He has seen the kids, there was a birthday party/ grad party for some of them Saturday. I saw him as well, he admitted he never wanted this. He said he's misarable, he regrets it and does not know why he started talking to her this time and that if he went back to 3rd shift she would start talking to him again. I don't know if he thinks 1st shift is his option?!? His closest friend has told him to just find another job and get back to his family. He said it's all everyone at work is taling about, and they all think he's screwed up. Last time at first he said no one said anything but much later it came out they did.

So now that the party is over Plan B is in effect. I'm having a harder time than last finding an IM. Can I do this without one? Once the money and visitation is set up, what is left to discuss? If he can't make it he could text one of my older 4.

Also if he wants to come back, he will have to find a new job, do I let him com back while he switches to 1st and give him 30 days to find a new job? He honestly has no place to go, no family or anything and there's no money for a hotel. He would be sleeping on the streets, he could not look for a job while living with her because she will follow him if she knows where he's at she's done it to several other men she's did this with.

I would find an intermediary asap and go into Plan B. Once he leaves that job and ensures all contact is ended, you can let him come back. Don't even consider letting him come back until he is out of there because he will then lose all motivation to leave. You can't be in contact with him as long as he still works there. Don't make that mistake again!


This is not your problem. He is a grown man who can figure it out himself. Once he gets a new job, THEN he can come back.

Ok. I gave him my letter. I found it very hard to write from the heart. Last time it was long and from the heart. This time I copied one that was posted earlier. I have him blocked from everything. New locks, he knows when to see the kids and like last time he wants them no where near her anyway.

He will see them Saturday 12-5 and sunday 12-2. My older kids have agreed to help get the little ones to him, but they said they don't want to go everytime and my 15 yo daughter said she does not want to see him at all.

I'm ready for this. I will keep looking for an IM. Oh, I also allowed him to call the kids on his lunchbreak each night. Is that ok? It's right before their bedtime and it seems to help espeacially my 5yo. My 12yo can answer and watch over the call. I know the time so I don't have to be anywhere nearby.

Good job! And that is fine to let him call the kids. How is he planning on picking up the kids? Does he have a vehicle?

Your a rock star! You already know you can do this. Stick with it and don't settle for less than what you deserve.

Yay!!

He does not have a vehichle. She let him use her car saturday. It's a vw bug. No way he can fit even the younger 5. We have our full size van in the driveway. He's more than welcome to use it. But he's only getting 40-50 a week and it takes a lot of gas and needs a tie rod before he can drive it. He may park up the road and take them to the park a couple blocks away.

I wouldn't let him use the van.
That is too accomodating. If he wants to abandon his family for an affair these are things he will need to figure out.

I don't know if I can stop him, if he really wants to. It's not the van I use and it's titled in his name. I'm not going to let him use my van though.

Have you found an IM yet?

You are way too tied into his life and personal problems and will be running on anxiety fumes pretty soon.

You should have a SOLID Plan B and a neutral IM for him to communicate with after you finalize the child custody times.

LTL

No I haven't found an IM, but money and visitation have been decided and he's blocked from contacting me. There's really nothing else he would need to contact me about. Hopefully by the end if the week I'll have found one.

Have you contacted your lawyer yet?

Yes, I do. On Friday. My kids go back to school tomorrow, so I'll only need to bring the baby.

Good it sounds like you're doing everything right.

How is your self care?

I'm getting by. It should hopefully be a little easier when the kids are in school. I'll have an hour after dropping of my 4yo at preschool where the baby will be sleeping and I can have time to myself. I'm hoping after this weeks BTS activities are done with I can start working out, that helped me 100 times more than the AD's the dr prescribed the first time did.

Good, exercising is very good for you.

How are the kids doing? Is WH staying with OW?

The older ones are ok. The younger ones are acting up a lot. Everyday my 7yo checks to see if her dad is in bed when she tells the 3 & 5yo no the 5 yo runs under the table and the 4yo says he'll be back tomorrow, I think. They haven't cried at bedtime the past 2 nights, but it's really hard on them. I assume he is, he has no where else to go and no way to get anywhere. He's pretty dependent on her.

Are you documenting this in a hand written journal?

No, I never thought to. I guess that's a good idea. I'll start doing that.