You are putting the cart before the horse with Plan B. That is good that you are making those plans, but exposure is part and parcel of Plan A. Plan A comes before Plan B.

It is hoped that exposure will kill the affair by bringing things to a head. You might not even need to go into Plan B.

You have plenty of time to find this out. I would start by looking up her relative's facebook pages and finding all their relatives. You can get a good list going that way. Pore over their facebook pages looking for pictures and posts that the OW has commented on.

I would try to focus on finding ways to most effectively maximize your exposure for strategic effect, instead of thinking up reasons that it can't be done.

From the advice of Steve- I should not expose at work. It will absolutely ruin WH's career and we will have no income. He is the President of an Internet Marketing company and if his reputation is tainted he won't get work any where else. He is already admitted he is choosing his career over his family. I have no $$ we would be screwed.

SFL, you have a longshot so it is important that you think strategically and get the best bang for your buck. There are no guarantees but you have to maximize your approach.

Ok, this sounds good. I will work on this tonight. Thank you so much for your guidance. I'm a bit scrambled this morning with my 1 year old running around and I do have an appointment with a lawyer so I have to run. I will sit down and carefully read through everything when I get back and baby is napping instead of the "half reading" I am able to do now.

Dr. Harley's advice is to give the WS 30 days to leave the job or you will expose at work. That way, he has a chance to gracefully leave his position. So yes, you would expose at work if he does not leave in 30 days.

He has to leave the job anyway, so this is a good thing.

From Dr Harley's book, Surviving an Affair - pg 71,

"While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or it might trigger the outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult for them to find another job. So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."

Exposure has an internal effect on waywards. He isnt comfortable with his decision and won't be able to publically brazen it out they way you do when you really believe in what you are doing.

My WH never gave a whistle about people's opinions when his actions were good, but exposure had a tremendous effect on him and it did kill the affair he was so set on. They denied each other straight away and had decided to live in separate countries within a month of exposure, even though I had kicked him out.




Why that's a brilliant chance to manage any sulky attitude to exposure.

When he's sulking and raging say "The children are distraught and would probably like you to pull yourself together and reassure them."

If he refuses, say: "The kids and I are going to xxxx to enjoy ourselves today. (If the children are up for getting out of the house, otherwise say you're watching movies or having a family dinner) I'd like you to be with your family and help the children get through this today"

Then be as deaf as the proverbial post when he blames you. If he attacks, go somewhere and do something else saying calmly you aren't going to stand for that.

Your kids aren't going to have any kind of great time with a wayward anyway. Nor will he he will just be weeping over it all and saying goodbye. Plus you can Plan A during the exposure storm. You are calm, attractive and offering family fun - that's Plan A regardless of his reaction which doesn't matter at all.


Some of the best exposures I've seen have been ones that ruined a waywards plans for a great time. Especialy a last hurrah in the bosom of the family.

Exposures that ruin the last Christmas, the last Thanksgiving always pack an extra punch. Oh the WS is extra angry, but they also seem extra good at ruining the A. I think it really breings home to the WS that their family will really be gone forever unless they shape up and since they never got that one last family 'hit' they way they wanted they don't feel as ready to go as they otherwise would.

SFl, another point is that if your husband does not leave that job, the news of his affair will come out someway, somehow. People gossip at work so it is just a matter of time. He is a ticking time bomb. If not today, then next week. Your husband is an unprofessional, reckless, loose cannon who is on a path to self destruction right now.

He is ruining his OWN reputation by having a workplace affair with a subordinate. That won't stay a secret for long.

If he gets fired, it will be because of his affair and nothing else. Anyone who is this reckless in the workplace needs to be stopped. He is a walking sexual harassment lawsuit. He might avoid his current path to being an ADT door to door salesman if he leaves that job gracefully and takes his career more seriously.

If he worked for my company, he would be frog marched off the premises by an armed security guard.

