H finally told me he is not coming home. He tried to soften it by telling me how wonderful I've been for our son, and how he knows I will continue to do wonderful things in my life. He likes where he is now and wants to move on and I should do the same. He's sorry I was living with false hope all these months. He thinks I sound strong and like the person he always knew I could be. He is filing for divorce, however not right away (guess it's the money issue) and he told me not to panic. He doesnt want to pull the rug out from under me once again. Gee, is he all heart or what.?? <BR><BR>I am going to be okay I guess. Just have to get thru telling my son. I wonder if H ever has plans to include him in his new life? I've been on a crying jag on and off all day, but as always friends are here for me.<BR><BR>Thanks to all of you for the past months of support, advice and genuine care. I really hope there is a better chance for all of you. I am so disappointed in the man I gave my life to. He has little character, and I think it is all up to me now to show my son how life and loving should be. Wish me luck. I still have a long, scarey road ahead.

(((atw))) you will be fine atw, just fine. You may move onto a new chapter, but you have grown so much, learned so much that you can share in your next chapter and with your son. You diod everything you possibly could, and more. YOu are a wonderful strong person, with a heart of gold!! A heart of love. Will be here anytime you need support or want to share. Maybe we can share some good stories too. E-mail me if you want!! <BR>(((atw)))

ATW<BR>You are going to be fine! You are sounding stronger and more positive and I believe you do have the strength to weather this and come out happy and content. As I've always said....it takes more character and courage to stand and fight than to turn and run. YOU are the one with character and courage here....YOU are the winner in the long run. Your son is also a winner because he has you in his life and as a role model.<P>Romans 8:28 says "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know this isn't the ending you had hoped and prayed for, but if you will trust God and let Him, He will strengthen you and guide you in a way that you will see good things. Also, remember Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Cling to that and know that God will lead you through the valley.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<P><BR>

Please continue to post and tell us how you are doing - I wish you well!!

ATW-<P>I'm sorry for your pain.....And, you're right there is still a scary, long road ahead. But you have gained the strength you need to travel that road and with you there with him, your son will make the journey just fine!!!<P>You have done all you can and that is all any of us can expect of ourselves. We have hung in there and tried to restore our marriages and our H's are the ones who held back on that goal.<P>God has a plan for us all, maybe someday we'll know what and why - but for now we have to realize that we have come out of this knowing that we have followed the right path, we are stronger and we have learned both what our mistakes might have been and what we can do in the future to prevent them. <P>Our H's have not learned this and experienced the self growth and inner strength that has matured us. <P>Try to find comfort in the fact that God is with us on this path and his plan for us is up ahead.<P>A BIG HUG TO YOU!!!!<P>I am on the scary, long road also - perhaps we can walk it together!!!<P>Sheba

Oh AW, I'm so sorry. Maybe you can have some closure now. It's not the answer you wanted, but at least you know what that answer is. It must have been difficult all of these months not knowing what was going to happen. I think it was very selfish of him to keep you hanging on that way. In any case, I hope that you can move on and channel that energy into someone who deserves it...YOU!!!!! To reiterate what the other's have said, you sound stronger and you will be fine! <P>Hopefully you can have some solace in knowing how many people you've helped here with your kind words. You've been a valuable asset to this place and we all hope that you'll stay.<P>God bless you AW. You'll be in my prayers!<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller

AtW - I know how badly you are feeling right now. My H said the same words just two weeks ago "I am not coming back" and they still haunt me. Also got the "you are a wonderful person and mom" bit - well I know that already! And so do you AtW! You are strong, you will be fine, you will have real ups and downs, but they will be your own - not in response to your H. You may feel like you hung on a long time - but you know you did the best you could, and what you felt you needed to do.<P>Like you, I feel I must be strong for my 2 sons. H is taking a real interest in being a big part of their lives - and if that includes OW that is another hurdle I will need to get over. But regardless, we will both come out of this OK - even better for all we have learned.<P>hugs,<BR>Starpony

Against,<P>I am so sorry to hear your news. How great that you are so strong at this time.<P>Please email me. I'd like to talk more.<P>I just don't know what else to say.<P>Love and hugs,<BR>teach

ATW,<BR> I'm so very sorry that things worked out this way, but I'm also glad that you are no longer having to wait and wonder.<BR> I do think that there must be something wrong with your H to have just totally written off your son the way he has.<BR> Anyway, I agree with the others here; you are one incredibly strong lady, and you WILL have a good life.

