Its Monday. She's been there since 530pm. Its 930pm. Kids home alone. Teens.
School night.

Called several times. She didn't pick up . But she sent text saying hold on.

She called back thirty min later at 840pm. We briefly spoke n she's there learning how to embroider hats. Untold her I wasn't comfortable with this. She seemed very agreeable. I said no man or woman would. She understood. Told her to text me when she leaves.its 930pm. She hasn't text . So she's still there. I'm think. Tomorrow going up there n havn a man to man respectful talk with him

Sir, she is not committed to you.
You aren't married.

I have a feeling they may be doing more than just embroidering hats.

Even if they were just embroidering hats........
even if you are not married.........

you can tell her that it is not okay with you as her long time boyfriend. You can tell her that you do not want her spending time alone with another man for any reason.

Then, you will see how devoted she is to you. She will either listen to you and show she is your willing partner or that she wants to live an independant lifestyle which doesn't take your feelings into account.

Then, you decide whether you want to be in the relationship on her terms or not.

Just cause we r nit married doesn't mean we don't have a commitment. We r nearly engaged . December. Been together years. I care for her kids like mine . What do u mean there is no commitment.

She's a woman with a man who loves her n doing all I can to love her n provide n a mom too. N so cause we are not married she can go to a single mans shop for four hrs today four on wed. Four on sat n Sunday and I should not say a word?

You don't just wake up one day married. Its steps. You meet. You date. You get serious and committed. You get engaged. You get married.

I dont believe just cause you are not married there is no commitment. Otherwise no one would be married as there would be no commitment foundation from dating to lead to marriage.

Absolutely correct. You meet someone you like and you decide to spend more time getting to know her. As you do that, you see whether your first impressions were correct. She may have been on her best behavior, you will find that out soon enough.

Over time, if you continue to see her, you will want to gradually migrate from casual dating (freeloader) to a exclusive dating (renter) relationship. As you do this, your conversations will need to get more serious as you probe things like her belief in marriage and commitment. You will also start practicing some important skills like Honesty and Openness and the Policy of Joint Agreement. The idea of this period, which should last at least a year but no more than two, is to interview each other as potential lifetime marriage partners. Any doubt during this time means that the interview process has failed and the relationship is called off.

If she passes the test, your relationship will have passed from renter to buyer. The requirement is that each of you put the other's needs ahead of your own. The evidence of this will be in your marriage vows.

So yes, there is commitment prior to marriage but it is partial. There is an exit available if things are not as they seem. That is one of the reasons why living together before marriage is such a terrible idea; the decision to act as married comes before the commitment is made so the renter relationship becomes entrenched with all the entitlement baggage that goes with that.

Actually.....you do wake up one day married.

Once you take the official vows, that next morning

Voila!

:-)

Her story sounds suspect to me....Agree with the other posters here. Why not ask her to marry you now? Why wait until December?

I think she and the printer guy are emotionally involved. Is she getting paid to help him out?

Kimberly

There is no commitment prior to marriage - there is the renter's agreement. Basically, you are obligated so long as the arrangement is mutually beneficial. If something better comes along, you are free to pursue that.

Successful marriage is a buyer's agreement. You can not slide into a buyer's agreement. What usually happens to people in your situation is that they never reach a buyer's agreement. The renter's mindset persists into the marriage.

Whatever is going on, the bottom line is that you don't have until December to get married, much less engaged. You need to be married now. As long as you are not married, you are leaving the door open for others. Your glacially-slow approach to this relationship probably comes across as a lack of care to your girlfriend. It is not going to be hard for another man to make himself look good compared to that.

I'd run for the hills. Chance are if you marry this broad you are headed towards a life of heartache.