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Marriage Builders Forums Infidelity In Recovery Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS

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Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS black_raven #2813066 08/03/14 05:18 PM
Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 3,066 Mid-Florida E Everthesame Member
Everthesame Member E Joined: Jan 2012 Posts: 3,066 Mid-Florida	What I noticed from reading through older threads (01-04 or so) was that some posters were given terrible advice. Definitely not the MB advice given today. That May or may not apply to CV55. But I'm glad that Marriagebuilders has changed a lot since then!

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS black_raven #2813069 08/03/14 05:42 PM
Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas M MelodyLane Member
MelodyLane Member M Joined: Apr 2001 Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 Texas	Originally Posted by black_raven Does anyone know when the park thing was? Here is her last post about going to the scene of the crime: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=158484&Number=2377306#Post2377306 "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS MelodyLane #2813088 08/03/14 06:45 PM
Joined: May 2008 Posts: 2,589 Mountains A armymama Member
armymama Member A Joined: May 2008 Posts: 2,589 Mountains	The last paragraph of that post sums it up. It's just another story of people not following MB principles, but "playing chicken in the street". Just the thought of my H being in the same location as OW makes me nauseous. Eliminating conditions that made the affair possible and taking extraordinary precautions are definitely the steps to take to recover a marriage. AM BW - 70 WH - 65 M - 35 years D-day - 17 Apr 08 H broke contact 11/1/09 Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS MelodyLane #2813093 08/03/14 09:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2012 Posts: 1,093 F FightTheFight Member
FightTheFight Member F Joined: Nov 2012 Posts: 1,093	Originally Posted by MelodyLane In other words, it is not the program that is flawed, but the wayward spouse. The program can't be faulted for the non-cooperation of a wayward spouse. I'm not blaming the program at all. That said, you are right, this is a totally separate issue from what CV55 is talking about. CV55, the reason you are getting all of this "negative" kind of feedback is because what you have described is not what Dr Harley or the MB program would prescribe for your situation or any affair situation really. No contact for life is a pretty big deal, and you don't have it. Surely you wouldn't recommend that for anyone else coming here for advice? Me (42) Her (43) - feuillecouleur DS(11) DD(7) Married: June 24, 2000 Recovered

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS MelodyLane #2813155 08/04/14 11:56 AM
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 P Prisca Member
Prisca Member P Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3	Originally Posted by MelodyLane Originally Posted by black_raven Does anyone know when the park thing was? Here is her last post about going to the scene of the crime: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=158484&Number=2377306#Post2377306 That's sad to read Markos' Wife FWW - EA 8 kids ... What to do with an Angry Husband

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS Prisca #2813230 08/04/14 04:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 3,342 C CV55 OP Member
OP CV55 Member C Joined: Jan 2004 Posts: 3,342	edit Last edited by Denali; 08/04/14 04:36 PM. Reason: TOS disrespectful

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS CV55 #2813233 08/04/14 04:38 PM
Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 P Prisca Member
Prisca Member P Joined: Mar 2010 Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3	Quote The assumption is that the A was some great love affair. In reality, an affair is nothing more than an illusion. I knew my H would be miserable with the OW. She was a drama queen and he hates drama. Plus he is a good guy who went terribly wrong. He doesn't want to be with her anymore or walk down that path again. He told me more than once if he could persuade anyone who was thinking of having an A not to he would. So what feels great is that I'm not living my life in constant fear of "What if my H happens to see OW?" Now if he was actively looking for her that would be another story. If he saw her and spoke to her, that would not work for me. As H said after I described this discussion, "moving out of town doesn't necessarily protect you from an A. There's the internet, cell phones, all sorts of ways to have an A." As I said in my 2nd post, I decided early on if I was going to stay Med to this man I wasn't going to be a private defective for the rest of my life. You do not understand the addictive nature of an affair or the OP. Markos' Wife FWW - EA 8 kids ... What to do with an Angry Husband

Re: Offering a little hope from 10 year post-A BS CV55 #2813234 08/04/14 04:38 PM
Joined: Jan 2014 Posts: 217 D Denali Administrator Member
Denali Administrator Member D Joined: Jan 2014 Posts: 217	A reminder that the purpose of this forum is to help others recover their marriages using Dr. Harley's concepts. It is not a platform to promote personal philosophies that Dr. Harley does not endorse. Since this thread seems to have turned into exactly that, we will lock the thread. Any questions, please email me privately. MBDenali@gmail.com

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