She has been able to juggle two affairs and a husband! If that isnt irrational thinking I dont know what is!

So let me ask this question, do I stop telling her I love you, like she requested? She says it just makes it harder on her, and makes her resent me.

Yes, if she asks you to stop then stop.
If you cant say you love her, find a way to show it.

Well I got the truth, she is holding on to him in hopes his marriage fails. She doesn't believe he doesn't love her, she has a feeling that he is being forced to stay. She blames no contact on me, saying because I restricted his number from her phone. I told her, well if that was me, and I had those feelings that he told you, I'd be beating on your door scooping you out of there, or I would have used sombody else phone.
She believes he loves her, and she is holding to that.
I told her it's funny, you have a man that truely loves you sitting right in front of you, and your holding onto a hope that he's going to come back. Her reply was I just don't love you, it has nothing to do with him. Funny, cause that contradicts what she originally said.
How do I get her to let him go?

Sir, you are wasting your breath in having these conversations with her.

I'm pretty sure it's over, I can't get anything from her at all, unless it's something to do with my kids. Nothing I do seems like it matters to her, she is back to being unreasonable, and sleeping on the couch. She keeps reminding me she will be happy once she is not married to me any more. I don't know how much more I can take, I'm just being beat to death, and can't handle it much more. Hopefully in the future, we can reconcile, but I doubt she will ever want to. She filled out papers, and they are awaiting my signatures, and until she finds the money to have them filed. How long can I expect a no fault divorce to take?

There is a list of Do's and Don'ts for Plan A, I can't find them.
But the DON'T list includes being needy or clingy, repeated saying I love you, helping with divorce process, etc.
The do list is being the best at being a husband, inviting her to do stuff, no outbursts or lovebusters, etc.

Of course nothing you do will matter, she is in the fog and addicted!

In Plan A you look/be the better option, assuming you have exposed. It is a gut busting, pride swallowing, hardest thing you will ever do time. You dont talk about divorce, you dont talk about the relationship. You transform into a calm, cool, better husband/father and you make it real and stick.
You will not be able to meet many of her needs, as she is getting them somewhere else. You find away to meet them other ways, acts of service, etc.

Plan B is completely different.

Too much of your focus is on what she thinks and what she is saying. Not upon your own actions.

The mind of a wayward turns into mush until NC has been in place for weeks and withdrawal from the high is over. You're effectively trying to talk to the town drunk.

It doesn't matter what the drunk person says or does during the period of drunkeness. As long as you are doing all you can to dry up the source of alcohol, who cares what she thinks? Waywards don't remember half of what they have said during this period. They don't even clearly remember your Plan A, they are just left with an impression you were warm, kind and calm during a very confusing period.

Why on earth would you sign for a divorce you don't want?! She doesn't even have the money so why does she have the forms?

No fault??!! Are you kidding me? What a massively uncaring gesture that would be if you were to sign your marriage away as lost property; no hearts even bruised according to the paperwork.

Waywards love to talk divorce but rarely file due to the fact reality, cash, parenting etc get in the way of the fantasy. Not to mention the fact the affair was never supposed to become their only source of needs in life, just because they can't give it up. She's trying to feed her affair with the same food that gave it life: talking about her problems with you. The problem is you've eliminated the problems and have started being nice. However if she can get you to sign a piece of paper agreeing that you don't care, she's back in business.

Just tell her any divorce will be handled by lawyers and you will not be discussing it with her at all.

You should have gotten legal advice any way to protect yourself.

Have you read this? Plan A

Do's
1. Act Happy
2. Get a life (new activities, etc.)
3. repeat over and over..."I will make it"
4. Actively LISTEN....keep conversations "to the point...small talk" ...don't blow it up beyond the waywards current comfort zone and/or ability to logically carry on a conversation. Their mind is elsewhere so you are just trying to keep them in the present.
5. Tend to Agree (Thank you for your truthfulness, It seems that way, you have a point)
6. Expand your social relationships (Being especially aware of your own vulnerability and keeping sharing and time with opposite sex relationships to an absolute minimum)
7. Get sexy (gym, new clothes, new cologne, shower gel, etc)
8. Focus on your strengths and Positives...don't put yourself down verbally or constantly go over what you did wrong
9. Accept Uncertainty (Do your best today and let God take care of tomorrow)
10. Do seek legal advice just in case, this is contingency planning

DON'Ts

1. Repeatedly say "I love you"
2. Ask questions that don't have answers yet
3. Criticize, complain, whine or nag
4. Say, "I've changed"....allow the wayward spouse to simply judge your actions
5. Argue, Reason or Plead
6. Don't get family or friends overly involved in recovery (notice I said "in recovery", EXPOSURE to bust up an active affair IS ESSENTIAL and EXPOSURE to the OP's spouse is an absolute MUST)
7. Act helpless or depressed (it may be hard to imagine this but YOU will make it regardless whereas without you, your spouse won't)
8. Discuss morality, invoke God or Dr. Laura type babble
9. Suggest marital counseling (must be the waywards idea and is usually a waste of time anyway unless it's with the Harley's or a counselor that uses MB materials)
10. Tell them continually "we need to work on the relationship"
11. GIVE UP
12. Help them do anything with the divorce process, let them do all the work on that

That's a good approach. Just say, "My lawyer does the divorce talk, but I do the marriage talk and I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage but you must first end your affair and join me in a program of recovery"

Well here's my down falls, it's so hard for me to not tell her I love you, and I want to work this out, and the past 2 days I have broke down with a few out bursts.
She did ask me to sighn the papers 2 days ago, so she could file them today, hasn't said anything since. I just told her that we need a lawer for all the legal wording, even if it's a shared lawer, that I won't sign anything until then.

Outbursts? Have you been having angry outbursts?

Jo, you simply can't afford emotional displays of any description. You can't afford even one. Each one will drive her very far away. If you are losing it, begging, pleading, telling her what you want or getting angry you need to go to Plan B.

Anti depressants are useful to steady yourself while you Plan A

Sir,

Do not have a "shared lawyer".
Do not discuss divorce with her.
You should only focus on Plan A; NO ANGRY OUTBURSTS

Yes, a few outbursts, but more sticking up for my self.
I was able to do a little snooping today, and she is talking to a girlfriend about it, who was once part of the group, but was liked by few, so was pushed out.
This is basically what was said, we had plans to tell them, then run away, we are in love, but he is being forced to stay by his wife, because threats of her not letting him see the kids. She loves him, and knows he loves her, and the truth will eventually come out on his end and he will leave his wife. There has been no contact made between them, since the night of exposure. She says she just wishes it was the future, and her and I could be divorced already.
She told her she isn't in love with me, and never could be, because her feelings are so strong for him. I think she believes he will return to sweep her off her feet. She needs to let him go!!! So I get out of it, she thinks when we are divorced, that he will make his move. I wish she could realize that it's not going to work, and she is throwing her marriage away for nothing.

Well the past few days have been great. We have been getting along, and I've been trying to treat her like a goddess, without being clingy. No talk about d has been brought up. I hope this might be the start of the road to recovery. I talked to her about ad's last night, and she wants nothing to do with them, says she doesn't feel like she needs them.

The D has been put on hold?

Well, you can stick up for yourself with a baseball bat but it wont help your situation.
There is NO excuse for angry outbursts.
Do you understand this?
Can you control your anger?