Yep, continue to snoop. These are the signs of an affair that has gone underground, to pacify you.

AM

MM2,
We here are helping you maintain some objective perspective.

Note both your husband and this hooch have all along attempted to help you 'feel good' so you no longer have presence of mind and consistently have you 'settle in' to the little stories they are feeding you. And why is she continuing to contact you if your husband has asked her to leave him alone?

This is a shift. I'm glad you are beginning to wake up. You need to be strong and quietly snoop while plan A ing your husband as you are. Check out the 'operation investigate' forum for help w/snooping or read MelodyLane's thread for specific steps. And if this woman has a facebook account, copy all her contacts and maintain in a safe place before she shuts you out.

I am new here also. I am going through something similar, but its myself who has the friendship outside. The difference is me and my hubby are having problems. My male friend is a good distraction for me right now. Married 20 years together for 25 years. Husband has greatly disappoint me, by being a people pleaser and putting others first. I feel unloved, unimportant and not honoured as a wife.

I am lonely and unhappy and as a Christian now have a great connection with a Muslim Man at work who makes me happy and smile again. I am lost and don't know what to do. I really love this guy. The guy want a relationship, but I told him I cannot cheat its not in me. He is upset about that. Sometimes I don't think it is fear to have a relationship with one person. To die knowing one man, and there are other men who can make you happier than you are.

My husband is my first and only love from teenagers. I know no other man. We have 2 children. Help!!!!!I have deep feelings for him. If things was right at home my heart will not be outside. My husband is not happy about our relationship but he do not want to change either. He does not listen to me.

You should tell your husband of your affair and END it.
You and you alone are responsible for YOUR actions.
You have very poor boundaries around men and are behaving very selfishly.

Passionate,
Welcome to MB! I'd suggest starting your own thread under "Surviving an Affair."

Its very easy to deceive yourself. This is how I interpret your introduction.

-My husband and I are having problems
-I feel entitled to use this OM as a distraction because X
-I'm no longer in love with my husband
-OM makes me happy, my husband makes me sad
-I love OM
-I'm rethinking my entire value system
-The thought of being with OM is very exciting
-My husband does not seem to care anyway

The relationship w/OM is a fantasy. Please end it. There are better ways to help your marriage, yourself, and your children's welfare.

When a man asks a married woman to 'have a relationship' it's because he thinks she is a bit stupid but will do for a bit of fun.

This man is laughing at you and wouldn't even consider you if you were single. His family and faith would not accept you. However because you are married and a bit unhappy he sees you as an easy mark.

He is not complimenting you. He is spitting in your face to suggest you are such a fool.

Tell your husband immediately so he can help protect you from this cretin and build a happier marriage.

You should also inform your friends wife and family that he is a disgusting predator on the lookout for bored wives.



I doubt your husband is very happy either. All your energies go into finding other men to admire/insult you.

It's highly unlikely you are a good wife.

Oh, I know at least one other marriage on this site that was nearly destroyed by exactly that happening. The couple are back together now but the wife converted to Islam.


But you are already cheating. Getting your emotional need for conversation met by another man is cheating just as much as meeting an emotional need for sex. Having another man be your best friend is cheating just as much as having sex. And all of this is just as damaging to marriage as having sex.

As a Christian, don't you know that sin is in all of us? Don't you know that cheating is in all of us? Any one of us is capable of adultery. You are like a teenager taking drugs or playing chicken and thinking that they are immune from getting hurt.

From the way you write it sounds like you've already decided to have relations with the Muslim man and are trying to talk yourself out of it. But you are addicted to him and you won't be able to talk yourself out of it. As a Christian, the solution is given to us:
http://biblehub.com/james/5-16.htm
Confess your emotional affair to your husband. Then, if your husband is not willing to work on your marriage, come back here and ask for help with the next step.

All of us sinners like to try to tell ourselves that it's not so bad, like you are doing here. The truth is it is devastating. Even if your husband wanted to change your marriage could never be saved while you have an addiction to another man.

Okay, then get a divorce and find a man who can make you happy. You don't need to hurt your husband or get revenge on him - just get away from him and get what you need. Divorcing would be far kinder to him and to the kids than having an affair. Plus, you could find a much better man, one who is not so low down that he wants to get into the pants of another man's wife. You could find a man who could make you happy long term, one for whom you are something more than a cheap thrill.

To keep your husband waiting in the wings while you throw yourself at another man is cruel to him. No matter how bad of a husband he is, he does not deserve this.

Is this co-worker married?

He makes you happy and you are proud enough of your illicit relationship with this man that you are posting about it all over the board. I guess the only problem is how much it's going to hurt your husband and your children. And probably you after the guy finally gets what he's looking for and is done with you.

A better solution would be to use the steps in this program to try to restore romantic love in your marriage. It will require an absolute commitment by you to NOT let other men meet your emotional needs and a commitment by your husband to learn to meet those needs. If your husband won't make that commitment then Dr. Harley usually recommends a separation - either your husband at that points decides to do what it takes to have a real marriage with you where you make each other happy, or you eventually divorce him and are free to find someone who is willing to do what it takes. The program works for YOU either way.

What won't work for you is building a life with a skirt chaser at work.

Will your husband post here?

There is no such thing as opposite-sex friendship rules, opposite-sex friendships should not exist with a married couple.

And I agree with the other here that you should keep snooping because they are probably just hiding their "friendship" now.

And the other person who is unhappy in her marriage, try to do something about other than having an affair......