|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
And get to your doctor and talk to him about antidepressants.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
What I usually wanted to do was pitch a fit and demand reciprocation from Prisca. Of course we know that goes over like a lead balloon. All it does is make the problem worse. But I'm not doing that. As far as I know you had some pretty serious issues to overcome namely an anger problem. I don't have that problem. In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? And of course, once Prisca was finally on board and reciprocating, my enthusiasm for lots of things went way up. I'd say that was a pretty big piece of the puzzle.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
What I usually wanted to do was pitch a fit and demand reciprocation from Prisca. Of course we know that goes over like a lead balloon. All it does is make the problem worse. But I'm not doing that. As far as I know you had some pretty serious issues to overcome namely an anger problem. I don't have that problem. In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? I didn't say you were. But there were more steps to do than just not have an angry outburst: I did find that I had to stop some activities - sometimes I would discover that I wasn't so enthusiastic about something I was doing as I thought I would be, and it was causing resentment. It became very important for me to avoid doing things that would cause resentment, or doing things in circumstances that would cause resentment. Ultimately I had to make sure that the things I was doing to make love bank deposits were sustainable. I had to learn to bring my Giver into play in ways that did not upset my Taker. I had to adjust over time and replace sacrificial activities with caring activities that did not cause me to feel resentful. And of course, once Prisca was finally on board and reciprocating, my enthusiasm for lots of things went way up.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? You have had trouble with disrespect, as well as coming across as demanding. Your wife seems to have a high need for Admiration. Given that, disrespect is about the worst thing you could do to her.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? You have had trouble with disrespect, as well as coming across as demanding. Your wife seems to have a high need for Admiration. Given that, disrespect is about the worst thing you could do to her. But I've addressed those complaints and overcome that long ago.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? You have had trouble with disrespect, as well as coming across as demanding. Your wife seems to have a high need for Admiration. Given that, disrespect is about the worst thing you could do to her. But I've addressed those complaints and overcome that long ago. This is an area where I would recommend continuing to be over-vigilant. A wife in withdrawal will not let you know when you are coming across as disrespectful or demanding, or she may feel that her emotional reaction to something you say is a failing on her part and not mention it to you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? You have had trouble with disrespect, as well as coming across as demanding. Your wife seems to have a high need for Admiration. Given that, disrespect is about the worst thing you could do to her. But I've addressed those complaints and overcome that long ago. Is she supposed to get over it on your time scale?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
I do understand where you are coming from but I'm just telling you that if anybody is over-vigilant it's me.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
I'm sorry to hear that, FtF. My understanding was that you guys had finally been able to move out and get into a situation where Dr. Harley thought you could rebuild your relationship. I thought that was a great reason for optimism. There is always one more thing. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. But I'm not going to be the one to constantly study ways to make her happier any more. It's been over a week since we were supposed to start the SF lesson. Not a peep. It's been two weeks now since she last posted on the forum. This post can come across as very demanding and disrespectful. I would feel pressured and put down if I were your wife and read this.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Will you visit your doctor?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
In fact, I can't really think of anything for my wife to complain about that I either do or do not do? Can you? You have had trouble with disrespect, as well as coming across as demanding. Your wife seems to have a high need for Admiration. Given that, disrespect is about the worst thing you could do to her. But I've addressed those complaints and overcome that long ago. Is she supposed to get over it on your time scale? Get over what? Do you have any evidence that she is harboring resentments from something I have done to her or not done for her? Maybe she is, but she isn't saying anything about it.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
But I've addressed those complaints and overcome that long ago. Is she supposed to get over it on your time scale? Get over what? Do you have any evidence that she is harboring resentments from something I have done to her or not done for her? Maybe she is, but she isn't saying anything about it. Your disrespect and demands.
Last edited by Prisca; 08/05/14 12:43 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
I'm sorry to hear that, FtF. My understanding was that you guys had finally been able to move out and get into a situation where Dr. Harley thought you could rebuild your relationship. I thought that was a great reason for optimism. There is always one more thing. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. But I'm not going to be the one to constantly study ways to make her happier any more. It's been over a week since we were supposed to start the SF lesson. Not a peep. It's been two weeks now since she last posted on the forum. This post can come across as very demanding and disrespectful. I would feel pressured and put down if I were your wife and read this. Really? I don't see that I demanded anything at all. It's just a statement and there was surely no punishment explicit or implied because I didn't ask for anything in the first place.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
I'm sorry to hear that, FtF. My understanding was that you guys had finally been able to move out and get into a situation where Dr. Harley thought you could rebuild your relationship. I thought that was a great reason for optimism. There is always one more thing. I don't plan on leaving any time soon. But I'm not going to be the one to constantly study ways to make her happier any more. It's been over a week since we were supposed to start the SF lesson. Not a peep. It's been two weeks now since she last posted on the forum. This post can come across as very demanding and disrespectful. I would feel pressured and put down if I were your wife and read this. Really? I don't see that I demanded anything at all. It's just a statement and there was surely no punishment explicit or implied because I didn't ask for anything in the first place. She has not started the SF lesson, she has not posted in 2 weeks, so you are therefore not going to study how to make her happy anymore. You are going to give up. Sounds like punishment to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
Your disrespect and demands. Do you have any evidence that she is harboring resentments from something I have done to her or not done for her? Maybe she is, but she isn't saying anything about it.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
Do you have any evidence that she is harboring resentments from something I have done to her or not done for her? Maybe she is, but she isn't saying anything about it. Evidence: 1. You have been disrespectful and demanding 2. You continue to be 3. Your wife has a high need for Admiration, making these things more devastating than they would be to the average person. 4. Your wife is reluctant to have sex due to a sexual aversion
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
She has not started the SF lesson, she has not posted in 2 weeks, so you are therefore not going to study how to make her happy anymore. You are going to give up. I can see how it could be interpreted that way. Sounds like punishment to me. I don't agree that me dropping the whole thing would feel like punishment to my wife.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
Do you have any evidence that she is harboring resentments from something I have done to her or not done for her? Maybe she is, but she isn't saying anything about it. Evidence: 1. You have been disrespectful and demanding 2. You continue to be 3. Your wife has a high need for Admiration, making these things more devastating than they would be to the average person. 4. Your wife is reluctant to have sex due to a sexual aversion 1. My wife does not have a sexual aversion. 2. I disagree that I am disrespectful and demanding to my wife and that I continue to be.
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
I don't agree that me dropping the whole thing would feel like punishment to my wife. Another DJ. You don't know what she feels or thinks.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
827
guests, and
50
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
