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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
I'm so baffled that a mom would completely up and cut all contact with her DS.

How is he doing? Does he ask about her anymore?

Good luck on the insurance. It will be nice to have one less thing tied through her.

I forget, but does she pay CS?

It's self pride and shame along with self pity that stops her from doing even part of the right thing.

If it's not for her direct benefit, it doesn't matter I guess.

Yes, I know those are Disrespectful Judgments, but I believe that to be true.

I wouldn't say that publicly or to her.

No, she has not paid one cent in Child Support, nor gotten him a gift or an outfit ir even a card for any occasion.

She fell off the face of the earth. I guess she had herself pegged pretty accurately nearly two years ago when she sent me a link to the song, "Fallen", by Sara something. I posted the lyrics around March, 2013 if I remember correctly.

I'm asking for advice though. Should I respond to her sort of nice text?

LTL

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Mind if I help you row we are in the same boat.

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Originally Posted by TranquilDark
Mind if I help you row we are in the same boat.

With megaphone in hand.....

Stroke,

Stroke,

Stroke.....

Welcome to my former nightmare TD.

LTL

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Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
I'm asking for advice though. Should I respond to her sort of nice text?

I wouldn't


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted by black_raven
Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
I'm asking for advice though. Should I respond to her sort of nice text?

I wouldn't

That's what I had figured, but it's better to get unbiased opinions to validate it.

It hasn't made me dwell on any thoughts about What If etc..., so I am finally in a much better place emotionally than I was since 2009 through 2013.

LTL

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Are you planning to ever file for divorce? I understand your reason for not doing so but one thing I want to mention is if you died or became incapacitated tomorrow, your son would automatically go to WW. If you file for divorce, get sole legal and physical custody, you should be able to name a guardian for DS. You may want to speak to your lawyer about what your state laws are in this regard.

A friend and former MBer died suddenly and her son went to her exWH even though the boy had not seen him in years (he was in jail) and didn't want anything to do with him. There was nothing legally in place to stop the boy from going to his wayward father. Anyway...just something for you to consider. That WW has abandoned her child for over two yrs is a strong case for you to get sole.


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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After reading through my thread, I just wanted to add the link for the Serial Cheaters thread topic, so it would be easier for me to find in the future.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545954&page=all

LTL

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LTL,
When I look at your situation, I am not sure if it is a Plan A from a distance that has fisseled.
Or if it was periods of Plan B you by you or her.

Let us know what you think, But I think her alcohol/addiction is the issue/problem that is stopping the ball from even starting to get rolling.

As Dr Harley has said those who are in addictions have "moments of clarity." When I would read about her sending you a nice message a couple times a year, I guessed that those were "moments of clarity." Possibly from hitting a bottom or an affair breakup maybe? And who knows maybe as a desperate call that she wants you try to woo her/ rescue her from the addiction.


I am not sure if I forget reading it, but I am wondering if you have ever left her the road map back. And if so, would it be worth repeating, and also letting her know what desire you might still have for being a couple and a family again, once she is free from alcohol/addiction.


Then again, I am not sure if you still have a desire to have her in your son's life. Or if it would be better for her not to be around him.

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LTL, I agree with BR and wouldn't respond. I think your lives are much better with her out of it.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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And I also emphatically agree with BR about filing for divorce and getting sole custody of your son, naming a legal guardian. Our friend and MB board member, Justpeachy, died suddenly and unexpectedly at age 42 last year. Her son went to her criminal ex-ws! She would have been outraged!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Oh my goodness no. The poor kid


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by walrus
LTL,
When I look at your situation, I am not sure if it is a Plan A from a distance that has fisseled.
Or if it was periods of Plan B you by you or her.

Let us know what you think, But I think her alcohol/addiction is the issue/problem that is stopping the ball from even starting to get rolling.

As Dr Harley has said those who are in addictions have "moments of clarity." When I would read about her sending you a nice message a couple times a year, I guessed that those were "moments of clarity." Possibly from hitting a bottom or an affair breakup maybe? And who knows maybe as a desperate call that she wants you try to woo her/ rescue her from the addiction.


I am not sure if I forget reading it, but I am wondering if you have ever left her the road map back. And if so, would it be worth repeating, and also letting her know what desire you might still have for being a couple and a family again, once she is free from alcohol/addiction.


Then again, I am not sure if you still have a desire to have her in your son's life. Or if it would be better for her not to be around him.

I continued my Plan A the best I knew how at the time without benefit of instructions, which lasted from D-Day, 9-27-2009, or more accurately from 9-10-2009, when for the 1st time in our arrive, my Wife had voiced various things in our marriage which she stated she had become resentful about. It was a Perfect Plan A till D-Day abd then up through 2-16-2012 when she moved out without letting me or my Son know, the Plan A was occasionally set off track with extreme paralytic depression and sadness when the continued efforts seemed to be pushing her further away.

For the next 1 1/4 years after she moved out, from 2-16-2012 through 5-4-2013, I continued to Plan A as best as a minimally communicative Wife and Mother would allow, but I closed the door on 5-4-2013 after visiting her Moms burial memorial and sending a nice message to her sister. The Wife replied 2 1/2 hors after I contacted my S-I-L with a very nasty F##K Off message to me. I haddit and that was the day I stopped seeking out any potential opportunities to Plan A any further.

