When I look at your situation, I am not sure if it is a Plan A from a distance that has fisseled.
Or if it was periods of Plan B you by you or her.
Let us know what you think, But I think her alcohol/addiction is the issue/problem that is stopping the ball from even starting to get rolling.
As Dr Harley has said those who are in addictions have "moments of clarity." When I would read about her sending you a nice message a couple times a year, I guessed that those were "moments of clarity." Possibly from hitting a bottom or an affair breakup maybe? And who knows maybe as a desperate call that she wants you try to woo her/ rescue her from the addiction.
I am not sure if I forget reading it, but I am wondering if you have ever left her the road map back. And if so, would it be worth repeating, and also letting her know what desire you might still have for being a couple and a family again, once she is free from alcohol/addiction.
Then again, I am not sure if you still have a desire to have her in your son's life. Or if it would be better for her not to be around him.
I continued my Plan A the best I knew how at the time without benefit of instructions, which lasted from D-Day, 9-27-2009, or more accurately from 9-10-2009, when for the 1st time in our arrive, my Wife had voiced various things in our marriage which she stated she had become resentful about. It was a Perfect Plan A till D-Day abd then up through 2-16-2012 when she moved out without letting me or my Son know, the Plan A was occasionally set off track with extreme paralytic depression and sadness when the continued efforts seemed to be pushing her further away.
For the next 1 1/4 years after she moved out, from 2-16-2012 through 5-4-2013, I continued to Plan A as best as a minimally communicative Wife and Mother would allow, but I closed the door on 5-4-2013 after visiting her Moms burial memorial and sending a nice message to her sister. The Wife replied 2 1/2 hors after I contacted my S-I-L with a very nasty F##K Off message to me. I haddit and that was the day I stopped seeking out any potential opportunities to Plan A any further.
So, about 2 times per year you observed, she sends a luke warm message. I have not replied since I gave up.
If the messages were directly about our Son and/or any visitation or phone call, I would refer her to a portion of a previous e-mail where i stated what she would need to do to attempt to visit.
1st, visitation would be only allowed in a supervised setting.
I have checked with agencies that could provide this service. She would need to pay the fees for this agency.
An alcohol BAC test would be required, with Zero Tolerance.
To get past the Supervised aspect of visitation, she would have to have a verifiable 90 days of continuous sobriety in AA, along with DASA counseling, with me being authorized to have all session details openly available to me for verification.
There is to be Zero Contact with her Affair Partner.
Next on your list was the presumption of Moments Of Clarity.
Well, if that translates to periods of Self Pity and Woes Me, then it may momentarily be the same thing.
I Can Not be the hand that reaches out to attempt to save her from her addiction any longer.
All of my previous attempts and gestures were met with hostility and rejection. I am not the one for her to turn to due to the extreme shame that she would have to face and accept, while twisting it to seem as if I was dragging her through the mud.
In my mind, the Alcohol and multiple Affairs are both addictions.
For me to even ever consider reeonniling, the EP's would need to be tighter than any standard EP's I have ever seen accooplished.
She would just think I was trying to be controlling. That's on her though. If she showed through actions someday, I might consider it. I never thought I wouldn't, but any. FR would not be worth it.
So, supposedly last weeks message indicated that me and my Son will be getting insurance coverage cards once again. I haven't seen them yet. Maybe it was one of her moments of Woes Me, What Have I Done, but so far, it's only been words in a teet with no proof or action following up.
If I do get insurance, I will quickly use it to get both of my knees replaced this winter, so can stand or walk for longer than 5 minutes without debilitating pain.
I am NOT responding to her.