ATW:<P>I guess after all these months there's some irony in that we both got the news the same day. I'm so sorry for you and for me too.<P>I'm sure after we're done grieving we'll be much better off. What jerks they have become.

I'm so sorry. He's just chasing the wind and he will never find it. You have done what you could and have blessings ahead of you.

Double post<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ATW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>[This message has been edited by Lor (Lor) (edited August 19, 1999).]

oh AtW,<BR> so so sorry [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img]<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{AtW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

ATW,<BR> So sorry to hear about your latest stab to the heart.Sometimes I wonder if marriage is worth it.When my W told me that I was a good husband,but she fell in love with somebody else,it broke my heart in a million pieces.But you have your son to live for,now.Try to show him life is'nt always bitter.Could be your H is feeling too guilty right now to see his son.It would also remind him of his"old"life.My W is doing the same thing.I did'nt know people could be so callous.But you know,my sister has been raising two kids on her own for several years,and she's become a very strong survivor.I did'nt realize how strong she was until all this happened to me.Maybe we'll both be stronger after going through this.Try to eat right,get plenty of sleep,take some long walks,and take care. --Murph

Dear ATW,<P>I'm praying God gives you a peace that passes all understanding. I'm also praying for your son, that God the Father will be the father to the fatherless.<P>May God bless you with a faith that will guide you peacefully although you know not where you are headed. <P>He does have plans for us, and they are plans for a future - a good future. Expect it, and look for it. Ask Him to reveal it to you. He will show you. <P>You will not be forgotten.

ATW:<P>As always, you're in my prayers. The strength and dedication to your marriage will serve you in the future---you're an inspiration to a lot of people here. And personally---your one of my heros!<P>God bless.

I am so sorry, but I do have good news, God knows how to lead us up to crisis, and He knows how to lead us through. The most brilliant colors of plants are to be seen on the highest mountains, in spots that are most exposed to the wildest weather. Trials give brightness and blessing to life. I see only brightness and blessings for you and your son.<P>God Bless

I don't know how I can thank all of you. Your words of encouragement mean so much to me. This is like having extended family. I do feel stronger, and I have a sense of relief now that I am no longer in limbo. It was not the outcome I had hoped for for so long a time, but time heals.<BR><BR>I am sure I will still be lurking here and posting once in awhile. Love to you all

(((((ATW)))))<P>I am sorry things did not come about the way we all had hoped. This turn of events seems to be happening more often does it not? You WILL be okay... and so will your son. I understand how hard it has been to watch his reaction to all of this. He will deal with it in his own way though, and someday he will make his peace with his father; that will be between them. Time really does heal all, eventually, and I hope that it happens at least as quickly for you as it has - is happening - for me. My prayers are with you, and if you ever need to write the address is out there. Take care....<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P><BR>

Dear ATW,<P>Haven't posted for a while. I am sorry things could not work out for you. That way for me too I'm afraid. H been gone and living with her for 5 months now. So sign of ever reconciling. The longer it goes, the stronger I get. But I never wanted to get strong this way. I wanted our life back. I don't think you or I or anyone that truly loved will ever get over it. Someday he may be fighting the same rejection he has dealt to me. There are days I hope for that, but it is such a waste of my energy. I look forward to the day when I can just not even think about him.<P>My best to you and your son. I know you had a long marriage as I did. It is hard to put life into perspective somedays. I still miss and love him (the old him). I must remind myself (and you must too) that they are not the same person we were married to or in love with.<P>Mine has yet to file for a D and I think it is also the money factor, but I am certain he will. He has made it very clear to family and friends he will never come back to me and has also told me.<P>Sigh and hugs to you.