So, about 2 times per year you observed, she sends a luke warm message. I have not replied since I gave up.

If the messages were directly about our Son and/or any visitation or phone call, I would refer her to a portion of a previous e-mail where i stated what she would need to do to attempt to visit.

1st, visitation would be only allowed in a supervised setting.

I have checked with agencies that could provide this service. She would need to pay the fees for this agency.

An alcohol BAC test would be required, with Zero Tolerance.

To get past the Supervised aspect of visitation, she would have to have a verifiable 90 days of continuous sobriety in AA, along with DASA counseling, with me being authorized to have all session details openly available to me for verification.

There is to be Zero Contact with her Affair Partner.


Next on your list was the presumption of Moments Of Clarity.
Well, if that translates to periods of Self Pity and Woes Me, then it may momentarily be the same thing.

I Can Not be the hand that reaches out to attempt to save her from her addiction any longer.

All of my previous attempts and gestures were met with hostility and rejection. I am not the one for her to turn to due to the extreme shame that she would have to face and accept, while twisting it to seem as if I was dragging her through the mud.

In my mind, the Alcohol and multiple Affairs are both addictions.

For me to even ever consider reeonniling, the EP's would need to be tighter than any standard EP's I have ever seen accooplished.

She would just think I was trying to be controlling. That's on her though. If she showed through actions someday, I might consider it. I never thought I wouldn't, but any. FR would not be worth it.

So, supposedly last weeks message indicated that me and my Son will be getting insurance coverage cards once again. I haven't seen them yet. Maybe it was one of her moments of Woes Me, What Have I Done, but so far, it's only been words in a teet with no proof or action following up.

If I do get insurance, I will quickly use it to get both of my knees replaced this winter, so can stand or walk for longer than 5 minutes without debilitating pain.

I am NOT responding to her.


LTL


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
And I also emphatically agree with BR about filing for divorce and getting sole custody of your son, naming a legal guardian. Our friend and MB board member, Justpeachy, died suddenly and unexpectedly at age 42 last year. Her son went to her criminal ex-ws! She would have been outraged!

I will discuss that with my attorney next week or the week after when I have my next appointment with him.

That scenario seems so scary to even consider.

LTL

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Oh my goodness no. The poor kid

He has a Very Fulfilling life with Lots of Love and I am cautious to ensure he grows independent thinking without ne Hovering and becoming too enmeshed.

Karate for the past 3 years, Cub Scouts from 1st through 5th Grade then Webelows and now for 6th Grade is Boy Scouts and Catechism Class once per week, along with computer gaming with his friends at the library and a monthly Book Reading Club, plus he is in his Middle School Choir and Orchestra playing the. Violin.

He does average or slightly better on his scholastic grades and we are working on his organizational abilities to ensure assignments get done and turned in on time.

He just won an award from his school PTO Fundraiser of getting a Limousine Ride To Lunch last week. He was Very prepared and direct in his sales techniques. I was Very Proud of his polite demeanor and knowledge of tbe catalog products he had to sell. I didn't have to assist him at all, except for delivering the products when they arrived.

He shows fantastic morals, empathy, Love and responsibility on a regular basis and is developing a very good character. Ha-Ha, his favorite TV Show in the morning before school now is, Leave It To Beaver. Don't laugh. It demonstrates fantastic Family morals and Right and Wrong with consequences.

LTL

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I hope I didn't miss anyones questions or concerns.

It's tougher to read a full paragraph, let alone a full page on a cell phone screen.

Let me know if I missed anything and I'll address that later today.

Thank You All.

LTL

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Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
[
He shows fantastic morals, empathy, Love and responsibility on a regular basis and is developing a very good character. Ha-Ha, his favorite TV Show in the morning before school now is, Leave It To Beaver. Don't laugh. It demonstrates fantastic Family morals and Right and Wrong with consequences.

That is just great!! Jediknight's children have made amazing improvements under his single care. Dr. Harley is a huge fan of single fathers.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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One more piece of news, is that 2 weeks ago I had my final foreclosure hearing on my home and the bank won their judgment.

That's not the end of my fight though.

My business has done pretty good since July and I still will be re-applying for a HAMP Modification loan based on the recent earnings.

According to my calculations, I should be qualified, but from what I've read, the Banks have no incentive or regulations to actually approve the modifications, just the incentive to offer them.

LTL

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Have you seen this?

Dr. Harley talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you seen this?

Dr. Harley talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark

I wasn't able to Fast Forward, so I will listen to it either later tonight after my Son goes to sleep, or right after I take him to school tomorrow.

Thanks BH.

LTL

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Originally Posted by LearnedTooLate
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Have you seen this?

Dr. Harley talked about a study on the radio show about children raised in single father home's compared to single mother's.

Here it is: MATERIAL REFERENCED: Fatherless America by David Blankenhorn

Dr. Harley's Radio Clip on Fatherless America Study at 7:20 Mark

I wasn't able to Fast Forward, so I will listen to it either later tonight after my Son goes to sleep, or right after I take him to school tomorrow.

Thanks BH.

LTL
You're welcome and I think you will enjoy it. The study actually shows how much better kids do in a single father household compared to a single mother household.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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