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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 114
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OP
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 114 |
My former wayward H's affair ended 1 year 10 months ago. We've been struggling to rebuild the marriage with success and set backs.
It was an 18 month PA. Sex was very, very difficult for me, but has gotten easier with time. We spent about 10 months in coaching with Steve Harley which was awesome, but had to discontinue due to funds. We have been working on meeting each other's EN's.
My problem now is that I'm having a difficult time meeting his sexual fulfillment need because he doesn't really seem interested. He makes comments like "why bother", "you don't really want to anyway" and "so you can check it off the list". I always have to initiate. There was one time where I guess I was a little quiet during and he said "I get it, I hurt you with sex".
What do I do when I'm desperately trying to meet his sexual need, but he won't let me. There have been so many times that he has rejected me or we stopped in frustration and anger.
What can I do? Am guessing my approach is wrong. I know the affair is over. suggestions please
What is he going through?
Is this a form of midlife crisis? I see signs of MLC?
Do I just let him have his space and stop trying to meet his sexual need as often as he says he wants?
Me: BS
DH: WS
Married 20 years no children
DD: Nov 2012
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
How much UA time are you getting? Do you have any spyware installed?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
OK, I am guessing from his comments and your own where you call sex 'his needs' - that enthusiasm on your part is lacking.
It's clear you are enthusiastic about meeting 'his needs' - but that won't really hit the target. You have to create a situation where sex is meeting your own needs to the point your enjoyment is evident.
Think of one of your own high needs he meets - would you want hime to be enjoying himself while doing so? Would it really meet your need if he did not?
Essentially you need to be more selfish! Selflessness doesn't work.
Assuming you have a fully transparent life where a resumption of the A is really ruled out of course.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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