just seems like she is done. Look at all the damage that has happened, my guilt would of crushed me already if the table was turned.

Oh no, this is far from done. What is "done" is her affair. You just have to stand back and continue being the better option while her affair crumbles.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 296
You did a way better Plan A than I and have been through alot worse than I was so don't question yourself. YOU KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT and YOU KNOW YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. That is all you can control, forget about what WW says and does because you have no control over it.

The best way I handled it was by picturing the links below. Silly children throwing a tantrum. They do anything/everything to try and get their way and they don't listen to a word you say and keep repeating the same jibberish.




Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 912
Thanks. I always can count on you fine people. It looks like she is on her way here. GPS is awesome.


ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14

Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,391
Originally Posted by wifedivorcing
I know she said she was coming over so SS can do his paper but I haven't heard anything. I'm wondering if I should call to see if their coming by. Any suggestions. it just seems like she is done. Look at all the damage that has happened, my guilt would of crushed me already if the table was turned.

What will calling her achieve?

You already have 2 unanswered texts. Maybe the work training is brutal like she said and she is busy. Maybe she feels pressured and ticked off. Maybe none of the above.

Either she will show up with SS or she will not. A phone call won't make your desire occur.

Pull back and be patient. Try to not live in anxiety and apprehension, even when that is truly what you are feeling.

What can you do to get your mind on something else for a few hours?

Be patient.

LTL

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
have a nice evening and supper, maybe your daughter could tell SS all about the weekend of fun���.
try to have conversations about something else anything else, ask her opinion make her feel important.
let her know your alright with the no contact that it has been very stressful and you need to take care of yourself


BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
Page 88 of 108 1 2 86 87 88 89 90 107 108

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 500 guests, and 41 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5