He was funny, thoughtful, a hard worker, made me laugh, and affectionate. Now the affection has dwindled and I often feel he manipulates me to get what he wants.

On the other part, I have asked and he tells me it is a time issue. We are too busy and don't have time. I have tried negotiating on that but he got upset, so I tabled the talk.

imastarr, what is the most effective way to spy on him? Can you get his phone bill? Can you go through his phone log and see who he is speaking to? What about his computer?

MelodyLane, I have checked his computer and email and found nothing. His personal cell shows no unusual calls or texts to numbers I can't verify. I don't have access to his work cell records,only his boss had those. When he is home,he keeps a close eye on me but I will try to puta VAR in his truck.

I know much of this is in part to our short courting time. I want to make this marriage to work but not at the expense of one of our happiness.

Even the dumbest person knows how to delete emails and cover his tracks. I would slip a keylogger on it and see what he is doing.


Can you get your hands on his work cell and read his emails and his phone log?


I agree that making the marriage work should not come at the expense of your happiness. This is a young marriage and you are not tied down with children. It might be in your best interest to move on. But FIRST just snoop a little and see what he is up to.

I would also get a GPS on his vehicle. There are many options suggested on the Operation Investigate forum.

MelodyLane, I did look at his work cell which is how I found the call he got Friday night was deleted. I want to check it tonight to see if he called or texted someone when he sent me to Walmart.

When I agreed to go to Walmart he was happy and loving, much like he was when we were newly married. Shortly after getting home, he got quiet and by dinner it was hard to get conversation from him.

Could his behavior be from his drinking?

How often does he drink? Is he an alcoholic?

Brainhurts, he drinks nearly everyday. At first, it was a beer or two after work. Now he drinks on the way home and has at least two till he gets home. He continues drinking until after supper. Today he drank at least a six pack.

I've talked with him on the drinking while driving and said I didn't like it. He says I worry too much.

Can you slip some spyware on his work phone?

That doesn't mean you should never bring the subject up again, though. Keep mentioning the problem. Let him know that in order to be happy in marriage you need to have your emotional need for affection met. In the meantime, KEEP snooping on him. It sounds like he is always very happy to arrange some time alone without you - drop in on him unannounced during some of these times. In addition to getting some more technological means of snooping going - something is obviously going on.

It sounds like every time you complain to him he makes a disrespectful comment toward you indicating you shouldn't feel that way. Tell him you are not willing to put up with this kind of disrespect about your feelings, and that you are going to need to have your complaints addressed rather than dismissed if you are going to be happy. Let him know that you are not okay with him drinking while driving and you are not going to put up with it.

In the meantime, keep snooping.

No, it sounds to me like he had a rendezvous with somebody. I would have dropped back in on him unannounced during that time! There may have been drinking involved, but I'll bet he had somebody there.

I would say you have definitely married a freeloader, and he is probably continuing relationships with other women. He was happy to do so while married before, and he is happy to continue to do so now.

You need to find out what is going on, and you need to consistently indicate to him that the bar has been raised and that if he wants to keep you he is going to have to start putting more into this relationship instead of dismissing all of your complaints with disrespectful remarks. I would start quietly preparing for a separation now because there is a good chance you are going to have to go that far before he will decide he has to actually take your complaints seriously - and if he doesn't, you will at least have made preparations for an independent life. In the meantime, be telling him that you expect more and you expect your concerns to be addressed, not dismissed; and also gather evidence about his relationships with other women (which I am sure exist!)

Have you ever talked to his past wife (wives) about what happened to end his marriage? This might be very informative for you.

MelodyLane, no it is a basic flip phone. :-(

BOTH phones? I am confused. Does he have a personal and a work phone? Or just a work phone? Does he use the landline in your home?

It would have had to be by phone because I had the voice recorder on my computer turned on so if someone would have come to the house I would have heard them in the recording. If he called someone,he did it while outside.

He has a work cell and personal cell and they are both flip phones. He rarely uses the landlines and I've been monitoring it.

I love a smart girl!!

Thanks. I just hate doing it,it makes me feel horrible. I'll keep checking stuff and find a voice recorder and GPS.

I knew his story about working away was just that- a story. I felt like he was preparing for a getaway and this was the start of paving the road.

She has been a problem by trying to contact him repeatedly. They have no children. She has a drinking problem and has been arrested for DUI.