And that's where I am stuck. She wants space though. She is totally confused and needs to try think clearly. However, it drives me nuts if she goes out with friends when she should be figuring out her life.

When a woman says she wants space, this very often indicates an affair. You really need to find out how you can snoop on your wife and find out what she's doing, who she is interested in and talks to.

While you snoop, make sure you eliminate your love busters and reach out to her by having enjoyable light conversations with her, looking and smelling great. Do what you can to meet her ENs without being pushy.

She is interested in hanging with her friends. She isn't having an affair. Even her close friend said to give her the space she needs. Her friend wants her to do the right thing and fix her marriage.

I see your signature, LongWayFromHome - It gives me encouragement.

I guess, its hard to try put on this act when inside i am so deeply hurt and in pain.

But I bet that her close friend has no experiences with creating successful marriages, does she? Her friend wants her to be happy and to do the right thing, but it's likely her friend doesn't understand the reasoning behind snooping and the incredible addition of an affair.

Don't "leave her alone." She will conclude that you don't care about her.

You said you can afford a PI. Why not go ahead and hire one to see what's going on?

What are the friend's credentials in saving marriages? Because I have never seen that "space" did anytning other than destroy marriages. So I would ask for her credentials. How many marriages has she saved? Dr. Harley has saved one or two marriages and he believes that separation only increases the risk of divorce.

If she wants "space" to think clearly, she can go out in the garage or in the bathroom, though. One does not need to move out to "think clearly." But one does need to move out to have an affair.

Sorry, pal, but she is having an affair. We can't help you until you get the goods.

Is there a reason why you would want to act like everything is ok? Do you not care about this?

Your family and friends have much experience with affairs?

Do her coworkers expect them to put on some kind of show?

Listen to yourself seriously. You are showing all the signs of the very common denial that we all went through.

Even though you practically know WHO - you still can't bring yourself to conclude it is THAT.

It was the same for us too. We married nice, moral people. People who abhor affairs. Most of our spouses even tried to end the A at an early stage.

My husband would probably never have believed he would get into an affair. I don't think your wife did either and I think her conscience is suffering a great deal.

You still think it only happens on Jerry Springer. The nutters and the promiscuous are actually in the minority.

Mostly it is just people who slipped down a bit of a moral slope. They can't get up again.

One of the things which confused me was he has always been SO honest. Brutally so. So when he said 'I need space' and 'I only think of you like a friend' - I totally believed him.

I thought everyone here was totally mad when they spotted an affair in less than a minute.

Because they all say that stuff.

Dr H says if a person separates it is usually for the purposes of an affair.

I've been on this board since 2011 and I read your story daily. I've never seen a case where a wife separates from a willing and helpful husband for anything other than an affair.

"I love you but not in love with you" it always means affair. "I need space" and "I need to figure things out" mean affair. "I am confused" means affair.

A wife with a real problem says "Honey I need x,y and z"

I realise things went off the boil in your marriage early - but women can do without sex if things are so-so. She wasn't unhappy to any critical level, she didn't want to leave - until she met some guy. I bet she has even used the word 'catalyst'

Melody Lane has been here over ten and I've never seen her be wrong when she spies an affair.

Why isn't she in the house with you? She can still be not in love with you and remain in the house! She could try and see if some measures help. A woman who has a child with a man and is faithful would TRY.

You don't fix the car by taking it AWAY from the garage.

I guess my gut says she isn't having an affair. My head is back and forth. I've followed her and haven't seen anything yet. I know this other guy is single and is available so i think she would be meeting up with him by now.

Should i tell her its time to come back home?

OF COURSE NOT!! You need to get off your DEAD butt and start snooping before you lose everything. How do we get through to you?

What is she is the type that needs to be separated to realize she wants me?

What if you hired the PI to find out THE TRUTH and stopped sitting there fiddling your thumbs?

You have wasted so much time and the more time that goes by the harder it will be to save your marriage. Sitting there like a lump on a log has availed you NOTHING, other than the situation gets worse with each passing day. I would suggest you need to get off your butt and start fighting for your marriage.

Your complacence reflects a lack of caring that she won't soon forget.

Do you care about and love your wife? If you do, you will start seriously snooping and get the information you need to expose the affair! She is about to make the worst mistake of her life. Don't sit around wringing your hands wondering what to do. Hire a PI and find out!

I would wager that the OM is showing that he cares in many ways while you there in a daze acting like you don't give a crap.

Are you smoking pot? Your attitude reminds me of pot heads.

I really appreciate your comments. Thank you.

So based on her being gone right now, Should i go get her and bring her home?

I think you should read our posts and start taking action based on what we told you.

Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
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Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.
Hire a PI.

I have talked to a PI and is sending me a quote. He mainly will be conducting in her work PI as she works in a hospital and possibly outside of work PI.