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No, we don't have anybody to babysit. And with money tight she won't.
2 days ago she wanted to move, and now she won't even give me the time of day, unless it's something with the kids.
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Yesterday went great, until the night, she just wanted to be left alone, and I gave her that. I went and smoked, and she came a few minutes later, and said I want to be honest, if he came here I'd punch him in the face, then I don't know what I would do, I would probably go with him. Well that is what started it, I said that's natural to feel that way. I asked her if I could text him and just say to stay away, she got mad at that, and said you need to let me deal with this the way she needs too. Everything was fine a few minutes later. We went to bed, did our thing. Said I love you, and went to bed. Then today, she said what I told you.
Do I just back off right now?
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No, we don't have anybody to babysit. And with money tight she won't.
2 days ago she wanted to move, and now she won't even give me the time of day, unless it's something with the kids. I'm sure if you could arrange babysitting and a date that will build some deposits. Is there a couple you can swap babysitting with? How old and how many kids do you have?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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4, all young, no, she lost all her friends over this that all had kids.
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The above has been done via text, with her number changed shortly after.
So if no counciling, what is the next step? Sir, you posted that you already sent a No Contact letter (see above). Yet today you posted that you offered to send one to OM and your wife got angry? I'm confused. Has a No Contact letter been sent to OM? If so, there should be no further contact between your wife and him. Don't offer to send text messages to him.
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Sir, this is what you need to focus on. Tell your wife that in order to feel safe in this marriage, you feel that these Extraordinary Precautions should be followed: No I don't have the book, yes, sent to both, and I will listen to the clip now Sir, if she sent the NC letter to both men and you HAVE exposed her affairs to family and friends then the next step is to implement EXtraordinary Precautions, which you must both commit to following. From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67
The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.
These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.
Checklist for How Affairs Should End
_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:
_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
_____Spend leisure time together.
_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.
_____Avoid overnight separation.
_____Allow technical accountability.
_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.
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4, all young, no, she lost all her friends over this that all had kids. I'm glad that she did. This means that the women don't want her around their husbands and starting affairs with them. One thing that would help you a LOT is a two week vacation, just the two of you. Is there any way you can arrange that?
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So there has been no contact, since last Thursday. The past 3or 4 days my ww has been saying she loves me, and wants to work through this. That she is commited, and will do anything to make things right.
Now today, she is saying that she is not 100% commited, and don't think we should continue. She says it has nothing to do with him. Is this just part of the withdraw talking? What do I do? What are you doing to make sure the affair hasn't gone further underground? Because saying she is in love with you for a few days and suddenly saying she does not is a red flag that there has been C, it is possible that it is even one-sided C such as looking at either of the OM's FB accounts or old emails etc. And please don't tell me you "know there is NC". Tell me exactly HOW you know that. Do you have keyloggers/spyware on all of her computers/phones/devices? Has she closed all social networking? Are you spending most of your free time together or are there gaps of times when she is off doing something and you don't know what she's up to? Do you have GPS on her car? I hope you will answer ALL of these questions.
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No key logger, all we have are phones. No gps on car, but on phone. Social networks were closed until today, and it was aferr it all happened we have spent all the time together for a week except today, she took an hour walk, and took my daughter to school orientation. Her phone has been ascecable to me at all times, and hasn't once been hidden.
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No key logger, all we have are phones. No gps on car, but on phone. Social networks were closed until today, and it was aferr it all happened we have spent all the time together for a week except today, she took an hour walk, and took my daughter to school orientation. Her phone has been ascecable to me at all times, and hasn't once been hidden. Do you have spyware on her phone? What do you mean "until today" social networks were closed?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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It's all been closed, and today I opened it, and gave her the pass word. But I am logged on it on my phone too, and closely moirering it. No soy where, but I have only a limited amount of numbere that can call and text, I have her phone restricted through my phone provider, and the only cals and texts that can come through are from her family school and drs..
Last edited by Jo6; 08/15/14 09:23 PM.
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No key logger, all we have are phones. No gps on car, but on phone. Social networks were closed until today, and it was aferr it all happened we have spent all the time together for a week except today, she took an hour walk, and took my daughter to school orientation. Her phone has been ascecable to me at all times, and hasn't once been hidden. Sir, there should be NO social networks for the remainder of your marriage. Have you read anything that is posted to you? You need to establish extraordinary precautions!
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I got teen safe, but it does no good, her phone hasn't been backed up in monthes
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Welp she went and got d papers, and made the decision in one night, after saying all week she wanted to fix our relationship.
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I got teen safe, but it does no good, her phone hasn't been backed up in monthes What does this mean? Teensafe only works if the phone has been back up? If it doesn't work then you need to put different spyware on the phone. Like I said, I strongly believe contact (possibly one-way contact) has been made.
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It's all been closed, and today I opened it, and gave her the pass word. But I am logged on it on my phone too, and closely moirering it. Why did you ignore the advice that was posted to you regarding this?
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Welp she went and got d papers, and made the decision in one night, after saying all week she wanted to fix our relationship. I would just tell her, in a kind way, that you are willing to work with her to create a loving romantic marriage but she must permanently end her affair and follow a program of recovery. Did you get the book Surviving an Affair? I think the affair is still active.
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I did take the advice, but she was going to get it back anway ways and change the password. Which she did anaways.
I just don't understand the things she told me for a week, how she does love me, and wants to work through this, and now 2 days later she has that look in her eyes agian, and said she was just confused because I was the only one here for her. I talked to his wife, and he doesn't even have his phone, and she installed spyware on it, and there is nothing.
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Yes I started reading the book, and she just says I'm wasting my time reading it, and she went and got divorce papers, which she did not tell me about yet, she did it today, and I found them in her car when she went on her walk.
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I did take the advice, but she was going to get it back anway ways and change the password. Which she did anaways.
I just don't understand the things she told me for a week, how she does love me, and wants to work through this, and now 2 days later she has that look in her eyes agian, and said she was just confused because I was the only one here for her. I talked to his wife, and he doesn't even have his phone, and she installed spyware on it, and there is nothing. Sir, a cheater can buy an affair phone from WalMart for $5. Taking away someone's phone is not proof that the affair is over.
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