Hey everyone- big update. I asked PI for the info and it's way more far gone than I thought. He said he hasn't slept in his hotel room since he got there. He checks in and goes to her apartment and doesn't leave. He's done this along time and says they are past the whirlwhind part and are in to married couple stage. He hasn't gotten any Pda because they are hiding from any HR exposure. Doubt I'll get it. He goes to her aparment and they are holed in probably watching the shows we used to watch. He has documention that his car is there (even though it's parked not in her spot) but no documentation of them coming or going. they are being super careful. This is horrible.

I'd guess Steve thinks your H has a better shot of leaving, by finding something else quickly, with his reputation intact.

He most certainly will need to leave the job for recovery.

Yes I know. But you have the gunpowder you need for your exposure now.

You are also safe from trickle truthing and lies.

I will say that the PI's findings are not really a surprise to me.

Your WH is giving up so much and he is in tears over it. You don't do that when a mistress is still in the fun-and-compliant, 'why not have us both' stage. She's probably gotten very naggy and demanding.

Ok, there you go. You have your evidence. I would start planning out your exposure now. Start gathering exposure target names and writing out your exposure letters, using the templates in my exposure thread.

When is he flying back? And how many hours will it take for him to fly home?

Do you have a babysitter you can leave the kids with for the evening of his return?

SFL, please start listening to the people who are trying to help you and set aside your plan to put off exposure. Too much time has already been wasted.

I am going to be gone for the afternoon, but I sure hope you let MelodyLane help you!

DO NOT LET ON TO HIM THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIS AFFAIR. NOT A WORD TO HIM UNTIL HE COMES HOME THIS WEEKEND.

My suggestion would be to launch a nuclear exposure for this weekend, timed with his flight home. You don't want him to find out until he has landed at your town.

By the time he gets home, he will know about your exposure because the OW will have been blowing up his phone. When he gets home, you tell him you have had him followed and know all about his affair. You know he is staying with the OW.

Tell him you will give him a chance if he ends his affair and leaves his job. Tell him you have a plan to create a romantic, passionate marriage but he must end his affair and leave his job. Tell him you will give him 30 days to leave that job or you will expose it to the HR department and the other key executives at his company.

If he takes you up on that offer, you must figure out a plan where you are not apart overnight anymore and he has no access to the OW. He would have to give you access to all of his phones, email, etc. Ideally, he could work from home for the remaining 30 days OR you will have to travel with him.

<------ This. Do this.

I would send this letter to your family and friends. It should go to his parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, your family and close friends:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. WS has recently asked me for a separation, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because he has been carrying on an affair with a coworker named Skanky SueSlut who resides in xxxxxx. I have had him followed by a Private investigator and he flies into Utah, checks into his hotel and then drives to Skanky's home to spend the night. The purpose of the separation is so that he can carry on his affair without my interference.

I want our marriage to recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get him to stop this affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end his affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if he would only end the affair. Please support him in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,

Try to call Skanky's parents so you can speak to them, but if you have to settle for email or facebook message.

FACEBOOK EXPOSURE INSTRUCTIONS

Should be done to the OP�s facebook friends via private message. This is a very, very effective exposure because it is a collection of the OP�s closest friends and family.

SPACE THE PM�S OUT 60 SECONDS APART SO FB DOES NOT SHUT YOU DOWN FOR FLOODING. Before you begin, copy and paste all the contacts into a WORD doc. Change your fb picture to a picture of you and your spouse and children.

YOU WILL LIKELY HAVE TO PAY $1 PER CONTACT OR THEY WILL SEND TO THE TARGET'S SPAM BOX. PAY THE MONEY SO IT GETS TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

Dear friend of Skanky slut:

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of her friends and family should be aware that she is having an affair with my husband, Joe. We have been married for 5 years and have 2 small children. According to a private investigator, my husband flies into Utah, rents a hotel room and then drives to Skanky's home at XXX E Hoe Lane and spends the night with her.

I would ask that you use your influence with OW to persuade her to leave my husband alone. You should also watch your own husbands around her because she is no friend to marriage.

I would appreciate it if someone would notify her parents and ask them to call me at xxx-www-xxxx.

Thank you, BW

In the meantime, go to cheaterville.com and shesahomewrecker.com and post her photo along with your story. When you are blowing up her up this Friday, you can also send her and her contacts the links.