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Joined: Oct 2007
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You were told in the last thread that you could not use the internet anymore.
IGNORED.
Instead you went for talk therapy. Something that MB does not recommend.
I don't appreciate you using this forum to try to win your wife when you are NOT serious about protecting her.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Since she has filed divorce again, I would get divorced and leave her alone...for good. That she took you back so easily tells me she was weak, lonely, grieving...basically a mess at the time. You married her this time with deceit from Day One.
I think you will be doing her a favor to divorce again and leave her alone.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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A person who takes it seriously doesn't continue to do destructive things. You have given yourself permission to continue doing the things that wrecked your marriage. I'm talking about working full time, 4 kids, maintaining a house with a yard and pool myself, fixing our cars myself, dealing with intense money struggles, and trying to have a marriage on top of all that. and then the last month, her being gone all day every day and studying all night so our undivided attention is about 3 hours a week. Where in all of this did you take the marriage seriously? I sure don't see it. A person who takes the recovery of his marriage seriously doesn't rank its priority behind everything else. The reason your marriage is a wreck is because you refuse to take care of it. If you don't take care of your home, it will fall apart in disrepair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Maybe you should go to "therapy" for a few more years and yak about it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 3,197
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This is a testament to how important Plan B is, and not staying friends and letting your WS make an apartment in the garage 
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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This is a testament to how important Plan B is, and not staying friends and letting your WS make an apartment in the garage x 100
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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This is a testament to how important Plan B is, and not staying friends and letting your WS make an apartment in the garage x 100 x10000
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Oh come on, cut the crap. If porn was awful for you to do you wouldn't have done it. If you can't even be honest tobus, who don't know who you are, how do you expect to start living a life of honesty with your wife?
And your excuse for having sex with other women was just as lame. Seeking validation by sleeping with an escort? Give me a break. You will start feeling validated when you earn the right to feel valuable by making good choices in life. And as long as you are using the pool as an excuse for nor having the time for your wife, you are going to get nowhere.
Start taking ritalin and get a grip on your life if you have ADD. You will notice how you all of a sudden have plenty of time on your hands obce you are focussed. Trust me.
Aside from that, the ritalin will just about kill your appetite, so you will lose some weight. That is, assuming that those 240 pounds are not just lean muscle. No way 240 pounds look good.
And do what others recommended, read surviving an affair and actually put it into practice consistently.
me, DH
all the children
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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I am seeing our therapist and my pastor to deal with my lying issues and lust issues respectively. Where in MB does it say that a serial cheating spouse who is addicted to their SSL and porn should see a therapist and pastor? I can see you have not learned much in your years here and have only used the forum to win back your W. You are not serious about changing. Your W should RUN. Again, that's why I'm back here. I am serious. You professed to be serious in the first thread too and you actually starting conning people into believing you. Now you are here trying to con us again. I think anyone tempted to help you Plan A your W needs to take a look at this. http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2557186&page=1
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 199
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OK Thanks guys I'll get out the book and do it on my own.
I appreciate the tough love.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Schlag, I didn't expect to see you again.
One of the most striking things I see here is that you did not become educated.
To recover my marriage, I spend nearly every day listening to the Marriage Builders Radio show, I have read the books, I have read and posted on this forum. I worked my butt off to learn everything I could about Marriage Builders and become an expert in it.
In my opinion, nothing less than this level of effort will save most marriages!
It's been about three years since you first signed up here. Do you realize that if you had listened to the completely free Marriage Builders Radio show every day since then, you would be an expert in building marriages? You wouldn't be asking people what abbreviations are; you would be on here helping people.
The most striking thing to me is that you don't know what causes affairs. You said "the process of unravelling my life of lies and constant seeking of validation outside my marriage."
Affairs aren't caused because a person has some kind of a defect that causes them to "seek validation outside of their marriage."
We can't just tell you the answers; you have to actually get motivated enough to become an expert. Time after time I see lazy people on this forum ask a question, disappear, come back later and they are still having problems. In the end YOU have to become the expert who can solve your marital problems.
The FREE tools to do this have been handed to you on a silver platter. There's plenty of people posting on this site to practice on, and there are plenty of people who will help you if you make a mistake. There's a free one hour class every day. There's zillions of articles here and videos.
If you won't dive into this stuff and begin becoming an expert, then nothing we can say will help you.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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